Jjtee
Member
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My life thus far I WILL drag you with me Through my life, through my eyes And you shall read You must read. Speak it aloud and hear it in your ears As if I am there beside you A guide through time that passes slow Written now on this blank window. It starts in black and white My memories cowering from the light An age of movement, of travel back and forth Learning to read and discovering my worth. Beaten sinister hand, Making me write with right, these Archaic rules and superstitions Fill my life with indecision. "What school, what country What language should he speak?" A time of indecision With no decisions made by me. Even then my parents were ambitious, Forcing learning whilst I was swinging free Though tethered to my Father's hand. A push, then all I see is sky Stretched out before me like A satisfactory yawn. "What's an invertebrate?" Is not a question for a three year old, Delusions of grandeur between two chains. Being solo increases pressure Makes you want to achieve something better. Red sweaters now fill my mind, As I enter this brick building for the first time. A place of comfort, of education Learning to colour between the lines. A spot of yellow paint upon a Brilliantly snowy canvas Luckily in a land that's very harmless. Even then I accelerate Never holding on the brake Striving, jumping through the hoops Till the night and its deafening silence. Too much reading made me anxious, Gave me dreams that I couldn't shake Even though I tossed and turned Floundering around like a half chewed worm. Darkness was my only fear Firing adrenaline through my blood Trying to convince myself "There's nothing there, there's nothing there". In my world "there's nothing there", I measured the days with new encounters, "Marvellous Medicine" and "Giant Peaches". It was here my future was fated. I dared to poke the universe Ask it one big favour. Daring not to hope Squeezing on my breath I implored the masters of my life. Finally A decision made by me Among the indecision of eternity. A tender age I left my home Started life anew. Reborn not in fire and future But darkness and tradition. Others now, just as me Away from friends and family. In this place I found myself Realised what cards had been dealt. I spent my mornings, days and nights Walking on the stony paths Enclosed all sides by red bricked buildings With country mist sliding with me. Marching made me feel accepted, Walking side by sides with comrades Friends and companions filling gaps Where family dug the holes. This was the time, the time I made my face to show the world Murdered some parts to create A person that I should be. Years went by, with same routine Of classes, work and joviality. I did my best, as I always do But always fearing for the future. Enveloping my world with all its presence Pressing at my mind It lingered. I do not wish to see my life fly by For my greatest moment to flicker. I fear the reaper and his sickle I fear his touch and I fear for others But utmost I fear to be forgotten. But with resolve I realised I was no seer That I could be what I should be That even through the struggling crisis Through the weeping and the begging The future was not so enticing That the moment is surprising. -Interlude- I avoided it all my life Seeing it all around, Encased and packaged on certain days With others flaunting it Like a new coat. But I had never tried it on Let alone show the world its colours. I was afraid what it would mean How my life could change Or what person I would become. Now it's all strange Strange like the turning of the season When you miss it all together. I must have been sedated Because my vision is blurred And the world seems different. My friend is no longer a stranger She says to me "I'm just very confused right now" I'm glad that she's confused with me. Happy that its me she's confused with. The meaning and the words are there Hanging in the corner of your sight But nobody says anything We don't need to. I like the cold, the frost, the bleak sky. I like having someone to share the chills with. I'm glad I avoided it all my life It makes finding it that much better. The fact is I don't need a coat When I'm wearing it all the time. -Interlude End- My moments were surprising With each day a new street and door. I made the man I wished to be Carved him from my fondest friends Chiseled away my enemies. Even with this I fell. Fell at the last hurdle, Scattering my plans like breadcrumbs Soaking in the tears. I wept and prayed, prayed and wept. But decisions were firm And so did I have to be. But it brings me here. To this very moment, This instant that you are reading That you are seeing, hearing Feeling. It's all determined by the past By our chances and our gambles, I'm here with you now And although this is ending The words are wrapped in dusk and shroud The human voice remains and mine and your story Shall continue And I am not afraid.
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