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RE: (DF) Bulls Eye Discussion Thread

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5/2/2015 13:13:22   
deatharrows
Member

And I'm back. So some quick notices, I have no excuse for my break, I was just being really lazy. However I thought of a few changes I plan to take with the direction this story heads. The next chapter will be up soon. Just wanted to notify anyone who cared.

EDIT: Chapter 12 is out! I accidentally deleted a copy, but its done. I hope you guys like it, and sorry for the months of waiting.

< Message edited by deatharrows -- 5/2/2015 19:07:47 >
DF AQW  Post #: 51
5/2/2015 22:48:58   
Azan
Member

Hey there! I just finished reading all of your story! I must say I'm very impressed! I liked it very much!

Some quick comments:

In Chapter 1, about the bandit boss, you say
quote:

he wore an eye patch on both eyes

Then... how is he supposed to see? :P

You also say
quote:

a clock that covered everything but his ,

I'm going to assume you meant a "cloak", and it seems like there's a word missing at the end of this part of sentence.

Also, if Deatharrows shot the leader right between the eyes, how come the leader is still alive to talk, even for a few seconds? This should have killed him on the spot.

In Chapter 3, when entering the "trap room", you describe it as filled with nothing, but a paragraph later, there's a dead armored man lying on the ground. I'm not sure how Deatharrows missed noticing this when he entered.

I like very much the concept of the Eye of Hatred. It's so... grim. Knowing there's actually a poor soul trapped into this thing who feeds it with her insanity and bad emotions... that's a great idea. Thumbs up!

In Chapter 4, Deatharrows seems to forget very quickly that he was stabbed in the leg with a dagger. Just ripping it out and using it to kill things, seemingly without feeling any pain at all, does seem a bit unrealistic. In Chapter 5, he also totally ignores his wound.

I have to tell you, I absolutely love Deatharrows's personality. The way he just goes into challenges, with a bit of irony and humour, and the way you say in Chapter 8 that he "slept not knowing what tomorrow would bring, and loving every minute of it"... thumbs up for the character, you did a really great job designing him.

Overall, it's a great story. I enjoyed every part of it, and I'm definitely looking forward to the next chapters!

Azan
Post #: 52
5/10/2015 13:15:50   
deatharrows
Member

@Azan, thank you for the compliments. I do my best to make Deatharrows an interesting character both from the readers perspective, and for me to write. If he wasn't interesting, I'd get bored of writing really quickly. As for the errors you mentioned, I fixed the bandit chief, making him have only one eye patch, and having Deatharrows shoot him in the chest, which would leave him some time to speak before he choked to death or bled out. The room was now no longer empty, but the lights were dimmed, making it hard for a still hazy Deatharrows to notice a body. And as for the dagger, I added a note about blood lose when Deatharrows fatigue was being brought up in the middle of the Esmerelda battle, but I'm pretty sure the Rake had little experience with such a weapon, and Deatharrows had obviously undergone some training before heading out to become an assassin. As such, I believe his combat prowess has come to the point where he can continue fighting and ignore his wounds longer than the average man or woman. That said, this was mid combat, and after his adrenaline wore off, Deatharrows had to spend a bit of time recovering.
DF AQW  Post #: 53
6/8/2015 14:52:00   
deatharrows
Member

Chapter 13 is out! I'm sorry for the wait, but when I tried writing it a week ago, I lost my work when I was logged off randomly. Anyways, please enjoy it.
DF AQW  Post #: 54
6/14/2015 16:31:45   
Azan
Member

quote:

I started invading and conquering near by clans

I think you mean "nearby".

Other than that, I think you're doing a perfect job at writing antiheroes. Deatharrows remorselessly using another human as a bait for a bloodthirsty creature really defines how fitting he is for the assassin's job.
Post #: 55
6/22/2015 15:07:20   
deatharrows
Member

@Azan, I corrected the error. Also I appreciate that, as I've always tried to make it apparent that Deatharrows has the wit and the ruthlessness to get out of most situations he's thrust into. I've always thought that was what was so cool about assassins.

Also Chapter 14's out! Its called "Into the Shadows" and its a bit short, but I think its alright. The next chapter should be a fair bit larger, and I expect to have the escapades in jail wrapped up in the next two chapters. So just keep giving errors and opinions everyone, and I'll keep putting chapters out when I have the chance.

< Message edited by deatharrows -- 6/22/2015 15:08:29 >
DF AQW  Post #: 56
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