RE: (DF) Bulls Eye Discussion Thread


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9/21/2013 18:09:11

deatharrows
Member

Sorry about that... I didn't start working on it... I will at some point that is yet to be determined. On the bright side that will make it way better do to the anticipation!

AQW

Post #: 26

9/28/2013 15:46:02

deatharrows
Member

Chapter 6 is done! Feel free to read. It's short but pretty good. Sorry for such a long wait :( However it's finally done, the long awaited sixth chapter of Bulls Eye, that may or may not be actually awaited by anyone.

AQW

Post #: 27

10/29/2013 20:53:43

deatharrows
Member

As most of you've realised, I have a lot more to do now than when I began Bulls Eye so thus the reason these chapters are being cranked out so slowly. I think about the next chapter a bit from time to time until i get a good idea about what to do. By the way I always enjoy some opinions/errors noted about the current chapter before I move on so yeah.

AQW

Post #: 28

11/26/2013 12:23:33

deatharrows
Member

Well now I'm depressed. It's been a month since I last checked the page and there's nothing here... I understand if you haven't read the story or don't like it but please, anyone who enjoys this story please give any errors you notice or an opinion. I just really prefer to have input from the readers before continuing. This is because I'm new to the art of writing and most of what I've learned is from just writing the EnTropical Tales (in which I had no idea about the subject of the story which is why I quit writing it) and from reading writings from actual authors. So please, take a minute to post some criticism and opinions about the story so I can work my hardest to make enjoyable content for all. Thank you for reading.

AQW

Post #: 29

11/29/2013 13:37:17

deatharrows
Member

Ok then, I suppose another chapter is in order. I've run low on patience so on to chapter 7, in which many plot holes shall be clarified and dealt with. Again, I'll work on it but no promises it'll be done by today.

AQW

Post #: 30

11/29/2013 14:42:07

deatharrows
Member

Well I accomplished a lot this chapter. I clarified things about the Eye of Hatred, I added a new character, and I'll leave the last thing as a surprise. Read up because this story is about to reach it's second arc. I think these first 6 chapters fall under a sort of "The Rise of Deatharrows" arc where we get a villain, a hero, and a leader person. Now I'll make the "Monster Hunter" arc. So saddle your seatbelt, turn of all electronic devices, scrub the deck, and get your hiking boots, because this chapters going to have a lot of adventuring and a lot of epic monsters.

NOTE: This story doesn't officially have saga's or saga names. I wasn't serious when I said the begging was called the rise of Deatharrows. Honestly you can call it whatever you want for now because I didn't really plan on making segments of chapters.

< Message edited by deatharrows -- 12/26/2013 14:39:50 >

AQW

Post #: 31

1/4/2014 13:08:32

Chaosweaver Amon
Friendly!

quote:

It had a week since Deatharrows's last adventure and he was feeling great pain in where the were wolf had wounded him.

Werewolf

quote:

One morning, Deatharrows gratefully got out of his sleeping bag to go to breakfast. After he got his food, Deatharrows started to fall a sleep before yet again, an assassin appeared in front of him calling his name. "Deatharrows" said the assassin. "Yeah I got the drill, go to the King of Kill." Deatharrows said grumpily, still exhausted due to lack of sleep. So Deatharrows slowly trudged up the steps to the King of Kill's office.

You used a lot of repetition with Deatharrows's name here, try replacing a couple of these with either 'Him' or 'He'.(This goes for a few of the paragraphs, just do a brief scan of it and just see how much smoother you can make it, by using Deatharrows too much the sentence can sound awkward, sort of clunky.

quote:

The cut burnt worse then he thought was possible for a tiny cut.

I think 'stung' or just 'hurt' might sound more fitting, but that's just me personally.

quote:

"You might remember that while trying to assassinate Lord Dire Lucanus you got wounded by that were wolf." () "Yes, continue."

"Were wounded" And maybe put something in between the two lines, just to sort of even out the sentence.

quote:

"Well I'm hear."

"Here"

Honestly, I can tell your writing is steadily improving. I liked this one a lot, it was quite intriguing to read. Keep up the good work!

DF	Post #: 32

6/14/2014 9:04:15

deatharrows
Member

@Chaos Weaver, I appreciate your support and optimism! Do to it, and the nagging at the back of my mind, I'm returning to continue this tale. Maybe I'll leave the forums when it is done, but for now, I plan to finally continue Bulls Eye. I've cleared my schedule and soaked in great writing from a variety of shows. Now to write whichever chapter I'm on now.

AQW

Post #: 33

6/17/2014 21:54:59

deatharrows
Member

Ok, I made a Bulls Eye special for the war. You can see it in the War Stories and Poetry Page right here.

EDIT: I should mention that the special doesn't effect the main story. Like the war of the Dragon Roses, it's in the present day. Also it's way less serious, minus the violence. However violence was never Bulls Eye's strong point, that being the dialogue in my opinion. Then again, I did write it, so I guess my opinion is a bit bias. Anyway enjoy the special. It's very light hearted. You have to read it to get the joke.

< Message edited by deatharrows -- 6/18/2014 15:37:02 >

AQW

Post #: 34

6/20/2014 18:43:00

Chaosweaver Amon
Friendly!

I just read the newest chapter, and I really liked it. It seems that in every chapter your writing style just gets a little bit better each time.

DF	Post #: 35

6/23/2014 15:50:12

deatharrows
Member

@Chaosweaver Amon, thanks for the support! It helps when writing to know that people are entertained by what it is that you're writing.

I'm going to wait a bit before making chapter 9. This is to get some error reports, possibly just correct errors myself, and soak in more literature so as to produce a piece of content worth releasing. Basically, I'm taking a small break and then making chapter 8. I've failed miserably at meeting the time limits I've imposed so I'm going to say, expect it before the end of summer. If not that, then before Halloween.

< Message edited by deatharrows -- 6/29/2014 17:47:59 >

AQW

Post #: 36

6/29/2014 17:45:50

deatharrows
Member

Well chapter 9 is over due for the making. I'ma get to typing it. I'll edit this post when it's done. I think another fight is over due. I hope to get in some more character development for Deatharrows and the Monster Hunters, but this story is about adventure. Anyway, I need to stop so I can start with chapter 8 (As weird as that statement sounds). Death log over.

Note: Chapter 9 isn't done. This update is to inform that chapter 9 is being delayed for one reason. That being that I need to browse the df encyclopedia to learn about some monsters. Last time I went and made something without doing research was the EnTropical Tales, and that had a gazillion errors in terms of the DF canon. Just wanted to inform you all that there's gonna be a small delay.

Note: I've began chapter 9. I'm three paragraphs in. However, real life requires some attention. I'll have to stop work for a bit, but enough is done that I can promise chapter 9 will be done soon. Update over.

And Chapter 9 is done. I wanted to put in the fight scene but there wasn't enough time. I think it's good, but please inform me if it's bloated. I appreciate criticism. It helps me improve my work. By the way, Deatharrows personality might not seem very evil. That's because I'm starting to make his personality more like mine, sarcastic, but kind. So post opinions, criticism, and errors. Peace!

< Message edited by deatharrows -- 6/29/2014 21:17:01 >

AQW

Post #: 37

7/3/2014 11:38:15

deatharrows
Member

Hey everyone. I don't mean to sound impatient here, but chapter 9 was a very long chapter. I'm not sure wether the things I did in that chapter were good or bad. I'd just like to ask for some opinions and errors before I move onto chapter 10. I'm not sure that making Arya was the best decision, or that giving Deatharrows a love interest was either. That's why I like to have opinions so I know where to take the series with each passing chapter. If I'm correct, and I probably am, Bulls Eye could last a good 20+ chapters. That's why I ask for help from those who enjoy my writing. I just don't want to make sub par work rather than delivering the best possible content that I can. That's all and I bid thee farewell and good day.

AQW

Post #: 38

8/5/2014 17:10:31

deatharrows
Member

Well either no one has read this, everyone is enraged by the lag between chapters, or everyone was enraged by what I did. No matter, I am finally making chapter 10. I've taken a ton of time and put a lot of thought into it. I refuse to rush this series, simply because it's fun writing, and it's even more fun writing things that don't fail. By the way, the skeleton of the story has finally been thought out, so now I know where I'll be heading with this. Well times a' waisting. Chapter 10 will be done soon, and if not, it's due to real life distractions and it'll be done a few hours later than it would be otherwise.

By the way, when I said in love last chapter, I meant like a crush. I thought about it and realized Deatharrows would be way to shallow if he fell in love instantly. Not to say there won't be actual feelings of love between the characters in chapters to come, but just that he's not quite sure what he's feeling right now. Now back to work.\

NOTE: I made it clear in chapter 3 that the Eye of Hatred killed a girl, not a guy. However, I accidentally lost all progress on chapter 10. Now I'm speed typing what I lost Sorry :(

< Message edited by deatharrows -- 8/5/2014 18:31:18 >

AQW

Post #: 39

8/5/2014 17:50:37

Master Samak
Productive!
Steward Leprechaun
L&L

That's fine news, just fine, that you're on to Chapter 10! Real life distractions are definitely a thing. :)

It might help to include links to each specific chapter you post, so readers can quickly navigate to your new writing.

Anyway, I intend on reading from the beginning to get a fresh take of your story and see if I can't comment on it. Write on!

Post #: 40

8/5/2014 19:56:48

deatharrows
Member

And chapter 10 is done. I slaved away at this for two hours but it's done. Here's a link as suggester by Master Samak. Please post opinions and criticism as always. Thanks and bye.

AQW

Post #: 41

8/5/2014 21:19:57

Master Samak
Productive!
Steward Leprechaun
L&L

And I have finished reading "Bulls Eye"!

The storyline is interesting, filled with the adventures of an assassin and what troubles he encounters. I am curious about the mysterious witch and why she let Deatharrows live, which is cool! And I personally think making Arya is fine. She adds just another part of Deatharrows' crazy life and makes me curious as to what role she will play and what success or tragedy will happen with the assassin's feelings. I really like the black and white dream Deatharrows had about his humanity at risk. And the Eye of Hatred is a cool concept too.

It all just keeps the pot (and plot) stirring, which is great! Keep it up with details that the reader can use to go further into the story.

Now, let's talk about editing. There is a decent amount of typos and grammatical errors in every chapter, so I will try addressing two main ones.

1. You seem to be caught on homonyms/homophones, etc., meaning that you incorrectly use words that may sound similar but don't mean the same. For instance, using "then vs. than" or "less vs. lest" or "they're vs. their vs. there" or "its vs. it's" or "weary vs. wary" or "knocked vs. nocked" or "you vs. your vs. you're".

2. When writing with dialogue, you need to make a new paragraph whenever someone new speaks, like this:

quote:

"I like your robes," said the first wizard, pointing. His fingers fluttered over the second wizard's sleeve. "That gold trim stands out very well."

"Keep yer paws off it!" snarled the second wizard. With a jerk of his arm, he batted away the first wizard's hand.

"All right, all right, keep your hat on," said the first wizard. "I was only just noticing. It was hard to see much of anything in that cave back there. Never—"

"What's going on?" panted the third wizard, finally catching up to them.

Do you see what I mean?

I can give you more critiques if you like, but for now I just suggest going through your previous chapters, looking at each line, and seeing if it makes sense or needs to be fine-tuned. Let me know if you have any questions!

Post #: 42

8/6/2014 10:03:09

deatharrows
Member

@Master Samak, thanks for the help. However the chapters are vast in numbers so I might only be able to get a few of the many typos before I just lose interest. I still appreciate the criticism.
Oh about the dialogue thing, to do that, I'd have to edit each chapter so the style didn't dramatically change and that could take hours. I apologize, but I don't think I could handle that much editing.

< Message edited by deatharrows -- 8/6/2014 18:03:36 >

AQW

Post #: 43

8/8/2014 12:03:34

deatharrows
Member

I know everyone has one question. "Deatharrows, why is your hair so impeccable both in the story, and in real life?" Well the answer is I am actually Zeus. Actually, I guess you all are also wondering both when the next chapter will be, and why I refer to myself and maybe two others as "You all". As for the chapter thing, I've stated I am really determined to make Bulls Eye a story worth reading. By the end, I hope it could stand amongst the actual in game stories. As of now, I'm working out the details of plot points I've developed. I have figured out the role each character will play, but there will still probably be some degree of improv, and perhaps some plot holes. By the way, to clarify, the Eye of Hatred absorbed a girl. I know it said both he and she earlier, but that was an error. Anyhow, without spoiling much, you can expect each character to have developments, and Deatharrows to learn more about this world he's fighting both for and against. I do truly love writing a story like this. With that, I may continue writing today, or keep thinking. I'll decided that now. Death note (Note the anime you sillies) over.

AQW

Post #: 44

8/11/2014 22:08:50

deatharrows
Member

As some of you may have noticed, I haven't made the next chapter yet. I'm still working out the details, and my schedule is a bit packed, but it should be sometime soon. Something is aiding this though. As some of you may remember, I made a brief post during the Werewolf War saying that my laptop had a crack. Since then, the crack has grown to mess up the colors, and made typing a royal pain since I had to scroll the page down to just the right position to even see what I was typing. All of this has been solved. I now own a beautiful new laptop... ok it's not new, but it's also not broken! Now I will have a lot more ease when I do decide to type! As for Bulls Eye, I have the fight scene all figured out, but I'm figuring out the thing to follow. Well that's all for now. Death note, over.

AQW

Post #: 45

8/12/2014 18:53:00

afb728
Member

I figured I'd read your story since you read mine.

First chapter: I fail to see how an arrow shot dead-center into a head could cause the head's owner to cough up blood.

Aside from typos and the like, I enjoy this. You have some great ideas, and each chapter has something new and interesting in it. Nice use of internal conflict in the most recent chapter.

DF	Post #: 46

8/17/2014 15:46:49

deatharrows
Member

I'm going to begin chapter 11! I'm really excited because I can FINALLY DO A FIGHT SCENE!!!! Also, I fixed the typo where white was spelled whit. I was typing for 3 hours for that, so my mind must have just broke. Well anyway, I'ma get typing.

AQW

Post #: 47

8/17/2014 17:09:50

deatharrows
Member

Chapter 11 is done. I'd have to say, it's pretty action oriented. But not dreadful. It gave me time to finish developing some things I had planned, some of which won't be evident until later. Over all, it's not to bad, and I'd recommend you guys check it out. Don't forget to post opinions and criticism. Thank you all and have a good day/night! I'm honored to share this with you all.

AQW

Post #: 48

8/17/2014 17:55:17

Master Samak
Productive!
Steward Leprechaun
L&L

And not a bad fight scene at that! It made sense to me and kept me reading to the end. Very nice. I like how you mixed in the struggle Deatharrows is having with his other self.

3 Things:

1. With this chapter, I'm noting misuse of the word "through" when you're actually trying to say "threw" or "throw", the act of flinging an object away. Yes?

2. When you get to parts where someone gets injured or someone is rendered unconscious, consider describing how they become that way, instead of just stating the passive fact. It gives you more opportunity to add details that can keep the reader invested in the midst of action, you know?

3.

quote:

"By the avatars, it'll kill Leon... and then.... Arya." these words passed through Deatharrows's head.

Just a missed capitalization.

Short and sweet, and your chapter ends with mystery about what'll happen next! Can't wait!

Post #: 49

8/18/2014 12:47:57

deatharrows
Member

@Samak, thanks for the info! I'll try to fix these issues! I really appreciate help, because it makes it just a bit easier to keep writing, and I do love writing this series.

Anyway, I thought of something last night. This "thing" must be clarified. Arya Raynes, the daughter of Scourge, is not in fact based off Arya Stark. This is not me trying to write some weird GoT fan fiction between Deatharrows and Arya Stark. I just liked the name, and both characters (Arya Raynes and Arya Stark) are hunters and are good with a bow. I just thought the name would fit. Thank god I clarified that. About the future of Bulls Eye, I just want to give you all a little insight. Lupus is a special werewolf, and we'll learn more about him in chapters to come. By the way, the name Lupus was inspired by a forumite, Lupus the wolf. Excpect to see more of Deatharrows's Cute Li'l alter ego. As for the silent man, yes he has a name. Deatharrows hasn't had the chance to ask, and really doesn't want to. So here's to the future of Bulls Eye, and remember, Legends Never Die. Death note over.

EDIT: I fixed the typos, and I decided to also try adding a bit more detail at recommendation of Samak. By the way, I just figured I should mention that school is starting again soon for me. I won't be making another chapter for a while(several months). This would be the case anyway though, seeing as I need time to plan and draw inspiration from other literature. Just thought I ought to mention that.

< Message edited by deatharrows -- 8/18/2014 12:53:26 >

AQW

Post #: 50

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