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RE: Purrfect Blossoms/Weird Poetry - Update 24Jan2011

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9/18/2009 15:12:04   
Fleur Du Mal
Member

Hellos. Added a murder poem called What Have You Done? As of now, it has no punctuation and the capitalizations may be a bit illogical, I'll fix those later, when I see that thing a bit more coherently. The original insipiration came from a Danish mini-tv-series called Forbrydelsen (Crime), although the scene in the poem has nothing to do with the scene in the TV-series. I was merely going after the mood in some of the scenes.

Any and all comment appreciated! Enjoy if you can.
DF  Post #: 51
9/22/2009 19:14:39   
KageArashi
Member

That's pretty dark,
but a worthy mark.
For many eyes to see,
I am sure they will agree.
That this was excellent,
Even with its dark alignment.
A great skill you claim,
that will garner you great fame.
For I am single fan,
on a trend that has just began.
I await your next update,
for the next thing to be called great!

Ninjat Poof!
--KageArashi


_____________________________
Post #: 52
9/25/2009 15:48:52   
Fleur Du Mal
Member

Thanks for the delightful comment, KageArashi! I am unheathily flattered now. =P


I went back to the poem and tried to fix a few flow problems I noticed it had; some lines were simply overcomplicated and wordy. I hope it's better now.
DF  Post #: 53
9/30/2009 15:28:27   
Fleur Du Mal
Member

Jotted down a little scene of reflection watching in a poem called Untied


A poem called Pretence added as well, forgot to mention. I grouped these two together as they make a pair, sort of. =P

< Message edited by fabula -- 10/12/2009 23:08:04 >
DF  Post #: 54
10/13/2009 13:16:54   
Fleur Du Mal
Member

Oh my, no denying of the law of Gravity. =P

My apologies on the non-existant punctuation, I shall fix it as soon as I have figured out what to do with it.
DF  Post #: 55
12/10/2009 8:41:01   
Fleur Du Mal
Member

A new poem called Daydreaming.

Enjoy! =)
DF  Post #: 56
12/10/2009 15:06:45   
DragonYugi
Member

Incredible! Just incredible! I can't express how amazed I am of your poetry skills, fabula! Indeed you are worthy of your reputation.

/fan
Post #: 57
12/10/2009 15:34:48   
Fleur Du Mal
Member

Thank you so much for the encouraging comment, DragonYugi! I'm glad you enjoyed my scribblings. =)

(I didn't know I had a reputation...lol)

While I was at it, I fixied capitalization issues and one tense issue from the poem as well. =P
DF  Post #: 58
2/24/2010 12:42:56   
Fleur Du Mal
Member

A new poem up: Year of the Tiger. One line was inspired by the pretty graphics of Akiba in AQW during the Chinese New Year event and the rest of it grew around that line. Enjoy! =)
DF  Post #: 59
3/6/2010 12:55:45   
Fleur Du Mal
Member

Hiyas again. Added a few tanka-like poems in two separate mini-sets. Since I thought 'Instances' would describe them best, they are named thusly. =P

Direct links:
Instances 1: of love and longing.
Instances 2: of shame.
DF  Post #: 60
4/28/2010 18:27:14   
Fleur Du Mal
Member

I've had only very little time to write recently, but here's one love poem for you to enjoy, if possible: Prelude to Forever =)
DF  Post #: 61
4/29/2010 7:09:02   
Shreder
Member

I like it Fleur! You should try to write poetry more often, you're really quite good at it!
DF MQ  Post #: 62
4/29/2010 15:25:45   
Fleur Du Mal
Member

Thank you for your encouraging comment, Shreder! =) I do poet away a bit more often than this thread would indicate; not everything that I write gets posted here for various reasons. Still, I wish I had more time to write.
DF  Post #: 63
4/29/2010 15:46:41   
superjars
Member

Oh my, don't we all. It seems that every time I sit down to do some good writing, something always comes up.

I really liked the poem, especially the last line. Very moving.

One thing I saw, though, was line 18:
quote:

temporary days that Time can not ticktate,
Is this correct, or did you mean to use the word 'dictate?'
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 64
4/29/2010 15:49:47   
Fleur Du Mal
Member

=) Thank you for the comments, Superjars, I really appreciate it. =)

'ticktate' is a wordplay with 'dictate' and 'tick'
Time is often said to be ticking and time also dictates select things, thus, 'ticktate' =p
DF  Post #: 65
4/29/2010 15:56:26   
superjars
Member

Ah, I figured you were making up a new word, but I wanted to point it out in case you had just made a simple typo. I actually really like the creation of the new word. I might have to use it sometime. :D
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 66
6/7/2010 21:34:23   
Fleur Du Mal
Member

^Just let me know when you have a poem up that uses that 'word' =P

A new poem, called Wonder. Experimenting with a repetitive and rhyming form. =)
DF  Post #: 67
9/21/2010 10:53:38   
Fleur Du Mal
Member

Seems like there's a new poem. =)

Broken Blue
DF  Post #: 68
10/13/2010 3:05:43   
Shreder
Member

Heya Fleur, I thought your thread looked a little bit sad and lonely, so I though I'd stop by and leave some comments on your more recent poetry.

Wonder: The theme and word choice are excellent, but I cannot help but feel that the length of the lines make reading it aloud a little bit cumbersome. But of course, my preference has always been for shorter, more compact poetry... (As well you know. )

Broken Blue: I have one suggestion on flow in this poem, but aside from that it's also quite good.

quote:

Death embodied behind the generous lipgloss


I feel this line would flow better with the rest of the stanza without the "the", at least in my opinion. (And yes, I know we've had this discussion on the topic of articles in poetry before...)
DF MQ  Post #: 69
10/13/2010 11:20:51   
Hallie Slidepath
Robot Unicorn Overlord


 ^I agree with removing the "the". It would improve the flow.
I think Broken Blue is a very strong poem. Domestic Abuse can be a very hard thing to write about, but I think that this poem deals with it well. It's sad, and it's touching. You're really great at writing poems, so I'll definitely come back here and read more when I have time for it ^^
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 70
10/13/2010 15:04:32   
Fleur Du Mal
Member

Ooh, comments! =)

Shreder, I hope the long lines of Wonder did not give you too much of a headache. =P Yes, our preferences are somewhat different - not that I'd avoid compact poetry altogether - but I very very rarely pay attention on reading poetry aloud, at least not for its entirety, when I write it. I'm rather inclined towards imagery. I'm glad you liked the word choice and theme.


As for Broken Blue, having read the first stanza a few times more, I find myself agreeing with both of you on that particular line. Thus, you can consider the article gone.


Hallie, welcome to my scribblings/thread! I'm thrilled to find out that you liked what you read so far and exhilarated that the poem's emotional effect/fingerprint carried through so well. =)=)


Thank you both for the comments! I really do appreciate them!

DF  Post #: 71
1/19/2011 16:32:23   
Fleur Du Mal
Member

A bit of Surreal poetry to anyone interested. =P


Edit 24Jan2011: Added another, even weirder experiment. Try The Memory Drain if I haven't scared you earlier. =P

< Message edited by Fleur Du Mal -- 1/24/2011 17:36:00 >
DF  Post #: 72
1/25/2011 21:46:55   
Shreder
Member

Try though you might, you can't scare me away.

Surreal: I loved all the imagery in this one; it felt like I was in a most vivid and unusual dream.

The Memory Drain: I'm afraid I can honestly say I have no idea what this is about. Regardless, it was still an interesting read. As with many of your poems, the flow seems a bit iffy to me, but you mentioned previously that you don't really read your poems out loud, so that's understandable...
DF MQ  Post #: 73
1/31/2011 15:11:26   
Fleur Du Mal
Member

Thank you for your comments, Shreder. =) I'm glad you enjoyed the Surreal scenery.

What comes to The Memory Drain, I deliberatly chose not to say out loud what I think it's specifically about. However, as some lines and the title obviously (imo) indicate, a big part is played by an old, unfortunate, even cruesome event in the character's past that they regret and feel at least partial guilt for, and which they would like to forget. The attempts to forget are not proving to be successful and the burden of it is driving them insane.

Yes, I still am not much of a phonetical poet. Even when I *do* read them aloud in my head, I allow for / tolerate odd pauses that somehow make sense to me. Someday, I'll write with a flow...someday...one day... purrhaps ... =P
DF  Post #: 74
3/6/2011 13:46:52   
Fleur Du Mal
Member

Two poems added, first weirder than the other. Special and Liquid . Enjoy. =)
DF  Post #: 75
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