Eukara Vox
Legendary AdventureGuide!
|
Ask Zorbak: The E-Zine Edition
So it's December. Which means Frostval. Again. Oh joy...
You know, I hate Frostval. I'm fairly sure I've mentioned that before, but since no one around here ever seems to listen to Zorbak, I feel compelled to say it again... and for the benefit of the average E-Zine reader, I'll say it slowly:
I. Hate. Frostval.
In fact, now that I think about it, hate is not a strong enough word. I detest Frostval. I despise Frostval. I loathe Frostval with the fiery hot passion of a million exploding suns... and with very good reason. You see, it's not the happiness (which sickens me) or the gift-giving (no one buys ZORBAK anything) or the festive holiday songs (I don't CARE about your Grandmother; she probably DESERVED to get run over by that Reindragon). No, what really and truly annoys me about Frostval is the fact that they start trying to ram it down my throat earlier and earlier every year. I mean, I swear it was just Mogloween yesterday... and yet barely have the pumpkins been smashed and the last candy been consumed then some idiot in a red fur poof-ball hat starts telling me to have a Merry Frostval. All I ask is to spend this miserable season at home, in front of a roaring fire, while I plot out my next ebil scheme. But I can't even get THAT much peace and quiet... they come to my door, disturb me with their horrible caterwauling, and then have the unmitigated gall to demand cookies and cocoa in return. Do I LOOK like someone who spends his precious time baking cookies?
I'm not a greedy Moglin (well, actually I am... but that's neither here nor there for the purposes of this rant): All I ask for is a little peace and quiet and not having this idiot holiday rammed down my throat each and every year. That's the REAL reason I try to steal Frostval: If I steal it, it will go away. And then I'll have my much deserved peace and quiet.
(And if stealing the Holiday doesn't work, at least I'll get a lot of cool presents out of the deal... Meh heh heh!)
Now, on with your questions...
__________________________
Scipio asks: Have you ever thought of changing your colour to a more ebil colour, like green?
I am already a majestic shade of royal blue; Why would I ever want to be a sickly shade of green? However, if for some odd reason you seem to think I would look better green, I can always suggest messing with the color settings on your monitor. I'm sure the results won't hurt your eyes TOO badly...
Pizzaman2000 asks: Why are you so cool?
Because many of you are so uncool that the Universe needed someone as cool as me to balance out the cosmic scales.
1qpal asks: Oh great and almighty Zorbak, what would happen if you didn't have power of Necromancy at your side?
I would probably be a babbling idiot like Twilly, devoting my life to providing free medical care to ungrateful adventurers such as yourself.
Bryan asks: Do you have any brothers?
Unfortunately, yes.
Michiel asks: Did you enjoy the Mogbuster Quests (Twig was pretty much tortured there)?
I fully advocate the torturing of Twig... and pretty much everyone else I dislike as well. Alas, the game designers keep nixing my suggestions for "Iron Maiden" and "Tar and Feather" armours, or my proposed mini-game where you make Twig taller using only a team of horses and a couple lengths of rope...
Scorpio2105 asks: Have you ever shown a lighter side to yourself and what was the reason?
The only way I would ever show a lighter side would be if I lost 5 pounds.
Cam Kahn asks: Who can help find the way to the ethereal realm?
I can help you with that, but you probably wouldn't like my methods... Meh heh heh!
Ytdss asks: Do you have any advice on how to get a hot woman?
Have you tried lighting her on fire?
Dolphinboy17 asks: Have you ever considered becoming a Dragon Slayer or a Dracomancer?
Sure, in much the same way that a four year old considers becoming a Cowboy or an Astronaut. And then I grew up...
Stormhawk asks: What do necromancers do for fun besides turning people undead?
There are other ways to have fun?
Tabmax asks: Zorbak, how much does Artix pay you?
Not nearly as much as I deserve. The likeness rights on those Zorbak plushies alone should have funded my retirement....
Rr5 asks: Who do you think is cooler Mario or Luigi?
Bowser.
Haipo4000 asks: Zorbak the mightiest necromancer on Lore, why is Twig so fat?
Perhaps it has something to do with his entirely fish and ice cream diet, or the fact that he'd rather teleport then walk 50 feet...
Ra Al Ghul asks: Why Don't you join forces with Sepulchure and Gravelyn if you did you could rule the world of Lore?
Because I don't like to share, and I refuse to work with amateurs.
Warper546 asks: What is your favorite game Dragonfable????? Adventurequest?????? Warpforce???? Mechquest???????
AdventureQuest has the highest Zorbak content of the four, which obviously makes it the best. However, my favorite game still remains Moglin Punter... because the only thing better then More Zorbak is Punting Twilly.
Mrs. Mousegirl asks: Zorbak, what is your favorite TV show?
It used to be "Bones" until I found out it wasn't about the Undead.
Alexander asks: Just how were you kicked out of the Necropolis, anyway?
I wasn't kicked out; I chose to leave of my own free will because I had advanced far beyond anything those imbeciles could ever dream of teaching me. Anything else you may have heard is merely lies! Lies and slander!
Purple Tiger 7 asks: How did you become such a powerful necromancer?
It's in my nature... I was born that way!
Naruto3045 asks: Have you ever gave Twilly a wedgie?
Of course not. I could NEVER give Twilly a wedgie. Not because I like him, mind you... but because he obviously doesn't wear pants.
Shiraz2 asks: Do necromancers ever take a bath?
Of course. Just because I'm an ebil moglin bent on world domination who enjoys re-animating the dead doesn't mean I don't appreciate proper personal hygiene.
Josh asks: Can you make an insanely powerful enemy for Mechquest and why did you make an army of turkeys?
Because every turkey dies... but not every turkey truly lives.
Joncow asks: Does Robina like brave blond powerful mages?
Robina prefers her men big, dumb, and gullible. It's much easier to trick them into doing her evil bidding that way.
Doom asks: Why did Sepulchure have to die?
It's called "natural selection." The weak fall to the wayside, while the strong (such as myself) survive and prosper.
And finally, Happet67e959 asks: Have you ever gone bowling with Twilly?
I've tried, but it didn't work out very well. His oblong head is much more suited to football then bowling...
_____________________________
That's it for another edition of Ask Zorbak: The only online column in the world where the most ebil Moglin Necromancer who ever lived takes time out of his day to answer your questions. If you have a question for a future issue, feel free to send it to Zorbak@Battleon.com or use the contact link located on the EbilGames site at http://www.ebilgames.com . And remember: Letters to Santa may get you what you want, but letters to Zorbak end up in my monthly column.
Until next time.... *sigh* Have a Happy Frostval everyone!
(They made me say that)
|
Printable Version
Icon Legend
New Messages
No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages
Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages
Locked w/o New Messages
Post New Thread
