Kellehendros -> RE: ~*The Depths Of Chaos*~ IC (6/20/2015 13:51:49)
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As she walked north, ever north, Regina pondered the nature of sanity. It was not the first time that she had done this. The road had been long, longer than even she had reckoned after the storm. North, ever north. She knew, now, that her reckoning had been nothing; it had been only the merest taste of the crippling agony and weariness to come. How many miles has she trod north, ever north, searching for a path, searching for a way? And when she had lost her way, how could her mind have done aught else but follow? These thoughts had chased themselves through her mind as she walked north, ever north. Day by day, week by week, month after month. Years? Surely it had been years by now, crawling across the surface of the world like an ant blindly seeking an end. North, ever north. An end, any end, was preferable to this. Circling, the thoughts were ever circling, like a pack of lean and hungry dogs ready to fight, to rip and tear, and still she walked north, ever north. The loneliness was the worst of it, Regina thought. She wasn’t always certain of that though. In part, that was what disturbed her. A sane mind, a whole mind, was certain. Was that not so? She couldn’t even convince herself of that anymore. Sometimes the loneliness seemed light, a gift of the gods to speed her upon her way, unhindered by the company of others. Othertimes the loneliness ached, a stinging pain that permeated her being until she took to talking to herself. Surely she was mad at those times, babbling inanities in a stream dialogue that ran from contemplations of her circumstances to entire arguments of tired logic, circular rhetorics that dragged like chains behind her. Justifications, explanations, negotiations, each had fallen by the wayside, left behind as mile after plodding mile faded into the dust behind her and her feet pointed north, ever north. There had been plans, to be certain. A dozen, a hundred, a thousand schemes to make her way. East, west, home, away, any direction that was not this. Each and all had failed. North, ever north, beyond the lands she knew, until every face was strange to her, and every hand was set against her. Was it though, or was the impression of enmity nothing but a fabrication of her flailing mind? Either way she trod the paths north, ever north. This was what it meant to lose one’s mind. It was the only conclusion she could find. If Regina had been more devout she might have seen the hand of a god in it, some overarching fate that had taken control of her life. For her part, she was only tired. She was tired of the endless northward journey; she was tired of spectres that came to her in the night, bloody and worn; she was tired of the headaches that gave no respite. This was the nature of sanity, she thought, walking north, ever north. Weariness, a bone-deep tiredness that defined reality. The insanity, the brokenness, was feeling whole, feeling right. It shouldn’t have been that way, but it was. Or perhaps sanity was along that line, the blade-edge line, that lay between the fog of pain and the clarity. Those were the times when she was most frightened, when the pain that had woven itself into her very being cleared and the world came into crystalline focus. Those were the times when it seemed, if only for a moment, that she might have a choice. She might be able to turn aside and find a fate of her own choosing. Perhaps she was sane at those times, and the fault was hers for being unable to find the will to turn aside from this journey north, ever north. Whatever the reason, she could not turn aside. A deadfall, bandits, a gorge unscalable without the aid of tools, a trackless fen, these things chained her upon the path as surely as her faltering will. North, ever north, as though she knew on some subconscious level that something waited there, that a way would be open could she only endure. And then came the dream. Foggy and incoherent, the dream had been but a word: Epsyon. Ah, but what a word! It had meant nothing to her, and yet in the morning she had woken with it on her lips, and the very air seemed to breathe with promise. That was when she knew that she was mad. Yet, the certainty had faded, though the word, the Name had echoed, beating in her ears like the fluttering of a panicked heart. She knew, plodding north, ever north, that it was a Name, though sheh knew not what it was that the Name signified. Was it a person, a place, a god unknown in those lands, green and sane, so far away in the road behind her? All of those, perhaps, and more. But the dream returned each night, like an insistent child tugging at her mother’s skirts, and she was helpless but to follow. North, ever north, and now it seemed that her endless trek was not so mad, but had a goal, a destination. And did that not make her all the more assuredly unhinged? The thought that her travel had a goal was frightening, for even if this Epsyon was a place, she had never heard of it. How was it that within her heart could burn this certainty, this knowledge that could she only travel north, ever north, beyond the rim of the world itself, she would find Epsyon waiting for her? That must be insanity, surely. And yet, her dreams grew clearer, slowly, as she traveled north, ever north. It began with the eyes, a set of dimly seen orbs green as verdant fields. Then a fringe of midnight hair, then vivid lips. A face, slowly assembling itself night by night, mile by mile. And those lips shaped the word, that portentous word: Epsyon. Nothing more, for the word would fall from the woman’s lips, and Regina would snap awake, soaked in sweat, heart thundering as though she had run a thousand miles. Perhaps she had. There were times when the aching of her head, the persistent pounding in her skull, was enough to kill consciousness. Regina would open her eyes in a camp she had never seen before, a place utterly alien to her eyes. That had frightened her no end in the beginning, and more than one plan to set out upon another path had been broken by the pain and the realization upon the return of conscious observation that she was far from where she had been and farther from where she had wanted to be. North, ever north, and for the first time in a long time she began to dare the villages again. Loose strings of houses or tight clusters settled behind wooden walls, places she had avoided before. She entered in now, and asked her questions with all the careful skill of a mind strained perhaps beyond its breaking. What was Epsyon? Where could it be found? In some places she received no answer, only shrugs and shaken heads. In others, rumors of a land above the snows of the world were offered up. In one tavern she had been thrown out for speaking the Name, told never to return. Most common though, most common was the pause. She would ask, and the listeners would hesitate, looking from one to another as though trying to fit something into words that could not be said, or addressing a fear of which it was better never to speak. Then one would dare and tell her north, ever north, and Regina would set out upon her way, ignoring the looks cast at her back, the gestures made to avert the attention of an evil fate. Still she walked north, ever north, until she had left the all the settlements behind her, and it was the dreams that sustained her on that road. A woman’s face in the mists of Regina’s wandering mind that grew a little clearer, a little sharper every day, until Regina could make out the fine hairs of her head individually with a sight that was more than sight. Thus Regina walked north, ever north, and about her the landed faded, blighted by the hand of some god perhaps, or the sad and silent death of hope itself. Regina pondered these things as she came into sight of the village, and then stopped, staring. The sight of buildings was almost foreign to her eyes; shapes of regular geometry carved of wood and stone, raised in defiance of the natural chaos of the world. How long had it been since the last settlement? A month, six months, a year? Pacing north, ever north, time had lost all meaning, and she had felt as though she must have walked the surface of the world entire. Surely the world could not be so large as to go on forever. The world was bounded, it was known. Or was it? Perhaps they merely thought the world had an end, but in reality it unfurled itself like an endless spiral, new sights and new mysteries springing into being from the ether as the traveler sought the end in vain. Perhaps one was unable to reach the uttermost edge and know that there was one absolute in all the world, a place of which one could say, “Here, this place, is the end of all things. To take another step is to fall off the face of the world entire, and plunge ever into the abyss.” Her head ached, and her right hand lifted almost of its own accord, rising to stroke gingerly across the scar along her hairline, where the blow had fallen. Regina struggled with her thoughts, biting the inside of her cheek until her mouth filled with the salt tang of blood and the urge to laugh, to throw back her head and cackle until she wept, faded away. The world had an end. These other thoughts were phantasms, more mad ghosts such as plagued her as she journeyed north, ever north. She moved north, ever north, even now, as in a dream. Drifting up the seemingly deserted street, past the shells of buildings whose empty windows stared like the glazed eyes of death. Each step stirred the dust of the road, bringing echoes to her from the wooden canyon of store facades and empty homes. Epsyon, Epsyon, Epsyon. Each step breathed the name of this place, and a chill slid down Regina’s spine as the wind whispered through the broken village, carrying the faintest hint of the metal-on-metal clangor of a blacksmith or a battle. These things washed over her, but she could not care. Her heart was fixed upon a single destination. North, ever north, and nothing could sway that course. And then she stopped, stunned into immobility. For the lodestone of her heart, the inexorable, terrible urge that had drawn her unknowing, mad and longing, north, ever north, had turned. Regina turned with it, east, and she stumbled as she took her first step towards the door of the tavern, for her feet seemed to know no other way, and her very being seemed to cry out in protest. Surely she must continue north, ever north? But no, she was going east now, and the sheer release of the change in direction was enough to bring tears to her hazel eyes. But after the first trembling step came another, and then another, and then Regina was at the door, every fiber of her being wound tight with the unbearable expectation of events foreordained. The portal yielded to her hand slowly, revealing a dark and dim tavern, and there, there at the bar was the woman, the face from Regina’s dreams. Shuddering, Regina moved into the tavern, eyes riveted on the figure behind the bar, knowing before she even began to speak that the words falling from her lips would be framed in the voice of Regina’s dreams. Regina fell to her knees, her battered stave, companion of so many mad and distant miles, clattering to the floor next to her. She fought to breathe, to drag air into her lungs as the world spun and swirled around her, fate and chance and destiny binding inexorably about her as Zephyrus spoke and the air itself seemed to ring with the portent of her words. Epsyon, Epsyon at last. Her mind was fragmenting, a wall of pain rising up to obliterate conscious thought. “Respite,” Regina gasped through teeth clenched tight on the pain, her voice a whimper. “Please, I beg of you, respite…”
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