Eukara Vox
Legendary AdventureGuide!
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Bugs and Diners
By Cow Face, at The Knife and Spork
It's a warm summer day, and you're walking barefoot in your yard, enjoying the heat and the feel of the grass. As you walk, however, you feel something slimy and cold smear across your foot. Looking down, you realize that you have just stepped upon and squashed a bug, which now inhabits the sole of your foot. Eww!
We deal with ordinary bugs every day. Some scientists estimate that there are between six and ten million species of bugs on Terra, so it makes sense that we'd see quite a few. Many of them do not directly affect us, so we tend not to pay these much mind. Some can be irritating, such as gnats and fire ants.* Others are quite beneficial, such as those which pollinate flowers. Sadly, the same cannot be said for the giant variety.
While often portrayed as a cause of misery,** bugs are typically not considered agents of destruction, at least not on a large scale. (Of course, farmers may view aphids and weevils as such, and the Irish surely recall potato bugs.) Some, such as wasps, do display aggressive tendencies. Most, however, tend to shy away from humans. So what causes the aggression of their larger Lorian cousins?
The Zardian has, prior to now, featured articles concerning the improbability of normal insects reaching such enormous proportions (see "The Physics of Bugs," by Aelthai, Issue 28). As such, it may be assumed that only through technology or magic could these behemoths exist.*** It has been widely noted that when an organism is grown to massive proportions via unnatural methods, it tends to grow far more aggressive and destructive. True, this is by and large noted only in fantasy, but given the nature of Lore, I think that it is a safe generalization. I hereby propose a theory as to why this so often is the case.
Most insects have a set goal every day: eat, reproduce, sleep (though in some cases, eating happens constantly- like termites). Because they are small, most eat a very small amount of food, but in proportion to their size, this is an enormous quantity. Now that they're suddenly so much larger, I assume that they would need to eat the same proportion of food, which now means an enormous amount. Furthermore, many bugs are quite aggressive toward other creatures which are approximately their size. For instance, ants will rip an invading ant limb from limb. Given that most giant bugs are, in AdventureQuest, DragonFable and AQ Worlds, about the size of a person, and in MechQuest about the size of a mech, they might view us as invaders, and attempt to deal with us appropriately.
These abominations, if indeed twisted by magic and technology, have no place in the world. They were not meant to be, and they cannot thrive in an environment such as ours. Perhaps the only humane course of action is to exterminate those which do exist. This is especially true in some cases, such as the repeated invasion of the planet Alamonia by these monstrous insects.
I recently had the good fortune to sit down with Maegwyn, owner of the popular Soluna City restaurant, "The Knife and Spork." In addition to her role in hosting the Diner Challenge, she has assisted in both Bug Wars on Alamonia. She was gracious enough to allow me to speak with her in her library.
CF: Hello, and thank you for this interview!
M: Hi!
CF: As you might know, on Terra, it is the month for books and dessert. I notice that you have a good deal of reading material here; what is your favorite genre to read?
M: I've always dreamed of owning a diner, despite my successful acting career, and so I'd have to count cookbooks as a favorite genre.
CF: That makes sense. Is there any author in particular whose recipes you enjoy most?
M: I do love reading Julia Child! Although her recipes are a bit complicated for diner fare.
CF: That's true, and you should do what you want- after all, "it's your kitchen." I'm sure that our readers would like to see a selection of your literature. Do you mind if I have a look around?
M: Oh, you absolutely may!
Here, I took a brief trip around the restaurant. There were several books on the tables, probably for her enjoyment during slow days or after-hours. Many dealt with cooking, a good deal of which involved seafood. However, there was a wide variety of different books, including one whose title struck me in particular.
CF: Now here's a unique title: "Castle of the Otter" by Gene Wolf. Would you mind explaining what the subject is?
M: To explain the subject, I'll have to tell you how the book got its name. Gene Wolfe was writing his series The Book of the New Sun. In a magazine article, a reporter stated that Gene Wolfe was working on the fourth volume - and he got the title wrong. The actual title - is Citadel of the Autarch! Autarch ... Otter ... if you say the words aloud you'll see how the mistake happened. So "The Castle of the Otter" is actually about writing, and about the Book of the New Sun, including a list of fascinating words used in the series. They're all actual English words, nothing made-up. And if you'll look inside, you'll see that my copy is signed by the author! (The author and his wife had their picture taken with Zorbak at DragonCon, too.) And of course you know I'd be interested in anything with Otter in the title! Even though the book isn't actually about otters.
CF: Wow, a signed copy; very neat! Anything else you'd like to share?
M: Well, as you can see, my reading tastes range widely. This one, The Gremlins by Roald Dahl, is fiction. It was his very first children's book. It's a fun book about how Gremlins 'put the wrench in the works' to break machinery. While Roald Dahl may not have invented the name or the idea, it's a fascinating part of Gremlin historical lore.
Here is the link to the book if you'd like to read it online: http://www.roalddahlfans.com/books/gremtext.php
CF: Thank you very much; that sounds interesting. As a restaurant owner, and since the other celebration this month is one of dessert, could you please share with us your favorite dessert?
M: I don't eat it often, but I have fond memories of my mother's mincemeat pie. (Nope, there's no meat in it.) Be careful eating this one on Christmas Day though - from what I hear, Oliver Cromwell made it illegal to do so, and you could be arrested for it. (But risking arrest for a worthy cause, as long as it's not hurting anyone - that's in my nature. See Bug Fire War 2 on Westion for details ... )
CF: Sounds delicious! I think anyone would be interested in the recipe for that; would you mind sharing it?
M: This is not my mother's recipe (hers took weeks to prepare, with the mince mixture 'marinating') - but this pie is delicious and quick!
INGREDIENTS
One unbaked pie crust, preferably the flat type, with enough dough for a bottom and a top. (You can make your own pie crust but this is the quick-quick version!)
4 apples, diced
1/4 cup raisins
1/4 cup golden raisins
1/3 cup apple juice
1 orange, juiced, and also the peel (grated, orange-colored part only)
3/4 cup brown sugar
1/4 teaspoon cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon ground cloves
1/2 teaspoon allspice
1. Preheat oven to 400F. Place all ingredients (except pie crust) in a saucepan and simmer over medium heat, for 10-15 minutes, stirring occasionally, until apples begin to soften.
2. Pour filling into (un-baked) pie crust. Use second piece of dough to cut into strips 1/2” wide. Weave strips over top of pie to make a lattice crust. (Can also cut out decorative shapes from the dough instead, and then set them around the top of the pie.)
3. Bake for 40 minutes. If crust starts to turn a very dark brown, set aluminum foil on top (do not seal edges, but simply place it atop the pie).
CF: Okay! Thank you very much for your time and recipe. Good-bye for now, and good luck with your cooking and bug-killing.
__________
* This is true on Lore, as well.
** Especially for coders.
*** Those crazy Mages and Technomancers...
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