Henry Newton Chapter 1 (Full Version)

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Hemabody -> Henry Newton Chapter 1 (8/1/2014 22:45:31)

21 years ago , a baby was born , I wasn't the birth of an ordinary baby , I was the birth of a baby that would change the world after he grows and become a man , Henry Newton , that was the name of the baby , his father was Captin Orland Newton of Oaklore , and his mother was Venus Wallmine , the most beautiful widow in Oaklore , and his older brother , Mak Newton , who was fond of fighting since his childhood , a fortuneteller once said he may have a "Bloody destiny".

About Henry himself , he passed across a couple of situations that have changed his life , the first happened when he was 8 years old , a mysterious stranger arrived in the keep , he stayed in a room in the inn not getting out just to eat or drink in the inn , rumors said that he is a user of dark powers , or even worse , a necromancer who wants to use Oaklore's graveyard to raise an army of the legendary knights of Oaklore , Henry had a friend , a boy in his age called Rolith , both were curious and wanted to know more about the stranger , but it was illegal for children under 13 to enter the inn , so the children wanted to wait for the chance to see him out.

One day , finally and for the first time since his arrival , the stranger went out of the inn , the children were spying on him "Let's follow" Henry told Rolith , Rolith nodded and when they were standing up , a hand hit both children's shoulders "Where are you going ?" Henry turned and saw his older brother Mak "We ... we ..." Rolith was afraid of telling Mak "We are following that stranger , follow us?"Henry said that without fear , so both Rolith and Mak looked at him in shock of his courage "If your parents knew of that you would be greatly punished"Mak said"And if the stranger noticed you , you would be killed , so I will go with you to protect you".

The party followed the stranger to a swamp lake , they hid behind a tree and saw the stranger standing still infront of the lake , "What do you think he is doing?" Henry asked Mak "I don't know , but I think he is preparing for something terrible " Mak answered Henry , the stranger turned and saw the children "Oh no it's our end" Rolith whispered in fear "Don't worry , Mak will help us , right?" Henry said "I wish my skills would be useful in this situation" Henry said "I see that you are just a bunch of curious children " The stranger said " Anyway I will let you watch me from a special seat ".

The stranger raised three skeletons from behind the children , each skeleton hold one of the children "Now watch the show " said the stranger , the stranger put his hands on the water , many waves started coming from around his hands , and each second , the waves become faster and faster , until the whole lake was shaking very fast , until the water jumped and created a big pipe of water around the pit of the lake , and from inside the pipe a roar was roared , the pipe was absorbed by something from inside the pit , and everything was visible.

It was actually a dead water dragon that was raised as a zombie by the stranger "You have watched the opening of the play , and it would be the ending of your life , goodbye children" the stranger said , he raised his hand , and the dragon roared , then he pointed at the children and roared again , the skeletons left the children to be eaten by the dragon , Henry hit the ground with his hand , and looked at it in despair , and tears started falling and the ground like the rain "Don't cry Henry" Mak said in a calm tune "It's my fault , I am the one who sent us all to our doom"Henry cried , and tears started falling faster.

"No it's not your fault" Rolith said in a fearful tune " Then whose it is?"Henry said while wipping his own tears "Nobody's " said Mak , Henry exclaimed about this "We were just a small party who were curious about a mysterious man and we followed our childish instincts" said Rolith , with a faint smile on his face "What a pain that I have to kill you ! Prepare to die ! " The stranger raised his arm again , this time the dragon prepared to attack them , so Mak stood on his legs and stood infront of the others.

"What are you doing ?" Both Henry and Rolith shouted "I am protecting you" Mak said "I came along with you to protect , I can't let you being hurt" "But ..." Both were saying when Mak interrupted " No buts , I am the older here and what I say must be done , okay?" "Okay" Both said "I like your courage young man , you would be useful as an undead servant" The stranger said and kept laughing , while Mak looked at him in anger , then the stranger pointed at Mak "No show him how painful is your acid , my dragon" the dragon spit out of its mouth a big acid ball in Mak's direction , while he is as still as he was.

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Chapter 1 of (Adventures of Henry Newton) is over , and I know that there are many questions surronding the characters espically Mak and the "Bloody destiny" , all will be revealed in next chapter , see ya.




Kian -> RE: Henry Newton Chapter 1 (2/19/2015 21:40:31)

Aside from some grammatical mistakes, I think your story shows potential. Henry supposedly would turn out to be a man that would change the world, I hope we get to see that happen sooner or later, or at least get some implications regarding his fate. Mak needs some serious character development, since you mention his Bloody Destiny and the fact that he was fond of fighting since his childhood. Right now, he just popped up randomly, without any background information (well, Henry nor Rolith got any either to be fair.) But like you said, some of it will be revealed in the next chapter, so I'm looking forward to that. Keep it up!




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