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9/3/2008 19:44:09

rakkety tam
Member

Hey all, I'm a newly approved Poet, so I just started my first thread. Comments go here, of course.

My poetry thread can be found here.

Enjoy, everyone!

< Message edited by rakkety tam -- 9/3/2008 19:45:47 >

Post #: 1

9/3/2008 21:42:34

Firefly
Lore-ian

I just read Hidden Storm. And... I'm impressed. I'm not normally a fan of freeverse, but yours just speaks to me. You make the emotions come alive. Very, /very/, impressive stuff.

I didn't find much to nitpick on in the initial read. I do have a few suggestions here:

quote:

When nobody notices your tone has changed,
When nobody notices you give shorter answers,
When nobody notices that you're quicker to snap,

Purely opinion, so feel free to ignore me, but I think "no one" flows better.

Nothing much else to say except I loved it. Extremely good freeverse. Great emotion and concept. Loved these lines especially:

quote:

How can you fool them all so well,
When you don't want them to be fooled at all?

Post #: 2

9/4/2008 0:46:00

rakkety tam
Member

Thank you very much! Now that you point it out, you are right. I never noticed it because when I speak it flows the same, but I have a tendency to slur words or speak quickly.

I'm glad I managed to make you enjoy some freeverse.

Post #: 3

9/5/2008 19:02:44

rakkety tam
Member

I just posted a couple more poems. The first is an old one I dug up and the other is relatively new. "Reflection" made me realize I need to go re-edit some of my older pieces.

Post #: 4

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