Eukara Vox
Legendary AdventureGuide!
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What Do I Do With It?
by Rimblade
So, you want to steal Frostval.
This plan is virtually the hallmark of the winter season. When the Guardians convene within their lofty tower and pose dramatically about their war table, the first topic of discussion is always the defense of Frostval. They don't have any reports telling them that the holiday season is soon to come under attack; they just know.
To date, no attempts to snatch Frostval away have been successful*. All things considered, this may be for the best.
In reality, how many of those has-been villains had any vision beyond 'take Frostval away from others'? It is surprisingly rare for any modern villains to give much thought to the spoils of their conquest. Well, evildoers, today is your lucky day! The Zardian has gotten into the spirit of the holiday season by providing you with suggestions for how to turn your conquest of Frostval into even greater triumph.
1. Use Frostval as a Weapon - The combined weight of the many billions of Frostval gifts given, combined with any powerful aerial platform creates a devastating potential weapon. The 'Impromptu Frostval Bomb' is sure to become a hit in any major city it is deployed over, not only because it will crush the fortifications and defenders with its ponderous girth, but also because you will very quickly win the support of the mischievous children who live in the cities. Calling you 'Sandy' and armed with Moglin-built, Frostval-themed weaponry, you will soon conquer the entire nation.
2. Sell to the Highest Bidders - Frostval is not often stolen; usually, year after year, it is split up and consumed by the masses, making it an extremely rare commodity. The best way to do this is to arrange a private auction with the richest buyers you can locate, but an open-air bidding war could also work! The important thing is the lost, disappointed looks on the faces of the children.
3. Use Frostval to Gain Power - This one is complex, but can be accomplished in one of two ways. the Frostval gifts stolen will allow you to form a mystic connection to every child on Lore. It is easy to draw forth their innate mana and cast the most potent spells on Lore with ease! For those less thaumaturgically inclined, you can also use the festive cheer stolen from a depressed world to power an energy cannon, or a giant robot. Perhaps a giant robot wielding an energy cannon!
4. Donate it to Charity - This may seem like a terrible plan, but think of it this way; charitable donations are tax-deductable! By donating all of Frostval, your taxes will become negative, and Battleon will be forced to pay you vast sums of money! With a bit of luck, this will bankrupt the entire world, thereby ruining Frostval next year too.
5. Copyright Frostval - You stole Frostval, so you're the rightful owner... or at least, you should be. A quick trip to Damien's office** will solve that problem, and leave you high and dry. Once Frostval is your sole legal posession, you're in place to sue to smithereens any foolish ice Moglins or parents who try to repeat the holiday! Either you'll eliminate Frostval forever or you'll quickly become unbelievably wealthy; and either outcome is certainly superior to just hiding all the boxes in a vault somewhere.
When stealing Frostval, it is certainly vital that you know what you're going to do once you have it, but there is one last thing to remember before you begin your snowy shenanigans. Frostval, you see, can't be found in a store.
Frostval comes without ribbons. It comes without wraps. It comes without wreaths, or boxes***, or bags.
So bring a net.
______________
*Discounting that sad incident where the villain simply wasn't up to snuff, and gave Frostval back out of guilt.
**A quick trip to Damien's office solves any problem, unless that problem happens to be 'I have too many people charging me money'.
***Disregard this part if you happen to live in a Sneevil community.
< Message edited by Eukara Vox -- 12/20/2009 20:33:37 >
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