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Issue 43 - The Mystery of Potions (Sentharn)

 
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6/4/2009 15:08:29   
Eukara Vox
Legendary AdventureGuide!


The Mystery of the Potions
by Sentharn Phoenix


In my travels, I have come across many strange questions. Most recently, I was asked, "Why are healing potions red, instead of, say, green? And, hand-in-hand, why are mana potions blue?"

Indeed, I was so fascinated by these questions that I immediately enlisted the help of my dear friend Sir Rupart-George-Halfphoney-Deerhead-Thomason-Swampnose-Hammilton III (A dear fellow scientist and ninth-year winner of the Annual Most Ridiculous Left-Handed Shadow Puppets award), and together we researched this fascinating phenomenon.

At first, we met with little success. For centuries*, this red-versus-blues phenomenon has been accepted without question. I could find no records of any sort in which any research was performed. So, with no prior findings on which to base our research, we began experimenting**. In the interests of our gentle readers, we have reduced the following to as simple terms as possible:

Our experiments involved the variable amplitude of the wavelength of photons which were absorbed and/or reflected by the various atomic compounds within the potions. Using adjustable chroma-hue wavelength filters, we adapted the pseudo-natural wavelength emitters to the proper amplitude and focused the resulting beam onto a clear crystalline decanter containing the subject matter in liquid form.

The result of this extremely simple experiment was clear: The healing potions were red because they absorbed all shorter frequence of light, while the mana potions were blue because they reflected longer wavelengths.

Unfortunately, we still could not seem to figure out just why the potions reacted in this manner. It was Sir Rupart-George-Halfphoney-Deerhead-Thomason-Swampnose-Hammilton III who found the answer.

Simply put, the health potions have a tendency to reflect low-frequency chroma-hue variable photons because the enchantment (Alas, we could not unravel the mystery of the healing powers of the potions at this time) require a very small wavelength-adaption matrix in order for the enchantment to work.*** For a similar reason, mana potions are blue, although the theory that mana potions are blue because it's cool to have mana and blue is generally equated with cool is also accepted.

If you have any questions, please do not hesitate to send a letter via dragon-mail!

----
Footnotes:

* "Centuries" here being defined as "Ever since the first RPG was invented" or "Ever since Zelda became popular."

** In the interests of the readers who may be weak of heart, the experiments are not explained in detail. They involved ingestion of extremely vividly colored liquids, temporary transformations into various magical creatures (Including dragons and kelpies), instances of Extreme Lampshade Dancing, and other such obnoxious behavior which I, of course, never took part in.

*** An extremely crude way of putting this would be "Health potions are red because the magic likes red."
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 1
6/5/2009 11:00:49   
Cow Face
One Heck of a Guy


I completely understood every word in this entire article. Really. Srs. Rlysrs. An intriguing study done; so, does this mean that potions have some sort of sentience, if they "like" being a certain color?
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 2
6/5/2009 13:56:47   
xehanort
Member

quote:

If you have any questions, please do not hesitate to send a letter via dragon-mail!


I wasn't aware dragons were delivering mail now.
Why am i never informed of these things?
AQ DF  Post #: 3
6/18/2009 9:17:21   
Deathwalker
Member

So, to make a health potion i need Chromaspectrum Light Beams and Natural Psuedo Hue Variables?

Edit: This was supposed to be funny to the people who knew you were making things up, right? Well, not really making it up, just putting existing words into sentences that describe something completely different.

< Message edited by Jzo_punk_rapp -- 6/18/2009 9:23:08 >
DF AQW  Post #: 4
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