Eukara Vox
Legendary AdventureGuide!
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Editor's Note
As many of you know (specifically my fans over in Zorbak's Hideout), I don't always hold a very high opinion of my fellow AE Team members. It's not that I dislike them, or feel offended by their anti-Zorbak bias, or can't understand why they won't accept my superiority or... Meh. Ok, I lied. It IS those things... We all know the truth: I'm the franchise around here, and they're all jealous. People don't play this game to see see what SMBdoll is up to, or go into battle with their Maegwyn otter guest, or spend time doing the quests in Eukara's Hideout. No, the players are looking for ZORBAK. They demand more Zorbak! They lie in bed at night cuddling their Zorbak plushies and gazing out at the stars, quietly wishing for more Zorbak. Starting with this issue of the E-Zine, I have decided to answer those wishes.
The Revolution, as they say, has finally arrived.
The first change you have probably already noticed: There is no "Ask Zorbak" column in this issue. "But Zorbak..." you may ask, likely with tears in your eyes. "How is removing my favorite column, where you dispense your wisdom and knowledge to your obviously unworthy fans, going to provide me with the additional Zorbak I demand?" Well, that's easy. By sacrificing "Ask Zorbak" for this one issue, I have been able to finally assume my rightful place as Head E-Zine Editor and Primary E-Zine Author. I think you will be pleasantly suprised, especially if you know what's good for you. And as for certain critics who dared to suggest that my last column was sub-par and I was just phoning it in... well, maybe they were right. Maybe I did need to try harder. And maybe, just maybe, it wouldn't displease me if Sjra and Wizard Moglin met with unfortunate *cough*accidents*cough* while walking home one night in the near future...
Ok, wait for it... wait for it...
Did you hear that? No?
EXACTLY! That's the second major change: Those annoying editors who used to try to stop me from making veiled threats against my critics and exploiting the fanbase for my own personal gain are gone! No longer will my words of wisdom be interrupted by the needless meddling of that cadre of jealous harpies who just can't stand the fact that I'm more popular then the three of them combined. But I bear no ill will towards Maegwyn, Eukara, and SMBdoll. In fact, I sincerely hope the door didn't hit them too hard when I slammed it in their faces. And I'm sure that if they wish to re-apply for their jobs, I'll be happy to welcome them back... as soon as the blazing Sun cools into a cold, frozen ball of ice and exterminates life as we know it.
Anyway, this is now the first issue of the Zorbakian. I sincerely hope you enjoy it! And by "hope" I mean "demand"... and by "enjoy it" I mean "realize that Zorbak is better then you, and that you need to dedicate your puny lives to serving him in his New World Order." For those of you who don't... well, feel free to post all your feedback in the E-Zine forum. I'll be sure to make note of your names and objections... I'm having the Wall installed tomorrow; you can be one of the first up against it.
And once again, for the rest of you: Welcome to the Zorbakian!
Meh heh heh heh heh!
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