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Mritha's Collection of Written...Stuff

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11/10/2010 20:04:29   
Mritha
Legendary AdventureGuide!


 Here is where you can comment on my stories and poems. I'd love to hear your feed back, all comments and criticism are welcome! Right now I have two stories, A DragonLord's Loss and The Legacy of a Hero.

A DragonLord's loss was inspired by a thread in the DFGD, discussing if you had your own NPC, what would be his/her story? This is the story of Mritha, and how she came to be the Black DragonLord and shows the ultimate love between a father and his child.

The Legacy of a Hero was originally just fulfilling my desire to go deeper into the storyline of DragonFable, and into the thoughts and emotions of the Hero. However it has evolved into something far more complex and AU. Though for the most part it will still follow the main DF storyline, I have many many completely AU chapters planned. The Legacy of a Hero also features the characters of many forumites, their characters fill in the role of the "other heroes" that are so often mentioned in the game, but are never given a face or name. If you would like your character to appear feel free to send me a pm :)

Function over Fashion, again set in Dragonfable, explains why Mritha the NPC and Mritha from my L&L look so differently.

< Message edited by Mritha -- 11/13/2013 15:21:29 >
DF MQ AQW  Post #: 1
12/26/2010 17:02:53   
UltimaKomoto
Member

I must say, you've got me interested in this story. Pretty good work.

I did notice a few potential typos and other things, but I'll get to them another time.
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 2
12/26/2010 20:06:59   
Glais
Member

I haven't read it all, it seems kinda good though.
Main thing I have problem with is that everyone's reaction to..what, 11 deaths I think? Was so...ridiculous.
Her friend is actually HAPPY that he died because it saved her from a spanking and the school kids cheered over their deaths.
Just seems out there to me, he IS just a bully after all...

The writing itself's good though, can't wait to finish it.
DF MQ  Post #: 3
1/3/2011 21:08:14   
Mritha
Legendary AdventureGuide!


 Thank you both so much!

@glaisaurus, I have actually considered tweeking that part, the deaths are nessesary for later growth in her personality, but kids killing kids did seem kind of.... off. I have some ideas for changing that but have not gotten around to implementing them. I will be doing that soon I hope.

EDIT: Ok, I fixed the part about the bullies, hopefully it isn't as bad now. Also added a new chapter.

< Message edited by Mritha -- 1/3/2011 21:54:51 >
DF MQ AQW  Post #: 4
1/4/2011 17:34:35   
guthixnite
Member

i..love it Mritha!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you captured my character PERFECTLY(after i told you what to put...lol)i haven't read more than part two yet, as i unfortunately don't have enough time. i could get you some more criticism if you allow me to take this in to my language arts teacher.
AQ DF MQ AQW  Post #: 5
1/4/2011 17:43:17   
Razen
Member

I had found a little error, but I already told Mritha. My character was listed as Zairos Alderi(He is one of my characters), when the specific character for this was Admakir. But, it was only the name that was incorrect, the rest was spot on.

_____________________________

[link=http://forums2.battleon.com/f/tm.asp?m=20512286][/link]
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 6
1/4/2011 17:56:07   
Mritha
Legendary AdventureGuide!


 Wow you guys are fast! I haven't even sent out the email yet! Thank you so much, this really means a lot!
DF MQ AQW  Post #: 7
1/4/2011 17:57:18   
guthixnite
Member

@mritha: i just got on so...yea. but i REALLY love it! i cant wait till next chapter comes out!
AQ DF MQ AQW  Post #: 8
1/4/2011 18:40:59   
Razen
Member

Well, I might read it all over time, but as it stands. I am re-writing my Book of Razen, the Shadowmaster. As, my original was very small, and gave not much of a description. So, I will the prologue, part I, part II, part III, part IV, part V, part VI, part VII, part VIII, part IX, part X, part XI, part XII, part XIII, and part XIV. These are in reference to my suggestion saga, part 1 is the arrival of Seradan...

I will redo my L&L too a system. I will have books of each character explaining their play into history within Vereriaz. These will be the books of Vereriaz.
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 9
1/7/2011 1:39:30   
G.I.G.A.
Member

I haven't read much of it yet, but from what I've seen, it's pretty good. Definitely the best I've read so far on here, although i haven't read many fanfics, so that's not saying much.
DF MQ AQW  Post #: 10
1/7/2011 15:58:49   
Trapper King
Member

Read the most recent section-nice work! The story is coming along well. Really enjoying it.

Will be interesting to see how what Seppy's part in the story is. Also- loved the massive tidal wave wiping out undeads . The water elementals were a nice touch. Awaiting with interest for the next part. (Wish I could write stories as good as you but alas -not a creative bone in my body ). .
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 11
1/7/2011 16:37:23   
guthixnite
Member

new chapter is good but i caught a single typing mistake. i wasn't looking hard though.
quote:

Admakir threw his yari at the nearest undead and pierced it(s) chest. He rushed up and pulled the spear from its bony chest before it even had the chance to fall and sent a small blizzard to consume the undead surrounding him. With their bones weakened and brittle from the cold he slashed at each with the yari and one hit was all it took to shatter them.
fix is in bold. just forgot the S in that little area.
AQ DF MQ AQW  Post #: 12
1/7/2011 16:53:05   
Mritha
Legendary AdventureGuide!


 @Trapper, Thank you Trapper! You can still give writing a try if inspiration hits :)

@guth, thank you! I will go fix that now.
DF MQ AQW  Post #: 13
1/7/2011 17:00:23   
guthixnite
Member

@mritha: i'll keep an eye out for any more mistakes!
@trapper: thats what i though...then i started mine. look up "The Rise of Razor". that took me little time to do. you can make a story.
AQ DF MQ AQW  Post #: 14
1/8/2011 14:10:49   
Mritha
Legendary AdventureGuide!


 I went back and fixed a bunch of spelling mistakes as well as added two more paragraphs in Chapter Four of Part Two
DF MQ AQW  Post #: 15
1/9/2011 14:31:06   
Baron Dante
Member

quote:

Seeing Dantea was busy blocking six undead simultaneously, he pulled out three hira-shuriken from his backpack and sent them flying toward the foes. Three direct hits and three soldiers fell to the ground.


Who pulled the hira-shurikens and threw them?
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 16
1/9/2011 21:42:12   
Mritha
Legendary AdventureGuide!


 Wolfencreek did, I went back and made that part a little more clear. Thank you Baron Dante!
DF MQ AQW  Post #: 17
1/10/2011 11:19:01   
Baron Dante
Member

Thanks, now that I look it, I can se why was "he" used instead of Wolfy, but it was a tad unclear. I somehow thought it was meant to be she and referring to either Dantea or Raven xD So yeah, it's better now.

Anxiously waiting for Chap 5!


Assuming I were to make a story, like ever, I would most likely use Dantea for it. You think it would be bad if it was kinda part of this same story? As in, in cases where Raven and Dantea are in the same story (Like currently), the story would be half'ly the same, just from Dantea's view of things?

Of course that would depend on how "main" is Dantea and the other heroes. And even moreso on the fact how preposterous would it be to think I would write anything. :P
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 18
1/10/2011 16:19:17   
Mordred
Member

@_o Grah, so much to read! I wish I had time. I'll be sure to read more after Friday(so long as my Mid-Terms aren't affected by snow, that is)! But from what little I've read, this is quite good!
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 19
1/12/2011 21:58:21   
Mritha
Legendary AdventureGuide!


 @Baron Dante, Thank you! And as for your idea for a fic, that would actually be really cool!

@Mordred, haha! Apologies for the length and here I was thinking it was too short in some places haha! And thank you for the complement. :)

@All, I went back and fixed a few typos, namely Sepulchure's name, as well as tweaked a few places to make them more clear as to what is going on. Things like what Baron Dante pointed out

< Message edited by Mritha -- 1/12/2011 23:26:41 >
DF MQ AQW  Post #: 20
1/12/2011 22:15:40   
Mordred
Member

I find it funny how you just mispelled his name. It's Sepulchure, not Sepulchre. :P
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 21
1/12/2011 23:27:19   
Mritha
Legendary AdventureGuide!


 fixed -_-
DF MQ AQW  Post #: 22
1/16/2011 1:10:54   
Mordred
Member

I'm about half-way done now, and it's quite good. However, two things: Drakath is spelled with a "k," not a "c." More importantly, dialogue from two or more different characters are in seperate paragraphs. Say that Violet says something, then Mark replies. Those are two seperate paragraphs. Hope this helps!
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 23
1/16/2011 1:52:39   
Condor
Member

Mritha great story
DF MQ AQW  Post #: 24
1/16/2011 2:09:37   
Mordred
Member

Just finished it. And just so ya know, it's 2 AM where I am, so that's saying something. There are of course many tyops and grammatical errors, but they don't interfere. Will other forumites be included in the future?
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 25
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