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A Heart's Words--C&C Thread NEW: Stealing

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6/10/2009 10:35:39   
Poetic Melody
Member

Here's the poems! Please comment.

< Message edited by Poetic Melody -- 10/20/2010 23:47:04 >
DF  Post #: 1
6/16/2009 17:40:31   
Poetic Melody
Member

I just added Nightmare, the first of The Thought Trilogy. (Say THAT twenty times fast!)

The next two will be out soon, one at a time.
DF  Post #: 2
6/16/2009 20:32:25   
Helixi
Member

One Love
quote:

loves

I think this should be "love".
Thats all I can find. These poems are fabulous, a fact made even better by the fact that they are not written in freeverse. The ryhmes sometimes feel unwieldy when read but spoken make perfect sense. My favourite poem would be Nightmare. I'll check back for more very soon. :D


< Message edited by Helixi -- 1/8/2012 10:56:07 >
AQ DF  Post #: 3
6/16/2009 23:32:20   
Poetic Melody
Member

Okay, I edited One Love instead of reposting, because a small typo wouldn't be a need to re-do a whole poem.

Anyway, thank you so much Helix! I'm so happy someone replied, and it's even better that it was you, and you liked this stuff!

And I can see why reading would be different from speaking, because I write most of my stuff out loud, and write it later. Be expecting the next part/poem relating to Nightmare to be out soon, most likely tomorrow.

Thanks for the Comment!
DF  Post #: 4
6/17/2009 0:28:25   
Helixi
Member

Editing is fine. :)

< Message edited by Helixi -- 1/8/2012 10:56:54 >
AQ DF  Post #: 5
6/17/2009 0:38:01   
Poetic Melody
Member

Really? Cool! I thought you always had to. >_>

And my next poem is now changing from a maybe to a most likely, depending on how busy I am tomorrow, and there isn't much planned.

Now I go to bed.
DF  Post #: 6
6/17/2009 18:28:16   
Poetic Melody
Member

Added Dream. Not that great in my opinion, It's not as easy to write about, but hey, here it is!
DF  Post #: 7
6/18/2009 15:44:06   
Helixi
Member

Good. Nightmare is better, but not much could top that. :)

< Message edited by Helixi -- 1/8/2012 10:57:13 >
AQ DF  Post #: 8
6/18/2009 16:47:41   
Poetic Melody
Member

Not much better then that I can do or not much better then that most people can do?

< Message edited by jominomer -- 6/18/2009 16:50:52 >
DF  Post #: 9
6/18/2009 16:50:28   
Helixi
Member

People I read. That is one of the best poems I've read.

< Message edited by Helixi -- 1/8/2012 10:57:38 >
AQ DF  Post #: 10
6/18/2009 17:10:53   
Poetic Melody
Member

One of the best that you read? 0_0 Thanks. That's really cool.
DF  Post #: 11
6/18/2009 17:41:39   
not steve
Member

I like "The torch" quite allot, it speaks of unity in a different light if i am interpreting it right. good job, very deep ;) i would comment on spelling and but i am not the kind to notice that kind of thing and thus haven't seen any problems, i have too many problems with it myself though. anyway, i will read more later.
AQ DF  Post #: 12
6/18/2009 18:23:03   
Poetic Melody
Member

Yes! Another poster! And another person who likes it. Yes, the torch is a poem I wrote for the clan of Ignues. Which is my clan. It is about how as Igneis we are all one, what fire is besides the usual and, what good can come out of Unity.

Thanks for posting, and please return! Or as a cash register person (What are they called? Clerks?) would say "Thank You! Please come again!"
DF  Post #: 13
7/3/2009 16:31:13   
Helixi
Member

Nothing new yet, P_M?

< Message edited by Helixi -- 1/8/2012 10:58:16 >
AQ DF  Post #: 14
7/4/2009 15:21:18   
Poetic Melody
Member

Oh, sorry, I've been so busy, and I lost the final Poem in the Trilogy, so I'm rewriting it, aside from constant cleaning for a party today. I'll hope to have it up tomorrow, and then I have a couple to add after that, darker.
DF  Post #: 15
7/9/2009 12:48:24   
Poetic Melody
Member

Added, it's not the best but now I can work on better stuff.
DF  Post #: 16
7/16/2009 11:11:12   
Poetic Melody
Member

Another new poem. I was tired when I wrote the ending so the ending came off a little, cheesy. But besides that it's alright.
DF  Post #: 17
7/16/2009 11:39:44   
not steve
Member

I have boled areas where I see problems and added notes. Sorry to be negative but this is a very good poem, with a little bit of editing it would be fantastic.
quote:


Another harsh reality,
fear is in the air.
Tragedies are everywhere,
miracles are rare.

Everything is bad news.
Hope is the only joy.
Death is having so much fun,
the world is his toy. Add an extra syllable here, maybe just the word "That" at the begining.

Peace, and Life,
and joy, and love.
Is what we all
are dreaming of.

But stuck inside
this world of fear,
there isn't any
of that here. I dont understand what this means in the context of the poem.

Over here
there is a war,
innocent lie
on the bloodshed floor. I think you are missuesing the word bloodshed. Maybe just change it to "blood soaked"

One person is so helpless,
only the world can give us peace.
But if everyone can change for good,
hatred will finally cease. Maybe add the word "The" at the begining of this line
AQ DF  Post #: 18
7/16/2009 11:55:54   
Poetic Melody
Member

quote:

the world is his toy. Add an extra syllable here, maybe just the word "That" at the begining.


I see where you get the extra syllable, but "that" is a weird way to start a line for me. I'll use the whole world is his toy instead.

quote:

of that here. I dont understand what this means in the context of the poem.


It's referring to the above stanza, I didn't know what word(s) I could put in the place of "of that" to mean happiness/joy/love/something good that would be two syllables, which I need for the flow, so I used "of that" and hoped people would get it was the above stanza. Since you didn't, any suggestions for a better word?

quote:

on the bloodshed floor. I think you are missuesing the word bloodshed. Maybe just change it to "blood soaked"


Thank you, I knew there was something wrong when I wrote that but I couldn't figure it out.
quote:


hatred will finally cease. Maybe add the word "The" at the begining of this line


That would help, thank you!


Thank you so much for reading and criticizing. It's a big help. I'll try to get some new ones in too. Thanks again!
DF  Post #: 19
7/16/2009 15:46:40   
not steve
Member

"The whole world is his toy", that works better than what I proposed. It's a very good poem over all, keep it up ;)
AQ DF  Post #: 20
7/16/2009 15:49:49   
Helixi
Member

Great new poem P_M! Keep it up please. :D

< Message edited by Helixi -- 1/8/2012 10:58:42 >
AQ DF  Post #: 21
7/16/2009 16:20:46   
Poetic Melody
Member

Thank you! I'll keep it up if you keep comin'.
DF  Post #: 22
7/24/2009 10:18:46   
Poetic Melody
Member

Added "Trap." It's not my best, but it's not my worst. Enjoy!
DF  Post #: 23
8/3/2009 0:59:34   
Poetic Melody
Member

Added, darker. Hope you enjoy!
DF  Post #: 24
8/11/2009 13:32:43   
Poetic Melody
Member

Added Fear The Flame, decided why not, might as well post it. This was my entry to the Dragon Lord Contest, which won me an Honorable mention and 500 DCs.

It's not my best for sure, but I don't think it's terrible.
DF  Post #: 25
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