Eukara Vox
Legendary AdventureGuide!
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Conspiracy Corner: Frostval
By Cow Face, at an undisclosed location in Frostvale
I may not have long to write this. I'm on my last candle, and it's already dripping wax onto the paper. Besides this, I don't want to burn any more oxygen than I have to. This box is large, but is it large enough? Air holes simply wouldn't do; they'd be expecting that. If nothing else, I suppose I can always punch my way out. But that would have to be a last resort. I'm rambling. You need an explanation.
I have undertaken my most dangerous mission ever. Leaving the comfort of my home, I set out north, all the way to the frozen wastelands* of Frostvale. This "charming" city of Moglins is well-known for its shops and ice monsters. All about, those little tricksters smile at you, shaking one hand and taking your money with the other. Tourism is a huge business around here. As is evil.
What more honest display of love is there than buying stuff for people you like? None, according to the advertisements I read. We have begun to associate gifts with appreciation- if you want someone to marry you, you buy him, her or it a nice ring. To celebrate not having died in the past year, we buy people presents. And on Frostval, or any of its Terran equivalents, we buy people presents for a multitude of reasons. However, you typically only give them to people you like, at least to some degree. For example, I give my family and friends gifts, then strategically donate to the editors.** While you might not give particularly nice gifts to people you're only acquaintances with, it's rare for someone to give a gift to someone that you don't like. A gag gift, perhaps, but that doesn't quite qualify. So, we don't expect a gift to have any negative feelings associated with it.*** This is where the MOGLNs' ingenious plot comes into play.
At around this time each year, strange beings come to Battleon, to attempt, as always, to conquer it. While it never works, it can be a source of irritation- and money- to the amazingly large hero population of the town. But why would anyone want to spread destruction and misery during this season of goodwill and cheer (and fudge)? Surely no rational, thinking being would want to. By the coordinated attacks, which luckily are never quite a siege, we can tell that these creatures certainly have a good deal of intelligence. Something must be driving them on. Is mind-control that far-fetched? Yes, but we shall ignore that for the time being.
Presents are packed in mass amounts and sent from Frostvale each Frostval. (Remember: the town is Frostvale, the holiday is Frostval.) These are then shipped all over Lore, many appearing in the Guardian Tower of Battleon. Until they open sometime later, you see various heroes wearing these boxes, fighting in them. Their bodies - and more importantly, their heads - are contained within. Indeed, they even develop new fighting techniques, Gift-Box Fu, which disappear as soon as they remove them. Does this not, then, indicate that the boxes have at least some control over their minds? If something can penetrate and warp so precious a commodity, who are we to say that it cannot be exploited to a more dangerous degree? This is my theory for what has happened with the odd creatures which we see each year. Unsuspecting, they open the boxes and look inside. Something must be in them, that hypnotizes and controls them. This is the conclusion that I have reached, and explains where I am right now.
By this time, the candle has already burned out, and I have set my hair on fire so that I may see.**** I would not have gone to such extremes, but I must get my message out. You are all in grave danger. I have infiltrated the packaging section of Frostvale, and entered the packages here. Strange equipment, like none which I, nor anyone else, has ever seen, is in here. I wish I could make it out, but I cannot... Do not; I repeat, do not open these boxes under any circumstances. Who knows what could be inside? Besides me, that is.
Ugh, it's getting hot in here. I think I'd best put out this fire. And open this box... I don't think anyone's in the room right now.
The article was here stopped, and was found in the packaging plant of Frostvale. In other news, various Frostvale Moglins have reported a "haunted present," which rattles and wails constantly. What could be the secret to this strange happening? The Zardian will stay on top of this situation.
__________
* They're sort of wastelands...
** By the fact that you're reading this sentence, it's worked so far.
*** Except in the case of fruitcake. Dratted fruitcake.
**** Ow.
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