Eukara Vox
Legendary AdventureGuide!
|
The Incredible Edible Undead
by The Legendary Hero
A cool wind blew along the path, scattering several of the red and gold leaves that lay scattered along the ground, chilling me a bit as I walked along. Pulling my cloak closer, I looked up and could see my goal a bit further down the path. The death's head shape of the Necropolis' entrance stood before me, gaping open as if set in a perpetual laugh. I picked up my pace and thought back to how I ended up on this chilly, and somewhat gloomy, path.
I was chowing down on a wonderfully cooked ChickenCow burger in Sir Loin's tavern when I overheard Sir Vivor and Sir Vey discussing a very interesting topic.
"I heard that the Necropolis is finally empty of all them Nerco's," Sir Vey remarked, taking a long draw from his moglinberry smoothie.
"Yeah," Sir Vivor replied. "Some hero cleared them out... but I've heard that someone else is in there... someone usin' some weird looking cookbook and making all these weird food things. I even saw one when I went to go look! It was walking around outside the entrance. I know it sounds crazy, but it looked just like a floating undead baked chicken! It even squawked at me as I ran off!"
Hearing this I quickly finished off my burger and ran home to get prepared. I just had to have that cookbook, whether it was the fabled Omnomnicron or not. Putting on my Pocket Cloak* and picking up my claymore, I set off.
Smiling at the thought of the giant undead chicken, I reached the Necropolis. I looked around for said beast and was disappointed when I saw nothing even remotely poultry related. Shrugging to myself and vowing to find it later, I walked inside the skull shaped entrance and descended the stairs. Once I reached the bottom of the stairs I quickly dashed behind the nearest building and peeked out. I had expected the place to still have a few necromancers and the like even after Noxus' defeat, but the place was strangely silent.
I looked both ways, slowly walked out, and seeing it as somewhat safe,** began to explore. I came across a very interesting building labeled, "Evocation" and peaked inside the windows. I noticed immediately that it looked like it was filled with dust, blinked in astonishment for a moment, wiped off the dirty window a bit, and peered inside again. Through the grimy porthole I could see a strange rune covered circle, but little else. "Well that's a spirit breaker," I quipped, chuckling to myself as I turned around.
Meeting my gaze was one of the weirdest sights I had ever seen. A few yards away, slowly plodding along, was what appeared to be a few animated horse shaped pinatas and a giant undead taco. I just stared at the taco for a moment, totally ignoring everything else, and wondered what it tasted like. I guess I made to much noise because they all turned at once and we faced off in what I can only describe as some strange staring contest. My hand twitched a bit towards my sword, they took a step forwards, a partially decomposed arm flopped by on the wind. We waited like that for several minutes until off to the side a bell rang out. I can only assume it was an old signal to change classes, but right now it was a signal for us each to charge each other. Screaming like a berserker, I took off, and so did they. We met at the middle and stopped short. They stared at my weapon and I stared hungrily at the taco.
"AHHHHH!" I let out a scream and tackled the chicken-filled undead. It let out a scream of its own and stared at me with giant barbecue sauce eyes as the pinatas whinnied loudly and scattered. Several minutes later I licked my fingers clean and proceeded to look around for an undead milk shake. Not seeing any, and figuring my little stunt scared most of them off, I continued on.
Turning a corner I came face to face with a small girl in a pink dress with yellow flowers. She looked up and smiled at me. "Hi there!" She said cheerfully.
"Umm...hi?" I replied. "What are you doing down here? It's dangerous."
"Hehe, your silly. It's not dangerous." She replied, "I'm Sally, whatcha doin' down here?"
"Hi...Sally," I said. "I'm looking for a book actually. Umm, what are YOU doing down here."
"I'm playing!" Smiling up at me she pointed behind her. "You should look over that way, there's bunches of old books over there in those buildings." She waved and skipped off, leaving me standing there wondering why a crazy little girl was down here. I chalked it up to just another odd occurrence and moved on.
Taking the little girl's advice, I headed off and came across several more buildings along my way. I found one filled with what looked to be rabid animated stuffed horses. I avoided this one completely... I didn't need Fuzzbies again.*** I ran across another that contained all manners of strange potions and filled one of my coat pockets with them all. "Hey... I can't let... toad stool softener?... go to waste..." I quickly tossed the bottle onto the floor where it shattered, a vile smelling blue liquid slowly spreading over a small patch of the floor. "Yeah I CAN let that go to waste." I said to no one in particular.
I finally ended up outside a building that looked to be a nice place to continue my search for the book. I opened the doors and entered, ignoring the faintly glowing green light that seemed to pulse from the windows.
Instantly, I noticed that the temperature had dropped several degrees. I shivered and looked around to see if I could find the thermostat. I didn't find the temperature controls, but I did discover several rooms filled with interesting creations. I found one filled with undead milkshakes, and remembering earlier, headed in and dragged out a vanilla one.
As I walked along, my milkshake finished and slowly hopping back towards its room, I began to notice all the other creatures looking out at me. Undead blueberry and cherry pies, a few floating purple popsicles, a room of giant undead frozen pizzas (I marked this room for my trip out), and, oddly sitting all alone, was a lone ravioli that slowly floated around its little area. I walked over and it just looked up at me, looked back down to the floor and continued floating along. I decided it was best to leave him alone.
At the end of the hall I found a shut door, behind it lay a steep set of stairs leading down deeper into the building. Descending the stairs, I instantly saw my prize at the end of the room.
There, floating in a eerie column of bluish light was a black book. It had strange markings on it and slowly rotated over its pedestal. I rubbed my hands together and silently made my way towards the column. Tripping over a bucket that had been left in the way,**** I found myself confronted with the guardian of the book. I had originally taken it for a lump of snow that had formed in this chilly area, but I realized I was wrong. Horribly, horribly wrong.
Standing at what appeared to be 12 feet tall, an undead made entirely of ice cream, looking none to happy about being awoken from its nap, glared down at me. I looked up at it, looked at the book behind it, and looked up at it again. "If you don't mind, I'm just here for the book. If you let me have it I'll be on my way and you can go back to sleeping."
Looking down at me with a not-so-amused look on its face, the giant beast raised an arm and brought it crashing down towards me.
"Well THAT'S a no," I said, dodging and drawing my sword. I cut off its arm when it tried to smash me again, the heavy vanilla flavored appendage hit the ground and the beast looked at the spot where its arm had been moments before. Slowly it formed a new arm and then turned back towards me, looking angrier then before.
"...this isn't going to end well... nope not at all." I ducked and dove, dodged and dipped, trying anything I could to get past the giant but it seemed intent on paying me back for the wake up call. Why did there have to be a bucket there! Finally, after a few minutes of dipping and dodging I saw my opening. I dove, grabbed the book, turned, and fled as fast as my legs would carry me. I heard the beast roar out behind me as the door shut quickly behind me.
I sighed with relief as I exited the building. Looking at my prize, I slowly took in the name. "The Omnomnicron - A text of food and undeath." Giddy with happiness at finally being able to make some of the undead I had seen, I looked up and noticed something I would never have expected to see. The small girl from before stood in front of me, the group of frightened pinatas clustered behind her.
"Hi there again!" she said. "Looks like you found that musty old book after all."
I nodded, "Oh, yeah... I really needed a new cookbook."
She turned around and beckoned me to follow her to the Necropolis' entrance. As we walked she explained that this was her "Doll house," and she had made all the undead food I had seen inside the building as friends for when it got cold. I looked at her in disbelief.
"You made all of them... for friends."
"Of course, who doesn't love friends?" she replied.
I walked along dumbfounded for several minutes before I looked down at her once more. "So your not mad I'm taking your book, and I can just have it? Just like that? No candy corn beast, or chocolate sauce monster, or even an undead banana?"
"Sure! I never used it and I thought it looked ugly," she said. "You also didn't have to hurt my friends, I would have just given it to you."
"You would have?" I replied, the dumbstruck feeling returning. "Then why have the big ice cream guy guarding it?"
"Oh, Jim? He can't stand the heat so I had to put him somewhere cold." She smiled up at me. "I made such a big friend that time."
"Yes you did," I replied as we reached the exit. I started up the stairs and turned back. Sally was waving to me.
"One last thing Sally. You said you would have given me the book? Why didn't you tell me about Jim when I asked you about it earlier?"
"Because silly," she giggled, "you never asked."
____________________________________________
* Hitchhikers know the value of a towel, but true adventures know the value of a good pocket cloak. Enchanted with holding magic it'll hold just about anything you could possibly find while adventuring. The great thing is it's available at hundreds of Yul-Mart's Lore wide! Remember... shop smart, shop Yul-Mart!
**You know... as safe as a haunted school of the arcane which had hundreds of evil students that made all kinds of diabolic and nasty creations can be.
*** A really nasty disease. You start coughing up stuffing... and it's not the kind that goes good with turkey. I had it once and my pillow is now stuffed full of what I coughed up. After I washed it, of course. Quite comfy and not at all expensive.
**** Seriously. Why do people always leave buckets lying around where other can trip over them? That's just bad housekeeping.
|
Printable Version
Icon Legend
New Messages
No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages
Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages
Locked w/o New Messages
Post New Thread
