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.Discipline -> RE: C&C: [Untitled] Suggestions Welcome! (2/16/2012 7:16:21)
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I love how you've made sure this writing strikes the reader at various points. I could vividly hear Peter's voice and could actually feel the pain in the air, that's skill. :D
Having your husband's family blame you for his death at his funeral would have to be the most positively brutal thing that could happen to you. Trying to tell yourself it's not your fault, trying to get a grip on the reality of the situation and then being told with a thud that you may as well be the worst plague to ever wash over the land. That's dark and cutting.
And then you go on to bring us to a different situation, the darkness there is a lot more subtle. You didn't go straight into a typically dark scene like a funeral, but dropping the bombshell on the reader at the end really gives a quick change of perspective.
Just something I noticed:
quote:
her eye’s glinting malevolently
Her eyes. What you've used there is either a possessive or tells us that her eye is glinting malevolently. Unless the character in question has one eye, you need to change that.
I very much hope you continue this, I want to see how/if these two characters will be brought together and if the remainder of the story will remain as dark. It's clear that, through tragic circumstances, both of the main characters are left in a similar predicament. No partner and a young child to support. Will be odd to see how the children affect the plotline and what kind of attitudes the characters will bring to the table.
Personally, I think it's brilliant and powerful so far. Keep it up, dear. <3
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