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RE: Compressed Meaning/Translations C&C

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11/29/2011 8:11:33   
Shreder
Member

New poem:

Curious
DF MQ  Post #: 151
12/14/2011 9:55:54   
Shreder
Member

Another new poem:

We Are the Dead

Comment, suggestions?
DF MQ  Post #: 152
12/14/2011 12:30:31   
Varen6398
Friendly!, Constructive!
Creative!


 I have read 'We are the dead' and it reminded me much of 'In Flanders Fields'. Just because of the name 'We are the dead' which was a line that is also in 'In Flanders Fields'. I liked the rythme of the piece, but the repeated mentioning of the black crows brought the poem a small level. Had the crows not been mentioned twice, I would have found it a very emotive piece, and an even more effective poem about the dead.
DF  Post #: 153
12/14/2011 23:45:00   
Shreder
Member

That repetition was intentional, though hearing what you've said I'm now not entirely sure it was a good idea. I'll give it some thought, and see if anything better presents itself...

Thanks!
DF MQ  Post #: 154
12/17/2011 2:15:17   
Lady Veryon
Member

"We are the dead" resonates with my personal life right now. That's an odd thing, I know, but it does. I like how the words pile on each other, jagged and raw. There's a message, but you haven't lost the feeling. I appreciate that tremendously.
Post #: 155
12/19/2011 1:34:11   
Shreder
Member

Thanks! I'm glad you liked it.

And now a poem that been floating around my saved files for a couple of years now. Considering that it's almost Frostval I finally decided to touch it up and post it:

Frostval
DF MQ  Post #: 156
12/20/2011 7:52:57   
Shreder
Member

Another new poem:

Thirteen Ways of Looking At Trees

This is one I wrote for school a while back, which is the reason for the particular form and structure.
DF MQ  Post #: 157
12/20/2011 8:16:08   
Varen6398
Friendly!, Constructive!
Creative!


 Both of those are great! I like the form of Frostval (4 lines, ...Frostval), and it has a nice ring to it. Thirteen ways to look at a tree is...different, but it is still great. Were I you, I would try to make the seperate ways to look at the tree have the same amount of lines. It would add a bit more rhythm to the piece (I like to play tunes in my head that go with certain poems, but I can't particularly find a tune for this poem). Apart from that, it is great! Keep up the good work!
DF  Post #: 158
12/20/2011 9:02:35   
Shreder
Member

I'm glad you enjoyed them!

About Trees, I wrote it not as a structured poem but as free form, so you're right in that it doesn't necessarily fit to music--that's just the way I wrote it.

Thanks for taking the time to comment!
DF MQ  Post #: 159
12/29/2011 3:23:42   
Shreder
Member

New poem up!

Twinkle

A simple poem, such as could be read to a child at bedtime. In some ways this takes inspiration from e.e. cummings' "Hist Whist".
DF MQ  Post #: 160
2/28/2012 10:50:47   
Shreder
Member

New poem up:

Sunset
DF MQ  Post #: 161
2/28/2012 11:10:33   
Helixi
Member

It's lovely, beautiful and simple. I have one question, however; what do you mean by a 'tufted floor'?
AQ DF  Post #: 162
2/28/2012 11:37:27   
Shreder
Member

Thanks!

That line refers to the tufts of a carpet.
DF MQ  Post #: 163
2/28/2012 11:53:06   
Helixi
Member

Ah, it makes sense now. :D
AQ DF  Post #: 164
3/5/2012 2:24:20   
Shreder
Member

I have a couple incomplete poems on the back burner, but I decided to set them aside and go through to edit all my early work, as there are many places I now feel changes could improve on the piece as a whole. It's mostly small changes (individual words/lines, stanza splits, and quite a few changes to punctuation) but if anyone want to tell me their thoughts that'd be great.

I've finished editing the first page of poems thus far.

< Message edited by Shreder -- 3/15/2012 0:35:36 >
DF MQ  Post #: 165
3/13/2012 2:03:09   
Shreder
Member

Page two has now been edited. Just about everything has a least one or two small changes to it, I think for the better.

< Message edited by Shreder -- 3/15/2012 0:35:55 >
DF MQ  Post #: 166
4/26/2012 0:59:06   
Shreder
Member

New poem up:

Sometimes I Cannot Help But Sing

Please feel free to leave a comment!
DF MQ  Post #: 167
10/9/2012 12:06:58   
Shreder
Member

Woah, it's been forever since I posted anything here...

Love: A Fragment
DF MQ  Post #: 168
11/20/2012 18:15:44   
Shreder
Member

New poem:

Empathy
DF MQ  Post #: 169
11/21/2012 19:10:25   
Shreder
Member

And another:

Miracle

Comments would be very much appreciated...
DF MQ  Post #: 170
11/21/2012 19:55:17   
Faerdin
Rune Knight


 Sorry. Poetry threads haven't gotten too much love recently. Dx
One thing I love about the poetry I've seen from you is that it all has a very good flow to it. I can read it aloud without stumbling over words that are awkwardly included to ensure that the poem rhymes and the poems in general are just a joy to read. Love: A Fragment is one of my favorites of the ones I've seen so far because... Well, there's a lot of truth in it despite the small amount of words.
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 171
11/23/2012 10:46:08   
Shreder
Member

Thanks Faerdin!

My poems often rhyme (I'm a sucker for structure) but I always try to ensure that the rhyming never feels forced. "Love: A Fragment" was a very spur-of-the-moment thing, but it expressed some definite emotions of mine at the time, and I'm glad you can relate.
DF MQ  Post #: 172
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