Heh, I remember asking you if Verily was a terza rima 'cause it was kinda like it and confused me, lol.
I really like this, Eukky! It flowed beautifully and brought out some powerful emotion. I didn't really go looking for all "off" lines, but I did notice a few typos.
A Tirza Rima
Shouldn't that be "terza rima"? That's how I thought it was spelled, and what you put on the comments thread. ;)
Eyes open, I see all of this, Eyes closed I weep and demand -
I don't think the second "eyes" should be capitalized, unless you're going for a special effect of capitalizing all "eyes" or something.
Again, I loved it. The only overall thing I see is perhaps adding a few more commas in the middle of lines to help out the reader. It sometimes got confusing without commas. For example:
quote:I had to read that over. I almost though "it" was a typo or something. It might be just me, but a comma after "it" might've made the line more flowing and clear.
Instant, fleeting, with it lost souls are bought.
Otherwise, I loved! You should do more terza rimas. ;)