whackybeanz -> April Fool's 2014 (1/20/2015 11:13:15)
April Fool's 2014
Babes of Battleon
Location: April Fools' Portal Painting » 2014: Babes of Battleon
«Scene: Kamui's Lab»
Kamui: So this device should be able to help loads of people out. I just need to have you monitor the readings, «You».
«You»: And you're sure this is safe, for us and Grandmoglin over there?
Grandmoglin: It'll be fine, dearie, we Moglins can patch ourselves up just fine, no worries!
Kamui: Don't worry, «You», I've made sure to test-fire this on non-sentients first, withering bushes and the like. This is just the first test on a more advanced subject.
«You»: Well alright, let's get started, I guess...
Kamui: Great, I'll show you how to read the output display while we wait for the De-Ager to charge up.
«As the scene fades to black, zooming in to the De-Ager, something can be seen...»
«You»: Looks like we're as ready as we'll ever be, hit it, Kamui!
«The device activates but begins to tremble.»
«You»: Uh, Kamui? I think something's wrong!
«From off the scene, a familiar voice echoes.»
Loco: And here. We. Go!
«The device malfunctions. Magical sparkles appear all over the machinery.»
Grandmoglin: Oh dear...
«The device "repairs" itself, now with Loco magic, aimed at Grandmoglin.»
Kamui: I can't shut it down!
«A massive blast fires at Grandmoglin, blinding the scene. As you recover from the flash, Grandmoglin has turned into a baby Moglin!»
Grandmoglin: A boo bah.
Kamui: Well, the experiment was kind of a success...
«You»: What happened?
Kamui: I'm not sure, that didn't happen in any of the prior tests, and nothing was wrong with the machine an hour ago...
«Kamui inspects the machine.»
Kamui: Yeah, nothing looks to be broken...
Kamui: Let's see; focusing crystal, plutonium power source, note where the power regulator should be, redundant power source, backup generator, the wrench I lost last week...
«You»: A note where the WHAT should be?!
Kamui: ...The power regulator, it would seem we have a thief. Let's see who.
My dearest of friends: You
are cordially invited to
Battleon on this find day
for my annual gala. Don't
be late, and be sure to
bring a nappy. You're
going to need one.
P.S. Make that nappies.
«You»: Oh right, it's that time of year again, isn't it? Of course Loco would try to mess with something.
Kamui: Loco? I've never met the guy myself, but isn't this a bit small for him? The records I have show his mischief as more large-scale. A bit hammy, really.
«A pie flies from off-screen and smacks onto Kamui's face.»
«You»: Well yeah, messing up a small experiment is odd for him, usually he'd try to mess with all of Bat...
Both: Oh no... Nappies?!
A quick teleportation spell from Kamui later...
«Babies litter Battleon!»
«You»: THE ENTIRE TOWN IS BABIES!
Kamui: Yes... Yes it is.
«You»: Loco! We know you're here, show yourself!
Loco: Oh goody, I see you got my little invitation! I'm so glad you decided to show up. Between you and me, Battleon's current inhabitants are absolutely dreadful for conversation.
«You»: What do you want, Loco?
Loco: Me? Why I just want to enjoy some time in the sun, good conversation, perhaps a nice glass of lemonade, oh and some crumpets too.
Loco: I know people don't usually have those with lemonade, but I find it so much less pretentious than having them with tea-
«You»: What. Are. You. Planning?
Loco: Why, «You», I'm hurt. You haven't seen me in a whole year and that's the first thing on your mind? And here I thought we were buddies. *sniffles*
Kamui: We know you took the power regulator of the De-Ager, Loco. I'll thank you to give it back so that we can go about returning everyone to their proper forms.
Loco: Oh, this old thing?
«The power regulator appears.»
Loco: Sorry, can't do it.
«The power regulator disappears.»
Loco: See, I planned to use it as a gift for my gracious hosts, but I won't have the opportunity for another decade or so. Terrible shame that, but I suppose I can hold onto it until they're good and ready...
Kamui: How about this: You give it back now so I can Re-Age everyone and THEN you can offer it to them?
Loco: You know, I don't think we've met. Hi. Loco, god of pranks, mischief and other fun things, nice to meet you. Now, tell me, did you REALLY expect me to go for that?
Kamui: Not at all. But I'm a scientist. It's kinda my job to try stupid stuff and see what happens.
«A short pause later...»
Loco: You, I like.
Loco: But really now, don't you think that Battleon's townspeople look so much cuter this way?
«A baby Artix appears.»
Loco: I mean lookit those skooshy cheeks! Don't you just want to pinch them?
«Baby Artix vanishes.»
Loco: But fine, if you just must insist that everyone act like grown-ups...
Loco: I suppose I could let my little gift go if you were to do say... a few simple tasks for me, minor things, really, just not something I want to do myself on the only day of the year I get to have some fun.
«You»: We're not going to pull any tricks for you, Loco.
Loco: Oh «You», nothing like that! I just want a few toys built to pass the time, along with some other menial tasks.
«Loco passes a to-do list to Kamui.»
Kamui: Self-replenishing cream pie dispenser, 9 million volt joy buzzer, wait, what's this one? Removal of some decor in your shrine?
Loco: Oh me yes! I think «You» should probably handle that one. It's a pair of golems that I got to fancy up the place AGES ago, but after a dozen millenia you need a change, don't you think?
Loco: Now they're not likely to want to go quietly, they're so attached to me, you see. So you might have to get a bit forceful with them. Do all that, and I'll return Kamui's gadget to you.
«You»: Alright, Loco, we'll play your game. Kamui, what do we do about the baby Battleonians?
Kamui: I can take care of them. Or more accurately, I'll have the Moglin interns take care of them, along with the new baby Moglin.
«You»: Sounds like a plan, I'll head to Loco's shrine then.
Kamui: Good luck, «You»!
Loco: Yes, good luck! I'm just going to relax over in Lolosia while you two get to work!
«Loco puts on sunglasses and fades away. On your way to Loco's shrine, monsters intercept you.»
4 BATTLES «You arrive at Loco's shrine, in the background beside a spaghetti-looking tree.»
Full Heal after battles #2 and #4
«You»: Well, there's Loco's shrine, you there, Kamui?
Kamui: (transmission) Read you loud and clear, «You». The energies there are giving interesting readings. Hmm...
«You»: What is it?
Kamui: (transmission) Give me a minute before you go in, I'd like to check these readings more.
«You enter Loco's shrine.»
«You»: (thinking) I don't see those golems anywhere, maybe they're deeper in the shri-
«A rumble fills the shrine.»
«You»: (thinking) Well, they WERE deeper in the shrine, I guess.
«A golem with two heads stomps into the scene. It's massive!»
Rune Golem: YOU TREAD ON GROUND THAT SHOULD NOT BE TRODDEN!
Rune Golem: OUR CHARGE IS THAT WHICH BEST STAYS FORGOTTEN!
«You»: Oh goody, they rhyme. Sorry guys, but I'd rather deal with you than play babysitter!
1 BATTLE: Rune Golem Rune Golem: FOOL! KNOW YOU NOT WHAT HAS BEEN DONE?
Rune Golem: NOR THAT WHICH IS NOW TO COME?
«The Rune Golem collapses.»
«You»: ...Oh, I think I can guess.
«The scene fades to black. You return to Battleon.»
«You»: Alright, I defeated those golems in your shrine, Loco. Now return the power regulator!
Loco: Well so you did! Well, I'm a god of my word, «You», so you can have your trinket back. Catch, mop top!
«The power regulator appears and Loco throws it to Kamui, who swiftly catches it.»
Loco: And now that you've freed me of that silly "one day a year" restriction, I think it's time I go out and have some fun!
Loco: ...What's the matter, «You»? Cat got your tongue? In shock that you basically just freed me to have fun year-round?
«You»: Oh, it's not that, Loco, it's just that you're not actually free.
Loco: Ahaha! «You», you're so naive. You know what, why don't I just let your resident know-it-all explain it to you?
«A baby Warlic appears.»
Loco: Now tell our friends what a good job they did, Wa-Wa.
«Baby Warlic starts crying!»
Loco: *Gasp* Now look what you've done, «You»! You made the baby cry!
«You»: I-*I* made the baby cry?
Loco: Of course you did! I mean look at yourself! Don't you have any expressions other than 'Grr! Warface!'?
«You»: ...Well, not while I'm adventuring.
Loco: See? Your fault! There there, little Wa-Wa...
«Baby Warlic vanishes.»
Loco: I guess that means I have to be Mister Exposition then...
«Loco dons a crown and a sash with the words "Mr. Exposition" printed on it.»
Loco: See, that was my trick this year. You know all that nasty magic which let my prison recharge? I turned it into those golems.
Loco: Now, most adventurers wouldn't stand a chance against incarnated magic of that strength, and most monsters naturally know better than to try.
Loco: But you, you magnificent little fool you, well I knew you could handle it. So great job breaking them into rubble, oh great and mighty hero!
Kamui: Yeah, we know.
Loco: So you see, with my brillian- Wait, what?
«You»: We knew.
Loco: But, you-
Kamui: That's why «You» and I basically rigged up a new seal on you. It's an alteration on the one those golems had, but it should work just as well.
Kamui: It also has a couple of useful bonuses too.
Loco: ...What bonuses?
«You»: You can come to Lore no matter the time of year, you just can't do so unless specifically called into my service, and I can dismiss you at any time...
«You»: And you'll be automatically dismissed if I get defeated or if you think of taking some action against me.
Kamui: You're still totally free on April Fool's, though. Couldn't get that fixed in my version of the seal, but I'm sure I can try and fix that later, when we're less pressed for time.
«You»: Thanks for pointing us to the source of your seal, though!
«You»: If you hadn't done that, Kamui wouldn't have been able to analyze the energy emanating from the golems and figured out how to repair and alter the seal himself!
Loco: You... You... YOU TRICKED ME!
«You»: What can I say, Loco? April Fool's.
Loco: I don't like you any more, mop top.
«Loco fades away.»
Kamui: Right, I'll get to work on reinstalling the power regulator so we can turn everyone back to normal.
«You»: They weren't too much trouble for the Moglins, were they, Kamui?
Kamui: Nope, aside from Artix attempting to use his axe plushie to attack an anatomy skeleton, everything went smoothly.
Kamui: I did manage to complete another invention while you were out, maybe you could try babysitting sometime.
«A short pause later...»
«You»: Wait, what?
«Babies of Battleon shop opens. Once you exit the shop...»
To be continued...
Babies of Battleon
Summon Loco [L. 10]
Summon Unglued Loco [L. 30]
Summon Bonkers Loco [L. 50]
Summon Loony Loco [L. 70]
Summon Nutty Loco [L. 90]
Summon Screwball Loco [L. 110]
Summon Cuckoo Loco [L. 130]
Summon Guano Loco [L. 150 G]
Babby [L. 10, 30, 50, 70, 90, 110, 130 | 150 G]
Aria's Rattle [L. 10, 30, 50, 70, 90, 110, 130 | 150 G]
Corrections thanks to Archlist.