|
RevzZ the Optivus -> RE: Forum Contest Short Story Miltonius Beginnings (1/10/2013 10:11:28)
|
We'll start with the negatives first. Get those nasty helpful buggers out of the way first.
Grammar. Check your grammar. Recheck your grammar. If a sentence sounds a bit too long and strings together a large number of ideas together, split it apart. A reader will always be grateful for a gasp of breath and it's better short and sweet in my opinion. Use those commas and full stops! They work miracles and you'd be surprised at how easily the words glide.
Try to focus on structuring the story so it doesn't jumble everything together. I felt the story was a little 'rushed', in the sense that it had no clear main body. In an action story like this, try to expand more into one scene, perhaps describing the battle in greater detail.
Now to the good parts. There were hints at good words. I particularly liked 'pulsating'.
The action! I loved the enthusiasm and the back story into Miltonius. There is a creeping suspense situation when Miltonius accepts the contract, giving you the feeling that something big was going to happen. Keep it up!
When it explains about Miltonius just being an average boy, it gives a sense on relation that everyone can relate to. Relationships in stories are always important, to make the reader feel for the character. Always important and you've touched on it. Well done!
All in all, an enjoyable story with potential. You just need to reach out and take it!
-RO
|
|
|
|
