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10/13/2008 12:18:01   
Mo
Member

This is my only short story I can remember to date, I made it months ago and have been holding out for a reason, I'm sure that this story was made before I became a AA. Here is the link:
http://forums2.battleon.com/f/tm.asp?m=14901795&mpage=1&key=�

All comments are welcome
AQ MQ  Post #: 1
10/13/2008 18:35:21   
Sentharn
Member

Not bad, not bad. You said you wrote this before you were approved?

There's a few minor errors; a verb tense here, some grammar here. There are some areas that could use a little more filling in to make the story less of a guessing game. Overall it's not bad, though!
Like I said on #legendsandlore, you could probably expand this into a good, solid short story if you worked at it.

Do you have trouble writing good short stories too? I often start with a clean plan in mind, but then the story grows out of control. I only managed to keep one story short, and it's fairly long.
Post #: 2
10/13/2008 19:10:07   
Mo
Member

Eh, I'm not sure. A certain someone (Cheddar) told me to make a short story about a person turning into a Lich using the thing at the end, so that's how I made this long thing, and it's in a world with dragon ;)
AQ MQ  Post #: 3
10/13/2008 21:45:29   
Sentharn
Member

I personally think that this world could be expanded into a long story, or even a series of stories. After all, it's not every day that you see dragons in New York City. How did they get there? Are they from another planet? Another dimension? Did they come through a portal? Did they just appear? Maybe they came out of volcanoes.

And what exactly is an Ectomancer? How did they come about? Are there more like him?

It would be rather cool to see a short story that builds upon some of these questions. (I'm not expecting you to answer those questions above, in fact, I'd rather have you write a story about them!) :P
Post #: 4
10/17/2008 22:53:29   
Mo
Member

Silly, it's not New York, it Yew Nork. This takes place in the universe of the game that I made the short story for, though, I have yet to remember what an Ectomancer is tbh.
AQ MQ  Post #: 5
10/17/2008 23:59:45   
Cheddar
Member

Just one thing I forgot to mention on Yahoo IM, you should sort of try to clarify that he was kidnapped. I thought originally that he was just knocked out and woke up in pain from some sort of terrorist attack [wouldn't that be ironic? In New York, the World Trade Centers were attacked and in Yew Nork, the Statue of Liberation gets attacked =P].

Anyway, Sentharn, this story is Mo's first installation into a series of not only books, but games, comics, etc. called Hearts Project. Your questions and more will be answered when the game, Hearts Project: Ballad of the First Era is released [btw, I am the head of Biohazardous, the team that is creating Hearts Project].

Edit: Although, to answer your Dragons question, the Dragons originated neither on Earth, nor Hearts. Btw, Mo. I forgot to mention, in any of your later stories, instead of Hearts, refer to the planet as The Planet [as that is the AOO's name for it before it is declared The Planet Hearts].

~The Dreamer

< Message edited by Cheddar -- 10/18/2008 0:05:33 >
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 6
10/19/2008 14:20:11   
time losh
Member

Yew Nork sounds like the name of an undercover spy xD

Likin' it so far though. Keep us informed of updates, m'kay?
AQ  Post #: 7
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