Eukara Vox
Legendary AdventureGuide!
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Bit of a Myx-up
by Rimblade
Who can take a rainbow? Wrap it with a sigh? Produce mutating chocolate fit to make a moglin cry?
- 'Please Don't Host This Year's Party Again, Myx', popular Moglin holiday song.
What's everyone's favorite time of year? That's right, Mogloween!* Mogloween is the most joyous of occasions, a night of masks and candy, of Trick-or-More Tricks and of titanic monsters which contain within them the raw power to crush kings and shatter empires and widows and orphans are reduced to tears in the shadow of colossal talons.
Even better, it's the time to see everyone's favorite festive pot, Myx!**
Recently, The Zardian managed to arrange an interview with the elusive holiday personality. It seemed certain that the interview would take place in the Cauldron Sister's home, but to presume is to be mistaken! As it turns out, Myx holds the controlling interest in over 80% of LORE's industry, across the entire length of Time itself. Instead, The Zardian conducted the interview in Myx's lavishly appointed penthouse suite at the top of the Guardian Tower.
While our reporter waited upon Myx's pleasure in his full study, they were impressed by his scholarly library of particularly reputable and rare volumes, as well as the massive collection of dark artifacts he maintains for purposes unknown. These interesting furnishings quickly set the tone for the rest of the interview.
Zardian "So, Mr. Myx, tell us about your library."
Myx "Certainly! The library is where I keep my books!"
Zardian "Yes, it certainly IS that."
Myx "Yep."
Zardian "And would you be willing to tell us about these books?"
Myx "Oh! Certainly, let's see. Well, my favorite is Moglins, a History."
Zardian "Fascinating. What about that book do you like?"
Myx "Well, sir, it has opened my eyes... Opened them to the bloody history of Moglinkind."
Zardian "What?"
Myx "Yes! Why, in Moglins- Inventors of Torment Dr. Ahwaz Stirredalot elaborates on the long years in which those monsters would do harm to my kind. Tales, my good man, of abject torment. Pots being filled to the brim with water, and kettles stuffed with fish! They would roast my kind over great fires, singing their cheery killing tune!
Zardian "UH, yes, so how about those other books?"
Myx "Ah, well. Obviously, there are my tomes of economics."
Zardian "Quite! We've noticed that you seem to have done very well for yourself, Mr. Myx! Tell us, do you make most of your money on Mogloween when you provide candy for children?"
Myx "Oh, elements no. Most of my money is dividends from Frostval."
Zardian "...Frostval?"
Myx "Obviously! Up north, you see, is a colony of moglins, all of whom work for me. Year-round I employ them in back-breaking labor, punishing them with tides of monsters whenever they do not keep to quota. At Frostval, happy young adventurers purchase those goods, and I pocket the profits!"
Zardian "Sir, we can hardly help but notice that you have some sort of terrible grudge against Moglinkind."
Myx "Well, you'd have thought that was obvious from the way I tried to turn them all into monsters and terrorize the world."
Zardian "But that was... it was Zorbak!"
Myx "Right, silly me! I would never do something like manipulate a Moglin into using my powers to destroy his race, then take the blame in the eyes of the law! Ha ha! So, what's the next question?"
Zardian "Do you, uh, have any books which aren't about Moglins?"
Myx "Well, I have a lovely set of recipe books!"
Zardian "Ah! Such as?"
Myx "Well, there's Cooking With Moglins which, ah-ha, sounds like it means you're cooking alongside a Moglin, but actually-"
Zardian "Andwhatisyourfavoritedessert!?"
Myx "That's simple!"
So ended the Zardian's interview with the illustrious Myx. While the Zardian attempted to contact Cysero for opinions on the horrifying single-minded nature of the enchanted cauldron that was once his, he declined an interview, citing something about his socks.***
____________________
*Disagreement is futile.
**Statements here do not reflect those of The Zardian. The Zardian views all talking cook-pots with
equal esteem.
***The reporter eventually fled the Zardian offices in sheer terror, appalled by the madness he had found lurking in the eyes of that witch's brew. Sources say he eventually fled to the more forested regions of the Elves to seek therapy and apologize to them. Tune in next time for the end of the world.
Something from Rimblade's Place:
Nut Rolls
Dough:
1 lb. margarine
1 lb. cream cheese
5-1/2 cups flour
granulated sugar
Filling:
1lb walnuts
1/2 cup sugar
milk to moisten
*Cream margarine and cream cheese. Add flour to form dough.
*Chill at least 15 minutes.
*Roll dough in sugar to about 1/8", cut in squares.
*Place filling in center and fold dough over.
*Place on ungreased cookie sheet with seam on bottom. Close ends with fork.
*Bake 15-20 minutes at 350.
Makes about 8 dozen.
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