Maegwyn
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Sentharn Phoenix, private journal transcript.
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The Winter season always has held something magical for me. Perhaps it's the trees laid bare, awaiting the coming of the Spring season. Perhaps it is the snow, its peaceful blanket of white that buries little towns like Frostvale under its spell of peace? Perhaps it is the little children running around, yelling "I'M A WAAAARIOR!" and doing their best to paste each other with snowballs?
Then again, perhaps not.
As I write this, I must remember to move often, for it appears that sitting targets seem to magically attract ill-aimed snowballs. It is a most fascinating phenomenon--I must remember to make a study of it!--but for now I simply must move rapidly, trading grace for speed.*
Where was I? Ah, yes, Winter! What is it about the season that is so endearing to me? The peacefulness? Being forced to dodge snowballs whenever one ventures outdoors may be aerobically healthy, but does not fit under my definition of "peaceful". So if not the peace, what is it?
Perhaps it is the anticipation of the children? I myself remember being a young boy, eagerly awaiting the time to open the mysterious boxes that spawned at random intervals on the street corners (I simply must discover the cause of these Mysterious Spawning Items!). Ah, those were the days...the days of innocence...the days of simplicity...the days of stealing pies from the bakery and blaming it on my little siblings...the days of chucking snowballs at unsuspecting strangers...
Oh my Goddess...Karma must be getting its revenge on me!
Another endearing aspect of Winter is the pure joy of the Christmas season! The joviality that fairly radiates from the people I pass in the snow-covered streets is contagious, just like yawns and sneezes. Everywhere I go, I can feel the joviality. I see people dancing in the streets, I see children pretending that they're 'Dblgerodwarf the Dark Knight', running after each other with sticks.** I hear people singing jolly songs at the top of their lungs (It's not what I'd quite call "musical", but of course I am far too gentlemanly to tell anyone otherwise).
But by far the most heartwarming aspect of Christmas is the camaraderie between friends and family. Rarely do I see the evidence of the bonds that lie between individual members of the household, but during the Christmas season they are stronger than ever. Family members stop their quarreling, friends grow closer. The very spirit of Christmas is in the air--the spirit of joy, of happiness, of love. For what greater present can one receive but unconditional love and care?
For Christmas is not just about getting, or even about giving; it's about joining in the love and joy of the Christmas spirit.
Of course, the Christmas dinners make everything better--how scrumptious! I also think that--Hey, you kids! Stop throwing snowballs at me, I--Oww! That one had a rock in it! Stop it, I say, stop!--OW! Okay, okay, I'm leaving!
What immature children!
For your reference, I have included an excerpt from my book, "How to Dodge Snowballs"*. Here are some steps you should take.
1. First, if a snowball is coming towards you, duck.***
1a. If a snowball is coming at you fast, duck rapidly.
2. After you have successfully avoided the first airborne missile, continue evasive maneuvers in a zig-zag pattern. You might look like a fool, but you probably won't get hit.
3. When you have put sufficient distance between you and your snowball-armed attacker (two to four miles should be sufficient), then you are faced with one of two options:
A) Run away
B) Perform a retaliatory strike.
Option A needs no explanation, and is most often the safest. Option B consists of running back at the person while simultaneously gathering snow in your hands, all while shouting, "BANZAAAAII!!" at the top of your lungs. Of course, you are likely to get hit a few times, but you should survive long enough to chuck your own snowballs right back at the person.
Now, this is all well and fine, assuming you have a decent collection of snowballs. But what if you do not have enough ammunition to perform a sustained snowball assault? What if you run out of snowballs mid-assault?
The answer to the first is easy enough: craft more snowballs! The answer to the second is harder. Here are the steps suggested:
1. Panic
2. Duck behind the nearest available cover that has a good supply of snow (this includes hiding behind trashcans, trees, oversized turkies or moglins, NPCs, and giant ice-dragons) and collect as much snow as possible into snowballs.
3. Run out and attack.
Using these steps, you're sure to at least get close to hitting your opponent!
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Footnotes
* For more information about evading snowballs, see my book "How to Dodge Snowballs," the book that won the Most Likely To Be Used As Firewood award five years in a row!
** Lacking any other weapons, sticks can be quite useful. You can use them to slash and poke, or you can throw them really hard and hope the enemy chases after it.
*** This is a very useful skill to have in ice-bound areas. The official credit of this discovery goes to a Sir Arthur Ironbottom, who often slipped and fell on his posterior. He once slipped a mere instant before a snowball would have impacted with his forehead, and as a result the snowball harmlessly flew past him. His discovery standardized the process of ducking when a snowball is coming in your direction.
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