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Stray Cat -> RE: =Class= Dialogue stories critique and learning (1/28/2012 20:45:52)
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Mrith, some things about your story:quote:
“...but once the war was over, I was finally able to settle down with my dear Catherine.” James said as he walked slowly down the sidewalk. A soft chuckle was heard beside him. quote:
“I wonder what happened to that Bonny May.” he thought out loud. quote:
"He patted James’s arm lightly, then said hopefully. “Maybe he will change, we have seen younguns come home after they had their fill of the city life..." quote:
“No, I’ve given up home for John.” he sighed. quote:
“So am I Steve.” James said, defeated. “So am I.” The full stops should be commas.quote:
“Hold that though, I gotta,” he paused mid sentence, sitting slowly. His pause isn't really a dialogue tag, so the comma would serve better as a '...gotta-" He paused...'.
quote:
“Absolutely not!” Steve shot back, indignant. This line could possibly do without the tag at all. Which lines are whose is well established. The inclusion of that detracts from the flow of the story.
Overall, though, it's a really intuitive conversation. The dialogue bounces naturally between the pair and flows to the core of the story. The accents are really well done, too.
I posted my own story. It's an exchange, but... the ratio of actual dialogue to tags, actions and other background stuff is like 1:4. I think I have trouble giving my conversations volume (and taking away that matter-of-factness). Also, generic premise is generic, yeah. My creativity isn't at its highest. >.<
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