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RE: Dragonfly Dreams Poetry ~ No One

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9/28/2008 23:24:33   
Brynn Summers
Winter-Spring 2009 Honoured Writer


 wow... that new poem touched my heart. i myself am depressed with the way that our nation is going. oh to go back to our founding father's dreams! but it is not to be...
Post #: 26
9/29/2008 13:11:10   
Sairex the Dragwolf
Member

Your latest poem nearly brought me to tears (which is hard to do). Your understanding of the world and the beautiful you showed it. The flawless rhymes and the amazing language.

Hats off, Eukara, you've created a masterpiece.
AQ DF  Post #: 27
10/1/2008 12:24:55   
Eukara Vox
Legendary AdventureGuide!


 This week's homework!

Hehe, I love this. This past week I introduced Terza Rima to my students. We looked at hte concepts behind it, studied its origins (Dante for anyone who cares!) and read a couple of examples. My students left, excited about this week's work assignment and so did I. I love trying new things and I have really loved trying out my hand in new poetry styles.

Terza Rima is a poem that is written ABA BCB CDC DED EFE and so on until the last stanza. The last stanza is one or two lines alone that rhyme with the previous stanza's second line.

For example: ABA BCB CDC DED EE

So here is my attempt, though I will have to write a new one. I think this one is a little to much for a middle school poetry class. I need something a bit lighter.

What May Come

Now off to do some much promised reading.
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 28
10/1/2008 15:31:17   
Brynn Summers
Winter-Spring 2009 Honoured Writer


 I really like the rhyme scheme for your newest poem. I've never seen anything like it even though I've read some of Dante's works. I guess I just didn't pay attention to it. I don't think it's too much for middle schoolers. That is often the best time to stretch their imaginations and thinking processes. Give it to 'em! *huggles Eukara*
Post #: 29
10/1/2008 16:48:45   
Firefly
Lore-ian


 Heh, I remember asking you if Verily was a terza rima 'cause it was kinda like it and confused me, lol.

I really like this, Eukky! It flowed beautifully and brought out some powerful emotion. I didn't really go looking for all "off" lines, but I did notice a few typos.

quote:

A Tirza Rima

Shouldn't that be "terza rima"? That's how I thought it was spelled, and what you put on the comments thread. ;)

quote:

Eyes open, I see all of this, Eyes closed I weep and demand -

I don't think the second "eyes" should be capitalized, unless you're going for a special effect of capitalizing all "eyes" or something.

Again, I loved it. The only overall thing I see is perhaps adding a few more commas in the middle of lines to help out the reader. It sometimes got confusing without commas. For example:

quote:

Instant, fleeting, with it lost souls are bought.
I had to read that over. I almost though "it" was a typo or something. It might be just me, but a comma after "it" might've made the line more flowing and clear.

Otherwise, I loved! You should do more terza rimas. ;)

_____________________________
AQ  Post #: 30
10/1/2008 17:19:34   
Eukara Vox
Legendary AdventureGuide!


 Yeah, I knew the punctuation is off. I have the most trouble with poetic punctuation. I think there are other places I need to change too, more form my perspective. I am glad that you like it though!

Thanks Firefly.
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 31
10/6/2008 16:46:05   
Fleur Du Mal
Member

Hi!

I read your four haikus, and I must say that the last two, Grace and Wish were uttely beautiful!

It's just a minor, insignificant detail, but the punctuation isn't consistent through the set: you don't end with a period the first haiku but you put it in the end of the second one.

Another thing I found interesting that each line is one line: I mean that you haven't continued the sentences from one line to another. This maybe a cultural/language thing, but when I read translated haikus in my own language, the sentences tend to float over the lines, leaving them looking like this (loosely translated in English):

"If not to you, then
whom shall I show the blossom
of an old plum tree?"
-- Anonymous Japanese poet

To me, this continuity of sentenses over the lines adds to the flow of the tankas and haikus.


*goes to reread Grace* =)

< Message edited by fabula -- 10/6/2008 16:56:47 >
DF  Post #: 32
10/6/2008 19:12:15   
Eukara Vox
Legendary AdventureGuide!


 Fabule, you will notice I am not the best person to talk to about punctuation in poetry. XD

Thanks for reading my haikus. I guess my students did better than me, because they actually had complete thoughts throughout each poem. I will take a look and try to fix that.

Thanks again.
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 33
10/7/2008 9:58:22   
garnetdragoness
Member

sorry I havent visited in na while Eukara. crazy things have been going on for me lately and havent had much time for reading. read your newest since my last visit.....BRAVO!!!! I have something new up I think you will like...and OMG....it doesnt rhyme!
AQ  Post #: 34
10/19/2008 15:47:50   
Eukara Vox
Legendary AdventureGuide!


 Unknown

Here is this weeks assignment for my class. We are writing villanelles! Woohoo, this was chalenging yet much fun. I may end up writing many of these.

Next to end the class will be a narrative...
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 35
10/19/2008 17:06:19   
time losh
Member

Yay! New poem is out ^^ We love you Eukara, keep up the good work. *gives Eukara a sword and a wedge of cheese*
AQ  Post #: 36
10/20/2008 15:30:32   
Eukara Vox
Legendary AdventureGuide!


 Aww Losh, you are so sweet! *nibbles the cheese*

Another one! This villanelle was actually started in class. The first two stanzas were written as a class. I let the kids write the lines for the most part after we talked about the theme of the repeated lines.

Tornado
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 37
10/20/2008 17:50:06   
  Master Samak
Productive!
Steward Leprechaun
L&L


 Unknown and Tornado were beautiful in their own way. I really like to read Villanelles now. The way they end with the starting stanzas, the interlacing rhymes.... :)

I might be able to relate to Unknown somehow, like it is brushing against my memory with the utmost familiarity... and Tornado seemed very, very realistic.


I will say again, Eukara, I really wish I was in your class.
AQ DF  Post #: 38
10/21/2008 14:16:05   
Sairex the Dragwolf
Member

I read Tornado, me loves it. The structure if this Villanele thing is quite catchy, as I said me likes it. Sorry I can't catch up on everything you wrote :(

_____________________________
AQ DF  Post #: 39
11/27/2008 21:54:56   
Coyote
Member

Y'know how I said I'd write music to one of your poems? Well, guess what? =D
(If there are any odd blips here and there, blame my compy.)

I'm going to see if I can get the sheet music to you, somehow. I've got a scanner, but neither of my printers work for me. Neither of the installation CD's are compatible with Vista, and I have to get them installed the hard way. =/

EDIT: Here's the music. Open the file with Internet Explorer; it should be able to open it 'cause you've got Vista.

< Message edited by Versilaryan -- 11/27/2008 22:07:29 >
AQ DF MQ AQW  Post #: 40
11/27/2008 22:25:52   
Eukara Vox
Legendary AdventureGuide!


 Oh Versy!

It is wonderful. I feel so privileged to have you do this, to use my poem.

I am smiling so big that it hurts.

AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 41
12/3/2008 0:45:47   
Eukara Vox
Legendary AdventureGuide!


 This started out as a joke elsewhere, then got all serious.

Don't be too harsh. I wrote it sick and tired.

A Conversation
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 42
12/4/2008 18:38:41   
Sentharn
Member

Awww, both those poems are amazing! In a mood to be philosophical about the world?

I still think Price of Gain reminds me of something in real life, but I can't recall what!
Ah well. Great job!
Post #: 43
12/13/2008 4:06:34   
Eukara Vox
Legendary AdventureGuide!


 Broken and Torn

Paul Spaeth strikes again.

This poem, to understand the affect of the words and flow, needs to be read to the song Truth in Soul. Though, it is just fine standing alone.
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 44
12/25/2008 10:15:16   
garnetdragoness
Member

read all your newest ones since my last visit. very nice. I have to tell you "A Converstion" has to be one of my faves by you! I absolutely loved it!
AQ  Post #: 45
1/6/2009 2:52:44   
Eukara Vox
Legendary AdventureGuide!


 Yay, a new poem!

Another Villanelle. I think this is my favorite poem type. I think I have already said this somewhere else. Oh well!

Touch
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 46
1/7/2009 7:04:22   
Fleur Du Mal
Member

Hi!

Since the everyday ordinarities felt suffocating today, I decided to seek little refuge from your poetry thread and read Touch. It worked, like I expected.

The name of the villanelle is well met indeed as it is a very touching piece. There's an air of simple beauty behind the words you have chosen and yet the feeling of a person's uselessness (or is it weakness) against certain things protrudes through it. Well, that's how I interpreted it as my own current state of mind points that way; not making any assumptions if this was what you wanted to portray.

Anyways, I enjoyed it, the words as I said, how it flowed through the lines and how the repeating questions made added a sense of confinement. As if the very dense thoughts were portrayed with words that draw breath on their own. Hmm. My seem to lack words to describe my incoherent thoughts that arose from reading.

And because I'm such a person who always has to yap about something...
quote:

And if these feelings of helplessness grew

Totally only my opinion, but using the singular form, 'this feeling of helplessness' would sound more stronger, more "precise" here than the plural form, as there's only one kind of feeling defined after it: the helplessness.

Just typing my random thoughts...
Once again, beautiful piece. Thanks for sharing!
DF  Post #: 47
1/7/2009 8:21:03   
Eukara Vox
Legendary AdventureGuide!


 Hmmm, I think you are right. The singular feeling sounds stronger and makes more sense.

I am glad that you liked the poem. I had things come to a head the day I wrote it, people I care about going through stuff. 'Twas my release.
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 48
1/8/2009 20:18:43   
Brynn Summers
Winter-Spring 2009 Honoured Writer


 Beautiful new poem, Eukara. I really like it.
Post #: 49
1/19/2009 1:10:22   
Eukara Vox
Legendary AdventureGuide!


 Sometimes, reality bites. Especially when you knew it was coming and yet had faith that it wouldn't.

Empty Heart
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 50
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