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Ryu Viranesh -> RE: Felicity -A Tale of Thieves- OOC (AQ) (5/24/2014 23:56:20)
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All right! Various things now taken care of and inspiration restored, let me actually get to work on going through this thread. There are a fair amount of bios which I need to go through and read-over, so I'll be taking those on one at a time in this post and then answering any remaining questions at the end. So, without any further ado, let's get to work.
Legendium: As I've said previously, I like the relationship that Janos has found himself in with the Guild. Even though the buildup to this situation can be seen as somewhat cliche, it does provide for a rather intriguing give-and-take between them. Although, given Janos' almost fanatical hatred of the noble class, there might have been more take then give in their relations (we can discuss this in greater detail, should you desire it, or you can just trust me to come up with something interesting). As a note about his personality, I'll assume there will be moments where this hairpin balance you've described will be shaken, since it seems unlikely that he'd be able to constantly keep those two halves in perfect equilibrium. That'll make him ... fun for both of us, I feel. On the whole, I like this character a lot and feel that they'll be a great addition to the world that I've designed. As an additional plus, he's well balanced and fits into the exact power bracket that I've envisioned for most characters. So, I suppose that what I'm saying is that you can consider Janos to be Approved.
andres_950: 'Faint' is a very well put-together character from beginning to end - her appearance is well described and her personality and history are kept consistently interesting throughout their length. This said, in order to make sure that her magical abilities remain balanced in terms of the rest of her capabilities, I'd tie them both to scrutiny and focus; that is, they can "fall apart" if they're either scrutinized too much (excluding the less ambitious variants of the third) or if her focus falters (likewise excluding the aforementioned bits of the third). Or, of course, if someone happened to know magic well enough, it would certainly be possible to pick up the telltale traces of what she's doing. Still, that's not exactly the most common of things in this setting. Of note, there is one bit of ... objectionable content that I'll be PMing you about removing from your bio due to certain standards the boards uphold. Beyond that, there's nothing really to stop be from approving her though (though you DO need to clarify whether her position within the Guild is as an Associate or a Partner), since she seems like a well-thought out character that would be a lot of fun to play. I can't wait to see her in action here. Approved.
black knight 1234567: All right, let's start from the top. There are some problems with this bio. Firstly, 140 lbs. is actually somewhat underweight for that height, so it would indeed be considered to be kind of scrawny, so you might want to increase that a good bit (I'd say minimum 30 pounds) if you want a stockier build. Secondly, skill-wise, Kailan appears to be good at quite a bit, perhaps too much so. Combat isn't an extremely major part of this RP, and in most (not all) cases, if it happens, it probably means that one or a group of you have messed up, so not being great at it doesn't really equal a balanced character in this roleplay. You need to consider what exactly you want Kailan's role within this RP to be and build on him so that he's best able to fill it. Thirdly, and perhaps most importantly, there's one particular inconsistency within Kailan's history that I just can't be convinced is plausible as it is right now, that being when he suddenly leaves his home and wealth behind to follow his seeming love of theft. Even were he legitimately obsessed with the activity ... I can't quite grasp why the leaving is a necessity. You need to expand on this moment more so that there's a greater consistency to his story as a whole. Lastly, you might want to run a grammatical comb over the bio since some of the run-on sentences can make it ... fairly difficult to read at times, and given how important a tool a bio is to the rest of an RP's players, it should be as easy to read as is possible. If you can address these four particular areas, then I think everything should be in order for me to approve you (I'd like to see the changes first though).
TJByrum: While this bio isn't too bad, there are still a couple of details that are worth addressing/some things which need clarification. Firstly, this line: "While not trained professionally to fight with a knife, he's quick on the draw and deliver some severe injuries on anyone who attempts to harm him." This ... really doesn't make much sense, since you'd kind of need to be pretty darn well trained in order to do that kind of thing to even an unprepared person, much less "anyone". Combat really isn't a big thing in this RP, I cannot stress that more. Secondly, in the first post of this OOC thread I pretty explicitly stated that the vast bulk of those displaced by the rebellion found themselves going to the cities, which your history directly conflicts with by stating that "many peasants fled to Dust". This isn't going to work and needs to be changed (the events you've described can still occur on a smaller scale, but the town would not have blown up as you've described). Thirdly, I'd like you to clarify what you consider the difference between "professional thievery" and more commonplace thievery to be, as you refer to both more than once in your bio and it can be difficult to distinguish exactly what you mean. Lastly, you might want to consider grammar and some small details like how playing the knife game after the loss of even a bit of a finger might even be seen as "cheap" - can make for some interesting additional characterization. Just clean up the above details and I'll take another look.
That looks to be all for the moment - if you've any further questions, don't hesitate to ask!
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