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Comments: The Quiet in my Mind Speaks Verses to my Heart.

 
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7/13/2008 20:58:31   
nolraitru
Member

http://forums2.battleon.com/f/tm.asp?m=14248693

Six months of writer's block, and I'm free. :]
Post #: 1
7/14/2008 8:55:11   
gwoonjustin
April 2008 Writer of the Month


I like it.
One thing I must object to though;

quote:

I wish I could show you,
I wish you could know.
If only the words came out,
like these words I type.

If 'I' would just show this poem to 'you' then 'I' could show 'you'...

Other 'bad stuff' I could say is it lacks imagery and may be a bit too general at times. It worked out okay here though. Just watch out in the future.

Good job!
AQ  Post #: 2
7/14/2008 10:40:55   
Eukara Vox
Legendary AdventureGuide!


Emotional.

I find the simplicity of the expression here very nice, actually. Almost as if this was written in a very raw state of being.

quote:

If only they could spill,
from my very battered heart.
If only they could,
if only they would.
I like this stanza the most.

AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 3
7/15/2008 17:11:11   
nolraitru
Member

Gwoon: This is written to somebody. Thanks, though.

'Kara: Actually, I was near tears the whole time writting this ^^;
Thaks for the comments, it's nice to know that it's being read.
Post #: 4
7/15/2008 18:11:49   
Eukara Vox
Legendary AdventureGuide!


You can tell that this poem was extremely heartfelt. I find, sometimes, that the most heartfelt poetry is the simplest. You don't need a ton of words to convey love, sorrow, trepidation, yearning, etc. Sometimes the simplest is the best.

I hope to see more of this. So stay out of the writer's block!
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 5
8/6/2008 15:56:58   
Lux
Member
 

That's...beautiful, iChar. Great poem, 9 out of 10 or something like that :).
AQ DF MQ AQW  Post #: 6
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