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RE: Royalty of New Haven ~ An Epic Tale ~ Done! It is complete!

 
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7/22/2008 16:37:39   
mastin2
Member

I skimmed it before. I enjoyed. It showed just how skillful you are. And now I'm reading (in detail) the whole thing. But, because it is poetry, I really can't offer many opinions.

That doesn't mean I won't try.

quote:

Thatís not likeme.


Forget to space something out? 'likeme' should be 'like me'.

quote:

as I was getting bored of all the pathetic things you want me to do.
Bit long for one line, no? You may wish to break it up.

quote:

Jasmina was kinda very trapped.
Isn't 'kinda very' kinda a contradiction?

quote:

A they sit down in a silent alley Carlos whispers:
The first 'A'='As'?

That is all...

< Message edited by mastin2 -- 7/23/2008 4:02:35 >
Post #: 26
7/23/2008 8:16:16   
Mistermafio
Member

Thanks Mastin. I'm glad you enjoyed the story enough to read it completely. ^>^

I'll take care of these typo's the second I find time. But there are some other things that need done first.

Would you mind answering me one question, which I'd like to ask the rest of you too:
If this plot was written down in story form, would you have enjoyed it?
And to continiue on that line,
What do you think of the plot?

Of course, there's no need to answer this... I'm just curious. :^P
AQ  Post #: 27
7/23/2008 14:30:11   
mastin2
Member

I'd enjoy it, no matter what form it is in!

The plot was excellent. It was fairly unique. I have not seen any other with a story quite like yours. Sure, I've seen elements from your story plenty of times (such as plenty of betrayal), but none like this. It's that good, MM!
Post #: 28
7/24/2008 17:51:16   
Mistermafio
Member

That's great to hear. In the past, plot was one of the things I struggled with most. This time I used a differend method of planning and I'm glad to see it helped.
AQ  Post #: 29
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