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Faerdin -> RE: (DF) Conquering Divinity Discussion (6/16/2012 12:03:15)
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First, some corrections:quote:
... unfortunate for them, their prisoner found the key to its freedom long ago, and they were it. unfortunatelyquote:
"Careful with the chaos orbs, they weren't exactly easy to aqcuire and we need every single on." onequote:
It's surroundings begin to shift around it, the area changing into a more organized state. Its surroundings began to shift around it, changing the area into a more organized statequote:
He sorely regretted wearing such heavy clothing, the summer Sun beat down on him relentlessly. He sorely regretted wearing such heavy clothing; the summer Sun beat down on him relentlessly.quote:
He wasn't familiar with weather like this; then agan, there was a lot in this place he wasn't fimilar with. again, familiarquote:
Not many payed attention to Jareth. paidquote:
Near by, another young man was preparing to go on his daily trip into the woods to hunt the local game and maybe a monster or two. Nearby
Also, Falconreach is a single word; spacing between Falcon and Reach isn't necessary. ^_^
Your writing is looking excellent so far. The imagery is engaging and I love the story, not to mention the amusing dialogue (The end of Chapter One made me laugh). Don't stop; you've got something great in the works here!
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