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RE: ~Poetry~ Mistermafio's poetry - thread II - NEW: Purple Snowflakes

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8/4/2011 9:27:58   
Shreder
Member

Beyond the correction already made, I have little to add. It is short, but sweet, and I'm sure you've realized form reading my poetry that I feel that is one of the best things about poetry, how so much meaning can be compressed into so few words. Well done.
DF MQ  Post #: 26
10/21/2011 7:14:55   
Mistermafio
Member

It's been a while, but inspiration struck me again... Fancy that.

Brave fools

I also fixed the error in that earlier poem, albeit a little late. ;)
AQ  Post #: 27
11/6/2011 20:01:27   
Clyde
Legendary Artist!


 Mistermafio! Another ricecake and L&L oldie!

How've you been?

I thoroughly enjoyed your latest poem. Short, sweet, and right to the point. The message in it is clear and strong one, why be so willing to lose your life for someone/something else without a good reason?

My favorite part is this:
quote:

The brave man does not realize
that while there's glory in death and in despair.
Even if they hold is feast to herald your martyrdom,
you could not be there.


Keep up the good work, you crazy old fool! <3 :P
Post #: 28
11/7/2011 14:11:18   
Mistermafio
Member

Clyde, it's been a while indeed. I remember when you still had an E. That does say a lot about my age, doesn't it? :P

I've been well, very well. Keeping up my writing, though mostly in my native Dutch. I have also been working on some prose, as I'm sure you've noticed. Found right about here.

I'm very glad you enjoyed the poem, as am I glad the message of it came across well. I've switched to writing much more focused when writing in English, and the shortness of the poem is a direct side-effect of that... Or so I tell myself XD

I must agree with your choice for favorite part, though I did notice a little error in it I seem to have made. I've cleared that up right away.

Thanks a heap for the encouragement, I will have to look up your work again too. I seem to remember you being very good indeed, and I doubt time has changed that. <3 ^>^
AQ  Post #: 29
11/28/2011 17:31:28   
Mistermafio
Member

Dump

2

3 - love

< Message edited by Mistermafio -- 11/28/2011 18:11:00 >
AQ  Post #: 30
11/29/2011 7:53:03   
Shreder
Member

All three are pretty good, but I think "Love" stands out in particular. Just one thing:

quote:

Where the mere suggestion of her not loving you
can make you feel like crying,
or dying,
but at the very least to just stop trying.


Is it just me, or is that fourth line really awkward grammatically? Wouldn't it be better as something like "Or at the very least just stop trying."?
DF MQ  Post #: 31
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