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Master Samak -> RE: Valley of the Zards --discussion (1/15/2014 17:49:44)
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Inkwolf, this is a wonderful fanfic! You've tempted me into dusting off my AQW account.
I applaud your grammar! It is always very refreshing to journey a story clearly marked for travel. I didn't have my scanners on the whole time I read this, but I did pick up in Chapter 8:quote:
“Maybe we could build a bridge out of weaselzard pelts, if we tied enough together.” said Kyber thoughtfully. that the period after "together" should be a comma, to accommodate the "said Kyber..." part. And it seems you already understand that.
But nicely done. The characters (and pets) have depth and are believable; the story progresses without great paragraphs of descriptions, yet still has detail enough to have kept me aware and interested; the dialogue is natural (I thought your chaos dialogue in Warlic's Magic Shop was a success, for it even made me flustered and overwhelmed); and I can't end this without complimenting the humor. It wasn't going out of the way to play for laughs, which is good, but it wasn't afraid to have fun and also share "meta" references that AQW players could catch and smile at. The "Hero(s) slip" was written well from that.
And I also like the idea of magic's role in AQW, or it's driving problem in Kyber's quest. It can get kind of profound, thinking of what that means to us living IRL, and having to think about that in AQW shifts the story from light fun to a deep, serious note at times, and that's just fine to me.
Anyway, I was entertained and reminded of the world of Artix Entertainment, and so I thank you for that. I will be glad to read this story to its end!
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