Hallie Slidepath
Robot Unicorn Overlord
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The Legend of the Cardooradin
”I've got a fistful of love and a blade made of faith
I'm gonna use it to free all the souls of the wraiths”
~John Quarles, War Cry of the Paladin
Drowan had a dream. He grew up next to a huge mansion in which the finest and most skilled Paladins of the World of Lore were trained. Spending many days and nights on the roof of his small house he’d look over the massive spike-covered walls and dream about being one of the students. However, becoming a Paladin was a very secret art, and whenever the trainees on the other side of the wall would catch him looking at them they’d throw various items at him, such as random parts of undeads that were lying around on the ground since no one bothered cleaning it up. This didn’t stop Drowan at all though, all it resulted in was that he became very good at dodging.
Drowan’s dream would never come true though, and he was very aware of that. He grew up in a poor family, and he hadn’t had a proper education nor any chance to make enough gold to be able to become a student of one of the Masters he admired. As he moved out of home he had started to make a living by making sock-puppets, this resulted in that he never seemed to have any socks at home to wear, but at least he made enough gold to be able to stay in the small house next to the Paladin Academy.
It was a dark and stormy night when it happened. The weather was all too violent for Drowan to bring himself to climb to the roof. ‘Besides’, he thought, ‘the students of the school are all snobs and will probably refuse training outside in these conditions anyway’.
He was sitting at his dinner-table, having different pieces of fabric lying spread out on the table, as well as buttons in all the colors on the rainbow. He was working on a new puppet for someone that hadn’t signed their request but just left a “FOR SCIENCE” at the end the letter. Just having one eye, in form of a button, left to stitch on to the puppet he whimpered as he accidentally jammed the needle straight through the sock and into his finger. He dropped the soon-to-be-puppet at once, but it was already too late, the orange-y fabric had already a big stain of blood on it.
He stood up and walked the two steps necessary to reach the other side of the room, starting rummaging through his bookcase (in which he kept about anything but books) to see if he could find any bandage for his finger. He got interrupted as someone knocked on the door, and surprised he went to open it. Who could be crazy enough to go outside in this weather, especially to see him, he couldn’t imagine.
When he opened the door he was surprised to see a very beautiful woman standing on his doorstep. She had long dark-green hair which was hanging in wet wisps around her pale face. Her eyes were of a piercing purple color, and she was wearing a long dress in the color of a midnight sky. On her shoulders a black cape was resting, and it seemed as if it had protected her from the worst of the storm. Around her neck she had a thing silver chain in which a gleaming red crystal was hanging; the glimmering red blaze that erupted from it somehow seemed as a warning to Drowan, a warning he couldn’t entirely understand.
As soon as the woman had noticed him and that the door was open she looked up at him and smiled gratefully, and then her eyes widened and the smile turned into a twisted grin. The next second she jumped straight at him, knocking him off balance and pinning him to the floor. She looked down at him, her green hair framing her face and covering it with shadows in a way that made her look even more twisted.
“AHAHAHA mortal!” She let out a wicked laugh and narrowed her face closer to his. “You will regret the day you decided to be kind towards a poor girl trapped in a storm!”
Swinging her head backwards in an attempt to get the hair out of her way she then smiled at him, this time her smile bared two sharp teeth; the trade-mark of all vampires. “Actually, you won’t be able to regret anything. You will be dead.” Her smile got even wider, and she laughed again.
The next second a pair of hands got into view; they quickly put a silver-chain around the vampire’s neck, dragging her away from her victim. “Always one for the theatrical, aren’t you, Natasha?” A dark male voice grumbled. Drowan’s savior then dragged the female vampire that apparently was named Natasha outside and proceeded to tie her to one of the trees outside of the house.
“Now behave”, he muttered to her angrily and then he walked back inside again, slamming the door shut behind him.
The man that had saved Drowan was wearing a worn out armor, full of scratches and buckles. He had a dark gray cloak which had a big hood that covered most of his face and from beneath the hood light gray hair was flowing out across his shoulder plates as twirling and curly as the vines of a vinca-minor.
“Are you alright?” The man asked, but before Drowan could answer they both heard a screeching sound from outside, and the man turned and ripped the door open, pulling out his sword and waving it at the vampire-lady. “I told you to behave!” He yelled at her.
She turned to him and her expression instantly turned sweet and sad, as a puppy begging for food at the dinner-table. “But honey…” She started, but the man interrupted her instantly.
“Honey me this and honey me that, just be quiet and behave, okay? If you do well I might let you inside eventually.” The man then slammed the door shut and turned to Drowan. The young man sat frozen on the floor staring at him in surprise and confusion (and a mix of about twelve other feelings that he had managed to produce since the moment of the attack until then).
“Are you alright?” The man asked again.
“Uh, yeah, I’m… fine…” Drowan stuttered while he stared at the man.
“I’m sorry about this, she don’t attack humans often anymore. I shouldn’t have let her out of my sight.” The man apologized, and his whole postured showed that he was both tired and ashamed of what had just happened. “This isn’t the best way of meeting new people, I can imagine, but… my name is Nathan Applebloom, it’s nice to meet you.”
Drowan nodded a few times before getting up to his feet and shaking hands with Nathan. “My name is Drowan. I’m not fan of last names, so let’s pretend I don’t have one.” He looked around in the one messy room that made up his entire house, and then he looked back to Nathan. “The weather is terrible, do you want some tea?”
Nathan smiled gratefully. “Thank you, that sounds nice.”
***
Carefully placing his cup on a clear spot on the table that wasn’t entirely covered with fabric and buttons and various other sewing items Drowan stared at Nathan, studying his armor further. It wasn’t shiny and it wasn’t covered with ornamental patterns, but it was one of the most beautiful armors he had ever seen. It was like a witness to all the fights that Nathan had been victorious in. “So, uhm, you know that vampire lady?” He asked, feeling kind of awkward about the silence.
Nathan laughed a little, but it was a sad laugh, and he looked down at his glove-covered hands while he spoke. “Yes, I know her very well. She’s my wife.”
Drowan stared at him in shock and couldn’t bring himself to ask anything more. Nathan noticed this and kept on talking as if to save the situation from getting too awkward. “I used to be an apprentice at the Paladin Academy. I was in my last year of training, and I was sent to this village to save them from a vampire that had been hunting them. Natasha showed up and helped me on my quest, and the more time we spent investigating together the more I… fell for her. Little did I know that this was part of her plan, and little did I know that I’d end up discovering that she, my love, was the monster I had been sent there to kill.”
Nathan sighed and sipped a little more of his tea before continuing. “I couldn’t do it, I just couldn’t. I ended up capturing her and bringing her back to the academy, and they expelled me immediately. They told me I’d never work as a Paladin again.”
“Woah, man, you studied in there?” Drowan exclaimed. “That’s so awesome! I’ve always dreamed about doing that, to become a Paladin… but I don’t have the money, so that dream is out of reach.” He sighed, and then realized that he should be polite as well and not let his fan-boy side steal the moment completely. “I’m sorry to hear that. What do you do now?”
“I’m a Palabin”, Nathan answered with a proud smile.
“Pala... bin?” Drowan stared at him. “Bin, as in… where you throw your garbage?”
Nathan laughed. “Yeah, kind of. You see, the thing about being a Paladin isn’t the shiny armor; the armor is not what makes you a Knight of Good. It’s who you are, where your heart is aligned. Only a person who is good at heart can be a good Paladin.” Nathan obviously spoke with passion now. “I didn’t need a fancy armor, so I stole my neighbors’ bins and made my armor out of them. I then brought Natasha with me, because I couldn’t let her roam free because of my disability to kill her, and ever since I’ve been wandering Lore and fighting off Evil.”
Drowan stared at the older man in wonder. “Do you think that you could teach me?” He said, and felt that if he got any more hyped he would probably start drooling, so he kept his mouth closed. “I just want to become a Paladin; I don’t care what I have to wear until I’m epic enough to get a better armor!” He then exclaimed, as he wasn’t strong enough to make himself shut up.
Nathan was quiet for a while, looking as if he was deep in thought. When he finally looked up at Drowan with his piercing blue eyes it was obvious that he had made up his mind. “I’ll train you”, he said with a determined look on his face. “We’ll start tomorrow morning.”
***
“Have you ever heard of The Cars?”
They were walking through the forest; it was so early in the morning that the sun had barely risen, which lowered the risk on running into angry flowers or other minor disturbances. The bigger the risk was to meet a few undeads, but this didn’t seem like a problem to Drowan anymore when he had Nathan accompanying him.
He now looked at Nathan, clueless of what the Palabin was talking about. “Nope, never heard of them”, he answered, feeling a little ashamed about lacking the knowledge.
“They’re a people that came to Lore hundreds of years ago. They’re very peaceful and anti-social and tend to stay far away from humans, and other monsters. They keep to themselves, but they always treat visitors very nice. I’ve been allowed to stay with them several times when I haven’t had anywhere to live, they’re not afraid of Natasha since she doesn’t like their blood.” Nathan stopped short for a second and giggled slightly before continuing. “Either way; make sure not to underestimate them. They might appear to be small, white balls floating around in the air, but they possess a very strong magic and could turn you into dust with a single blink of their eyes if they wished to.”
Drowan stared at him. “Remind me; why are we going to visit a group of creatures that can send us to the underworld just by blinking?”
“You need an armor; The Cars make wonderful doors out of this very strong and light metal. I don’t know the name of it; I do know that it would make a perfect armor for you. They usually sleep most of the day and wake up in the afternoon; I’m going to show you where they live, and then you’re going to collect doors.” Nathan answered cheerfully. “Besides, it will be a nice test for you, if you manage getting enough doors without waking them up you’re definitely worthy of becoming a Paladin.”
Drowan sighed. “I guess you’re right.” Suddenly thoughtful he glanced at Nathan’s armor. “Hey, why do you call yourself a Palabin and not a Paladin?”
“I’m proud of being my own master. I made my armor by myself, and I became a Knight of Good even though they told me I wouldn’t be able to. I’m proud of my background and how much I accomplished on my own, by taking that name I feel that I’m honoring my struggle as well as presenting myself in a good manner.” Nathan once again looked very proud of himself, and Drowan realized that this man probably had gone through a lot of hardships that he didn’t know of nor could possibly imagine.
“Here we are!” Nathan then exclaimed and stopped short, reaching out and grabbing a hold of Drowan’s arm to stop him in time. “The village is just up ahead in that glade. Are you ready?” And before Drowan had the chance to answer the Palabin pushed him forward through the shrubberies ahead and sent him stumbling straight into the middle of the Car Village.
***
Drowan had already gathered over twenty doors in all the colors of the rainbow and the afternoon was drawing near. He had soon realized that he would have to work out more; Nathan had said the doors were light, something he definitely didn’t agree with. He had to drag each one of them out of the glade to the shrubbery from where Nathan kept watch.
Sneaking up to his twenty-fifth house he hunched down behind the abnormally large yellow flowers while studying how this door was attached. The door was made out of a shiny, sparkling silvery metal, and he at once decided that this door would become his shoulder plates. Standing up he leaned in towards the door and quickly started to un-attach the door, and just as the attachments started to loosen up one of the abnormally big flowers found this to be a great time to punch him as hard as possible in the back.
Drowan shrieked in a very high-pitched voice of surprise, and then he screamed again and he lost grip of the door. The door slammed down on the ground with a sound as loud as a small country exploding… or at least that’s how Drowan imagined the sound since he was panicking with fear.
Picking the door up from the ground he ran as fast as he could through the narrow alleys between the Car houses screaming, “I’M GONNA DIE, I’M GONNA DIE, I’M GONNA DIE”, until he reached the shrubbery.
Once he reached the shrubbery he was relieved to see that Nathan had seen what happened and started to pick the doors up. As he reached the Palabin he quickly got another ten doors handed to him, and then they ran side by side away from the Car Village, the doors scrambling in their arms like a group of knights running a marathon.
***
“Okay, so we’re going to need scissors, a few hammers, glue and lots of string.” Nathan stated when looking out on all the plates on the table. They had spent most of the night and the following day shaping the stolen doors so that they would fit Drowan perfectly. It hadn’t been easy since Drowan didn’t have many tools at all; after ruining five forks and seven spoons in a desperate attempt to use them for bending the doors Nathan had given up and asked Natasha for help. It hadn’t been easy to convince her, but after he had promised her blood in return she had instantly agreed to help.
The Car’s were obviously very skilled with metal and it was beyond Drowan’s imagination to figure out how they had created and shaped their doors in the first place, but no matter how hard and strong the metal was it had no chance against Natasha’s supernatural strength. She bent the plates with the same ease that Drowan would fold a paper, and while he was really grateful for this he it also worried him; were he ever to have to fight a vampire it seemed as if his armor wouldn’t stand much of a chance. When he pointed this out to Nathan the man just laughed and explained to him that he’d have to wander around for a while searching for mages that could enchant his armor for him.
“Glue?” Drowan asked and stared at the older man. “We’re gonna put the plates together with glue?”
Nathan laughed again, and Drowan got the feeling that he was a joke trapped in a man’s body. “We’ll put it together with glue at first; once the glue is dry it keeps the pieces from falling apart as we bolt the plates together with proper nails. We’ll then use this acid that you extract from Seed Spitters to get rid of the glue, and then you’ll have a perfect, professional-looking armor.” Nathan looked very proud and content as he explained the process, and then he picked up the bucket of glue he had produced earlier. While Natasha had been working on the plates he had gone out in the forest to collect sap which he then used as a base when making the glue.
“Where is my blood?” Natasha demanded from the back of the room once again. She was sitting in the only corner of the house where the sun couldn’t reach her, and ever since she had finished shaping the doors to armor plates she had asked for her reward every fifth minute or so. This was obviously getting on Nathan’s nerves, because every time she spoke Drowan could see how he’d twitch more and more. “I want my blood, where is it? I’m thirsty.” Natasha continued, almost singing the words in a soft voice. She knew very well how much she was annoying her husband, and she was obviously enjoying every minute of it.
“I’ll give you the stupid blood; shut that pretty mouth of you already!” Nathan roared and turned towards her. Natasha didn’t react to his outburst one bit except for smiling happily and uttering a “yay!” of delight as he walked towards her.
“Drowan, start working on the armor, I’ll be with you in a second.” Nathan grumbled and Drowan at once turned the other way trying to shut out the sound that reminded him of all things bad.
***
He still hadn’t figured the walking-technique out entirely yet, but for each step he took he felt that he got more and more used to it. The armor wasn’t very heavy at all, but it still felt very peculiar to wear. He was traveling by himself this time; Nathan had told him that it was time for him to try to survive on his own. After several of weeks of studies Drowan felt quite secure; Nathan was a great teacher and his experiences with battling the undead obviously went beyond the average Paladin.
He had been traveling through this forest for a while now, and he had really enjoyed it this far; he had never seen anything of the kind before. The whole place was almost vibrating with magic, and each and every single leaf and rock seemed to be shining with its own energy. He felt like he was disturbing something as his plates smashed together causing loud sounds with each step he took. Because of this he wasn’t surprised at all when the robed character appeared in his path, staring at him with a suspicious expression.
“Who are you and what business do you have here?” The character asked and reached up with one hand to hold the white hair away from his eyes.
“My name is Drowan, I’m looking for Warlic”, Drowan answered, not really sure what he was supposed to do in this situation.
“Then you have found him”, Warlic said, with a slight smile. “I have to say, that armor you have doesn’t look like anything I’ve seen before. What kind of warrior are you?”
“I’m a Cardooradin”, Drowan said proudly. “And this is a low-budget armor for warriors of Good who won’t let their bad economy stop them from fighting their cause. I’ve always wanted to become a Paladin, and now I am. However, I need a skilled mage to cast some spells on my armor, so that it protects me better.”
Warlic laughed when hearing this explanation, and then he made a gesture with his hand. “It’s not the armor that makes a Paladin, it’s his heart. And you have a Good heart young one, you definitely do. Come up to my tent, and I’ll see what I can do.”
Drowan smiled happily. “Oh thank you, thank you so much! I never thought you’d say yes!” He exclaimed as he ran to catch up with Warlic.
And as he walked next to the Blue Mage he realized that nothing in life is impossible; any dream can come true if you steal enough doors.
< Message edited by Hallie Slidepath -- 11/28/2010 15:06:41 >
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