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RE: [Poetry] Comments on everything before my writing break.

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10/7/2008 22:37:46   
demolitiondragon
Constructively Friendly!


 Fight For You
quote:

it's the only thing I'll never forget to do,

I'd suggest taking out that word for better flow. Other than that, good one! ^_^
Post #: 26
10/8/2008 22:56:32   
SL
Member
 

 Show Me, Tell Me, Give Me A Sign

Hope you enjoy this; lemme know what you make out of the last few lines so I can see if I delivered the right message that I wanted to. But, yeah, enjoy. :P
AQ DF  Post #: 27
10/8/2008 23:01:37   
demolitiondragon
Constructively Friendly!


 Show Me, Tell Me, Give Me A Sign
quote:

how do you live like this every day?

Two words.
quote:

Don't really feel like stretching a hand,

quote:

though it doesn't matter how far,

I'd suggest losing the 'though', to improve flow.

It's another nice one, but I'm not sure of any message, sorry. =[
Post #: 28
10/10/2008 16:31:19   
SL
Member
 

 Of Destruction, Yet Hope

Lemme know what you think. Enjoy.
AQ DF  Post #: 29
10/18/2008 10:27:07   
SL
Member
 

 We Regretfully Report...

Even though I'm busy as ever, I managed to get something new up. Just for you guys. :P
AQ DF  Post #: 30
10/19/2008 18:30:07   
demolitiondragon
Constructively Friendly!


 Of Destruction, Yet Hope
quote:

destruction, the ruining, of
for at least one, one,

Either the 'of' or the 'for' shouldn't be there, imo.
Not bad.

We Regretfully Report
...
Somewhat... profound, that.
...
(^_^)b

< Message edited by demolitiondragon -- 10/19/2008 22:31:49 >
Post #: 31
10/19/2008 20:18:36   
SL
Member
 

 ...depart?

It's report.



< Message edited by SL -- 10/20/2008 19:09:41 >
AQ DF  Post #: 32
10/19/2008 22:31:36   
demolitiondragon
Constructively Friendly!


 *facepalm* Sorry... class was starting, so I was a bit distracted. =]
Post #: 33
10/20/2008 19:10:11   
SL
Member
 

 Ah, I can understand. No worries. ^^ What was the initial thought on the poem, though? >_>
AQ DF  Post #: 34
10/20/2008 21:24:43   
demolitiondragon
Constructively Friendly!


 The fact that that sort of thing happens to someone every day, it seems. That would be my initial thought.
Post #: 35
10/24/2008 22:07:28   
SL
Member
 

 Excessum

New one up. Sorry it hasn't been frequent. Hope you enjoy it.
AQ DF  Post #: 36
10/24/2008 22:22:31   
SL
Member
 

 They Say You Can't

Two up. Joy. :D



< Message edited by SL -- 10/25/2008 2:13:26 >
AQ DF  Post #: 37
10/25/2008 1:57:33   
demolitiondragon
Constructively Friendly!


 Excessum
quote:

Strike when you please,
losing that one person,
the soulmate, of which,
brings me to my knees.

This paragraph(?) confused me. It sounds (to me) like you're talking about how the lost person's soulmate brings you to your knees.

They Say You Can't
Nice. Touching. =]
Post #: 38
10/26/2008 0:57:36   
SL
Member
 

 Tried to fix Excessum. Let me know what you think of that "paragraph", now that I have revised it. Thanks for all the comments and critcism by the way, guys. It means more than you know.

Future
AQ DF  Post #: 39
10/26/2008 18:38:06   
SL
Member
 

 Wisdom

New one up.
AQ DF  Post #: 40
10/26/2008 18:44:47   
Albino Slug
Member
 

 I like the philosophy behind it.
Good work.
Post #: 41
10/27/2008 20:56:09   
SL
Member
 

 Credit

Something new, peeps.
AQ DF  Post #: 42
11/1/2008 13:34:58   
SL
Member
 

 Bridges

Tell me what theme comes across to you.
AQ DF  Post #: 43
11/4/2008 6:00:20   
demolitiondragon
Constructively Friendly!


 Excessum
quote:

losing her brings me to my knees.

Think comma should be removed. Other than that, great. =]

Future
...
...
O_O
Brilliant. I think this is the best so far.

Bridges
Tell you what theme comes across... PUUUUUUUN! =P
quote:

in the ever-so-changing

I /think/ that should be joined with hyphens, but I'm not 100% sure.
As for theme... dreams vs. reality?

Credit
quote:

but the fact that you killed 'em.

Need a space between killed and 'em.
quote:

You confuse me.


Stranger
quote:

Good luck, stranger.

I think you need that comma in there. Other than that, this was a good one.
Post #: 44
11/11/2008 11:58:57   
SL
Member
 

 Edited those, demolition. ^^

I'm Devoted

Finally got a new one.
AQ DF  Post #: 45
11/11/2008 21:24:25   
demolitiondragon
Constructively Friendly!


 I'm Devoted
quote:

Baby, I know its true.

Because it's a name substitute.
quote:

but feel the aura around, Baby,

Likewise for other instances.
quote:

with endless amounts of gasoline.

XD Now /that's/ original!
Post #: 46
11/16/2008 21:59:14   
SL
Member
 

 Typical

Something new up ... sorry for the inactivity. I will do my best to make that happen less. ^___^
AQ DF  Post #: 47
11/17/2008 19:42:15   
SL
Member
 

 Imagine

This is one of my longer ones, but one of my favorite ones I have written. Bear with me. x____x;
AQ DF  Post #: 48
11/18/2008 21:38:25   
SL
Member
 

 Different

Enjoy, peeps. >_>
AQ DF  Post #: 49
11/21/2008 21:32:25   
SL
Member
 

 Scars Of A Destiny

This is one of my favorites that I have written. Hope you enjoy it.



< Message edited by SL -- 11/21/2008 21:34:00 >
AQ DF  Post #: 50
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