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RE: Comments and Criticism: Poetry--Compressed Meaning

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11/14/2010 22:12:35   
Shreder
Member

Another one:

Questions
DF MQ  Post #: 126
11/15/2010 22:34:51   
Shreder
Member

Yet another, though I can't call this one new:

What Fools Are Men

I can't call this one new because it was written a couple months ago. I only just now rediscovered it, patched it up and decided to post it...
DF MQ  Post #: 127
11/18/2010 21:48:10   
Shreder
Member

And another new poem:

I Wish I Could Write Narrative

A fun little poem I wrote as a counterpoint to I Wish I Could Write Poetry
DF MQ  Post #: 128
12/4/2010 17:07:47   
Clyde
Legendary Artist!


 I Wish I Could Write a Narrative - Umm, I found it funny. I don't know if that was what you were going for, but I laughed.

What Fools Are Men - This is way too true. You nailed how the typical man poetically and in so few words. XD Very nice, I have no issues with it.

Keep up the good work Shreder. :)
Post #: 129
12/5/2010 0:33:52   
Shreder
Member

Thanks!

Anyways, I Wish I Could Write Narrative is indeed supposed to be funny, although unlike I Wish I Could Write Poetry it is actually true. :P
DF MQ  Post #: 130
1/12/2011 2:10:08   
Shreder
Member

After a period of writer's block, here is a new poem:

Soul-searching
DF MQ  Post #: 131
1/21/2011 0:19:56   
Shreder
Member

And another:

Progress
DF MQ  Post #: 132
1/21/2011 0:42:19   
Mordred
Member

Been a while since I visited. On the latest, there's one problem: you're missing the "to" after "listen." However, there's a conflict in adding that. I haven't studied the poem closely, but it looks like a sonnet. If this is the case, I assume that you would gladly forsake grammar for the correct poetic form.
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 133
1/21/2011 1:36:38   
Shreder
Member

No, that was just an error. There was a "to" in that line when it was in my head, but it was lost in the transfer to writing, apparently. :P
DF MQ  Post #: 134
2/11/2011 11:52:21   
Shreder
Member

After some time, I have a new poem up:

Ode to "The Raven"
DF MQ  Post #: 135
2/15/2011 0:49:57   
Shreder
Member

And on the heel of that particularly gloomy piece, a more cheerful counterpoint:

Shadowed Draperies

As always, some comments would be greatly appreciated...
DF MQ  Post #: 136
2/15/2011 16:47:27   
Sunstruck
Member

Hi, I'm Sunstruck, Starstruck and Moonstruck's little sister. That's a lot of poems! I could never in my lifetime take the time to write even five poems.


Sunstruck
DF  Post #: 137
2/15/2011 18:16:53   
G.I.G.A.
Member

Ode to "The Raven": This was a very good poem, yet it felt to me like the last line just interrupted the entire flow of the piece up to that point.
DF MQ AQW  Post #: 138
2/15/2011 20:23:24   
Shreder
Member

Sunstruck: Haha, I've been this for about 2 1/2 years now, so it makes sense I've accumulated a fair bit of poetry...

G.I.G.A.: That was somewhat intentional. I wanted the last line to strike a discordant note because I was using it to confirm the fact that he was seriously contemplating suicide, something that was hinted at earlier with the "tempt me to the rope" (hanging himself) line. If you make sure to pause slightly before reading the last line, and then again after "rather" (Which is why I had the comma there...) I think it flows fine.
DF MQ  Post #: 139
3/20/2011 23:07:18   
Shreder
Member

After a fair while of no poetry, I wrote something new today:

Lament

I didn't really have a plan for this one, I just started writing and this is what happened...
DF MQ  Post #: 140
3/29/2011 18:26:52   
Anon Y. Mous
Creative!


 i've just come by to show you a bit of respec', as the kids call it, for using the words "yester-year" and "desiccated" in a poem
props, homeboy
DF  Post #: 141
3/29/2011 20:31:54   
Shreder
Member

That must be one of the stranger comments I've received, but thanks!
DF MQ  Post #: 142
5/23/2011 21:48:03   
Shreder
Member

I've been quite busy these lately, with school and other things, and much of time writing has been devoted to songs, so I haven't had time to write much poetry. Here, however, is something I just wrote as a spur-of-the-moment piece.

Bereft
DF MQ  Post #: 143
6/19/2011 9:29:46   
Shreder
Member

Yes, I'm still alive. Here's a new poem to prove it:

Knowledge

Enjoy, and hopefully (Maybe? Please? :P) comment.
DF MQ  Post #: 144
8/4/2011 9:46:40   
Shreder
Member

Here are the words to a song I wrote:

Simple Gift of Love

This song is dedicated to all the orphans in China, especially those with whom my parents work, and also to all the volunteers who give their time and love to try to make the children's' lives better.
DF MQ  Post #: 145
10/13/2011 10:23:05   
Shreder
Member

New poem:

An Angel Weeps

A very spur-of-the-moment little poem. Hope you enjoy/comment/actually read it.

:P
DF MQ  Post #: 146
11/17/2011 2:47:06   
Shreder
Member

Another new poem:

The Wind Does Not Forget
DF MQ  Post #: 147
11/23/2011 1:54:17   
Shreder
Member

Yet another:

Sing Softly a Tune of Alabaster Light

My second try at the villanelle form, any thoughts?
DF MQ  Post #: 148
11/24/2011 17:33:54   
Anon Y. Mous
Creative!


 wow, i really like the rhythm of "Sing Softly..."- you really made it work

only one little thing:

quote:

Sing of the heavenly art, that in its spite
Makes all our efforts seem a worthless waste
Amidst the empty recesses of night

it may hurt the rhythm a bit, but I think that if you're going for perfect grammar, there should be commas around "in its spite" instead of after "art"

but again, the flow is great!
DF  Post #: 149
11/25/2011 23:01:04   
Shreder
Member

Hm...You may be right, but I think that throws the rhythm off just a little too much, so I think I'll leave it as is.

Thanks for taking to the time to stop by!
DF MQ  Post #: 150
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