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RE: Angel: The Beautiful Outcast [Comments]

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8/16/2008 18:26:35   
_Depression
Member

xD If only Chapter 6 wouldn't keep screwing with me, I would be writing a lot more. =/
AQ  Post #: 26
8/16/2008 22:15:38   
Richie
Member

wow. I completely forgot about this story. It finally makes it to tis second page. congradulations. lol
DF  Post #: 27
8/19/2008 13:56:10   
basilisk123456
Member

I hope a new chapter comes out soon.
AQ MQ  Post #: 28
9/6/2008 2:03:15   
_Depression
Member

Chapter 6 is released.

Yes, I know it has been a long while since I've released something for Angel, but I've been so distracted with school, and family affairs, that I haven't been able to write as much as I want.

I decided to finish the chapter tonight, and worked for about five hours just to get it done. I need to move on with the story, and if I didn't do it now, I don't know when I would.

=)
AQ  Post #: 29
9/6/2008 11:21:26   
jerenda
Member

Yay! I know I never gave you a proper critique for Chapter 5, so I'll start with that. Need to refresh my memory anyways. ^_^

Didn't find much in Chapter 5, except to say that I don't remember who has blue hair and who's got white wings, etc, so when you refer to them through that I get kinda confused if there's nothing else that will help me pinpoint them, personality wise.

quote:

We are Angels, the most beautiful and most perfect people on the Earth. But we're also the biggest threat to everyone else who lives.
I really like these two sentances for some reason. ^_^

quote:

...we can survive here for a long while, if we're careful."


quote:

Serenity walked quickly back as the older Angel opened the folder titled 'Serenity.'
I'd find another word for "walk", seeing as you just used it in the paragraph above.

Mmm, cute. I can see they're going to need some defenses if they're going to survive on their own. You do know you can't just randomly drop a guy into the story, have him float around for a chaper, and then leave? That's bad form- really bad form. ^_^ He'd better have some other purpose later on.

That aside, I like it. Interesting, etc. Keep up the good excellent amazing spectacular work! ^_^

< Message edited by jerenda -- 9/6/2008 11:24:17 >
AQ DF  Post #: 30
9/8/2008 16:24:59   
mastin2
Member

YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*Reads*

quote:

There's no excuse for me, I never planned for there to be one.
I'd make the comma a semicolon.

quote:

It seems creepy, I get that.
Again, my comma tastes tell me that should be a semicolon.

quote:

My friend Mary was killed when we were only six years old, and ever since then I've feared for our lives.
I'd probably put a comma after 'then'. I'd possibly put a comma before and after 'Mary'. But ignore me. 'Tis just a slower flow. :P

quote:

'They have money now,' he thought., his lips forming a shaky smile.
the period should not be there, after 'thought'. The comma, yes, but not the period.

quote:

Lucie's gone, we're free.
Guess what? If you guessed anything other than I would make that comma a semicolon, you're wrong. Again, just opinion...

quote:

Hurry up and bag that brat, these two are hot.
Jup. Another opinion saying that comma looks better as a semicolon.

Well, I finished reading. A great chapter as usual! :)

...Just be careful. It is easy to get the angels confused. I had to reread many paragraphs to fully understand the chapter; Jerenda is right.

-M

< Message edited by mastin2 -- 9/8/2008 17:51:56 >
Post #: 31
9/27/2008 21:58:13   
_Depression
Member

I realized that I have difficulty remembering the angels, as well. So I'll probably spend part of the next couple chapters subtly re-introducing them, so we can all recognize them better.

And thanks, Jerenda, for your concern about Jake. But the boy is not gone. He'll be back. =)
AQ  Post #: 32
10/5/2008 16:34:38   
Swallowtail
Creative!


 keep working! i've only read a little bit so far, but it seems to be really good! Just make sure, even if it seems like you're stuck, keep writing! if you stop... its hard to get back in the groove. i know! haha
AQ  Post #: 33
10/6/2008 21:01:37   
_Depression
Member

Thanks for the encouragement. I've kept trying to start up the next chapter, but I never like what I have, so I go back and restart...

I want to have a new chapter out by Halloween, and though it seems like a long way off, I probably won't be able to keep even that deadline.

=)
AQ  Post #: 34
10/26/2008 21:31:57   
jerenda
Member

Halloween's in one week, _Dep, and I for one eagerly await the next chapter. *poksies*
AQ DF  Post #: 35
10/27/2008 17:08:54   
_Depression
Member

xD Time sure flies when you're trying to put a chapter together...

I honestly think I'll make the deadline, though, as long as I don't get too caught up in LittleBigPlanet when it releases tomorrow...
AQ  Post #: 36
11/3/2008 21:05:35   
_Depression
Member

Okay, Chapter 7 is really giving me a hard time. I can think of nothing, and I like what I have, so I don't want to get rid of it...

So I'm doing something I've never done before. I'm posting what I have of the chapter and begging you, the readers, to give me input. What do you think would logically happen next? What would you want to happen next?

I really need the help, guys. =/
AQ  Post #: 37
11/5/2008 15:03:07   
mastin2
Member

What do I think happens next? The original chapter four, you know, the one you posted on that other site. Yea, I still remember it. I think you should stick to that, the original. ;)
Post #: 38
11/6/2008 21:05:11   
_Depression
Member

I don't think it's plausible to go back and find Lucie's body. For one reason, it's been hours since the scene, and if some pedestrian hasn't found the body yet, either the Hunter took it with her, or he hid it well. And if the body had been found... I don't know how I could get the body back, or what would happen then.

Actually, hiding the body is a fairly plausible scenario. Especially if the Hunter hid her body with those of the Chasers she killed... I think I could write that scene fairly well...

Well, unless I can think of something better, I'll probably go with that. =)
AQ  Post #: 39
3/28/2009 0:54:31   
mjbidner
Member

Well that sounds good, although maybe you could follow the hunter a bit too? just a suggestion.
Post #: 40
8/31/2009 22:49:47   
_Depression
Member

I'm really considering what to do with this story. I like the concept too much to stop writing it, and I've used all of the angels in RPs on other sites (Serenity is still my absolute favorite), but I'm stuck with this. I know what I want the plot to lead to, but I don't have a way to get it there.
AQ  Post #: 41
9/1/2009 14:49:32   
deathwalker05
Member

You could always try some inexplicitable unexpected natural disaster, like a tornado or something, to try and help move the story along. =)
Like, forgot if they found the body or not, a torrential downpour uncovering lucie's body or something.

< Message edited by deathwalker05 -- 9/1/2009 14:50:12 >
AQ  Post #: 42
5/7/2010 3:13:43   
Isis
Member

Nooo! D:

This beautiful story lies incomplete and leaves me wanting more!
The last passage (chapter 7) was submitted over two years ago though...*sighs*

Anybody know whether the author is still active?
*half expects a reply within the dusty forum*


EDIT: *wails again with clenched fists* Noooo!!

< Message edited by Isis -- 5/7/2010 3:15:38 >
Post #: 43
5/10/2010 20:24:07   
jerenda
Member

Try PMing him. He might be still active, but elsewhere, like me. I do agree, it is beautiful... but if the muse died, the muse died. Nevermind, I've decided I don't believe that. Hey _Depression! If you know where it's going but not how to get there, post a blank page once or twice, to fill in later, and then write us what happens later! Then, when your muse is working again, you'll figure out what to put there.

< Message edited by jerenda -- 5/10/2010 20:29:46 >
AQ DF  Post #: 44
5/21/2010 23:10:28   
_Depression
Member

Wow, there are new posts here?

Sorry guys, college has been a pretty big deal for me lately, so most of my writing has been on hold (save Author's Fantasy, but even that is moving at a snail's pace). I really love this story though, so expect me to definitely come back to it now that the summer is here.

<3 you two for reading it and reminding me, in fact I'm going to go re-read it all now.
AQ  Post #: 45
5/21/2010 23:39:43   
deathwalker05
Member

Your Back!!!!
AQ  Post #: 46
5/21/2010 23:42:42   
_Depression
Member

What about my back? =O Did someone put a Kick Me sign there again??

*pulls the paper off his back* Dammit Serenity!

Edit: Sorry, I'm still a grammar nazi...

And yes! I am!

< Message edited by _Depression -- 5/21/2010 23:44:35 >
AQ  Post #: 47
5/22/2010 1:41:22   
demolitiondragon
Constructively Friendly!


 It wasn't Serenity... IT WAS ME. *Mwahahas*

Well, get writin'. Daylight's Summer's burnin'. ;)
Post #: 48
5/27/2010 0:02:52   
_Depression
Member

Lol yeah, I wish I could write more, I have two jobs (7 AM - 3 PM, 5 PM - 9 PM) so I barely have time to watch the New York Mets play before I have to sleep.

But I've already written a new paragraph, we'll see what more I can get done.
AQ  Post #: 49
5/27/2010 3:21:42   
Isis
Member

Hurrah! You're back!

I'm new to this following you have but am definitely in it for the long run.

We've all had our RL duties greedily sapping at our free time, but just knowing that you've dedicated what's left of yours to this story is encouraging.

"Good things come to those who wait."

*waits patiently for Chapter.8*

Post #: 50
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