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Faerdin -> RE: "The Reasons why I Cry" Discussion (6/8/2012 1:38:28)
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First, a few minor corrections.quote:
Then like a waterfall It all came back. Then, like a waterfall, it all came back.*quote:
I happened to our city. It happened to our city.*quote:
... but I didn't do some thing wrong. ... but I didn't do something wrong.*quote:
It was not a earthquake that made the ground shake. It was not an earthquake that made the ground shake.*
A short but sweet beginning to what I feel will be a grand story. While simple and clean, I could feel a great deal of emotion in your words, and that impacted me quite a bit. My only advice would be to steer clear of words like "mean," which are often thought of as "dead words." Not to say their usage is always bad, but using them in excess could be problematic. Regardless, I found this an interesting read. Don't stop!
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