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RE: =DF= The Legacy of a Hero

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1/16/2011 20:00:46   
Mritha
Legendary AdventureGuide!


 @Epic, thank you!

@Mordred, huh, I thought I fixed Drakath's name. Ah well I well go back and edit that later.
quote:

dialogue from two or more different characters are in seperate paragraphs

This I did not know, thank you for that! I have a lot of editing to do know haha! And yes I do plan on adding more forumites as the story progresses. Their characters will be mostly seen during a war though I will have several chapters outside of the war where they will accompany Raven on some of the quests and offer guidance.

On a side note, I was toying with the idea of having some of the forum clowns having their own chapter eventually. What starts as a harmless prank between friends turns into an all out war
DF MQ AQW  Post #: 26
1/16/2011 20:33:42   
Razen
Member

Mritha: Is there a chance I can get multiple characters in? As I have a lot. But, I need a minute to make them!

Anyways, I like the second half, while the first half is disappointing at the beginning having a school surrounding, but whatever.

< Message edited by Shinobi Shadowmaster -- 1/16/2011 20:55:36 >
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 27
1/16/2011 20:42:21   
Mordred
Member

... That war looks like what I imagine the Secret Underground Lab to be like every day. I'm all for a side-story. Adds depth to the world.

^Wouldn't it be better to keep our L&L's separate? I mean, who'd want their characters to be in the same plane as Mordred, or in your heavily corrupted Society? It's not an insult, but both the creator of the characters and the one "borrowing" them would be placing restrictions on theirselves. Unless you're proposing a collaboration, it won't end well.

< Message edited by Mordred -- 1/16/2011 20:52:56 >
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 28
1/16/2011 20:54:34   
Razen
Member

Ok, I will cut mostall of them out then. Give me a minute, and I will some that I will have for this alone.

But, you got a point, Razen couldn't live in Mordred's plane, and Mordred couldn't survive in Licht Von Trilia. So Domo Arigato Mordred.

< Message edited by Shinobi Shadowmaster -- 1/16/2011 21:00:03 >
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 29
1/16/2011 21:13:30   
Mritha
Legendary AdventureGuide!


 Not so much RP characters, I was really looking for game characters. Like Mordred said it would make things confusing otherwise. Though I may have a crossover chapter between The Legacy of a Hero and A DragonLord's Loss that ties Raven and Mritha together, but its unlikely that they will do much more than a passing "hello" in Dragonsgrasp as the two stories are just that, two different stories.
DF MQ AQW  Post #: 30
1/16/2011 21:23:12   
Razen
Member

Well, what if I send in character's I just don't use much, like my character Lord Lance.
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 31
1/17/2011 16:53:54   
Baron Dante
Member

I started to wonder few things...

1) Will some of these forumite characters possibly even die at some point?
2) Why nothing new? :K *takes whip out and start bossing around... like usual* :D
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 32
1/17/2011 17:00:01   
Mordred
Member

@Dante: If you're really bored, you could always read my L&L.

Just another little something. In the beginning Chapter, you refer to Mrithr(i)a as Mrithria. But then, it's just Mritha later. You might want to change that.
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 33
1/17/2011 17:09:14   
Razen
Member

Baron Dante: No they can't as they are main characters!

_____________________________

[link=http://forums2.battleon.com/f/tm.asp?m=20512286][/link]
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 34
1/17/2011 21:38:55   
Mritha
Legendary AdventureGuide!


 @Dante, I will only kill them off if their owner wants me too :) As for nothing new, I've been super busy with RL and my other fic but I have a 5-6 hour drive ahead of me tomorrow, maybe i can work on it then.

@Mordred, thank you, I will fix that when I get home.

@Shinobi, I'd kinda like to keep just one character per person of that is ok :)
DF MQ AQW  Post #: 35
1/17/2011 21:40:57   
Mordred
Member

@Mrithra: IIRC, Silver Xoven is not adverse to meeting with Death on less than conditional terms. Also, my L&L has had its own updates recently, so you might wanna check it out eventually.
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 36
1/18/2011 15:01:27   
Baron Dante
Member

@Mritha: That's what I figured. No killing other peoples characters. :P

For that, have a fix:

quote:

She thought as she turned to join her new friends in the inn.
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 37
1/19/2011 17:19:17   
Mritha
Legendary AdventureGuide!


 I took Mordred's suggestion and am currently in the process of editing my chapters (some of which I swear have doubled in length now!) as well as working on chapter 5 where I will attempt to add some humor.
quote:

Wolfencreek was leaning back in his chair fast asleep, his mouth hanging open. Dantea picked up a cooked pea from her plate and tossed it at him but missed her mark, the little green ball bouncing off his closed eye. Wolfencreek twitched but didn’t wake. Imaru grabbed a pea, took aim, then tossed the pea right into Wolfencreek’s open mouth. His three tablemates tried in vain not to laugh when he still didn’t wake and Razor grabbed another pea............ Raven turned and saw Wolfencreek spitting peas out of his mouth. Glaring at his friends he picked up a spoon and threw it at Razor who ducked. The spoon sailed over his head and clattered to the floor while Dantea and Imaru were doubled over in laughter.


@Mordred, Silver Xoven isn't in the fic (though I will add his char if he wants)
DF MQ AQW  Post #: 38
1/22/2011 23:46:09   
Glais
Member

Uh....huh? The killed children part looks the same to me, down to the cheering...
DF MQ  Post #: 39
1/22/2011 23:51:04   
Razen
Member

Glaisaurus: Well, it really depends on the age of the children, cause at a certain age range they wouldn't understand death, and that would be the likely reaction for the death of a bully. Yes, I am very good at psychology.
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 40
1/23/2011 0:10:26   
Glais
Member

Going by the setting, I'm judging that most of the children are around <maincharacter's> age, who obviously understands it, and if they were too young to understand, they'd be too young to be bullied and would have no reason to cheer.

Yeah I totally just made all that up on the spot.
DF MQ  Post #: 41
1/23/2011 0:12:54   
Razen
Member

Glaisaurus: That's pretty false, in first, second, and the such grades, I was harassed and bullied a lot more than now. Trust me, you don't argue with me, I will pull out a Miar(He can't lose an argument) on you.

Well, I await the next part/ch.

And, I am beginning Part VI of my own work.
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 42
1/23/2011 0:15:52   
Glais
Member

I meant by THIS bully, he's older than <maincharacter> and it's highly illogical for him to mess with 6 and 7 year olds. It just don't really happen.
DF MQ  Post #: 43
1/23/2011 0:17:42   
Razen
Member

You got a point there, and there alone. So, perhaps some focus on changing that, I personally didn't even read anything above when I got a character in.
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 44
1/23/2011 0:22:44   
Glais
Member

. . .
That was the only point I was ever trying to make.

Anyhow, the whole scene seems...illogical(as I noted in my first post here) the only reason I brought it back up was because Mritha had said she changed it but it looked the same to me.

Even simply removing the cheering part would make it more...believable.

< Message edited by glaisaurus_x -- 1/28/2011 17:48:18 >
DF MQ  Post #: 45
1/23/2011 0:55:21   
Mritha
Legendary AdventureGuide!


 To clear things up, chapter one of part one is still being written. For whatever reason I cannot get that chapter right but the key elements of it cannot change as they are vital to Raven's character developmet later on. I'm still working on that chapter so if you have any suggestions I'm all ears :)

On a side note, I finished part of my other fic which involves Mritha and her dragon Odgne. A Dragonlord's Loss, which you can find here will be much shorter than this fic so it won't take me long to complete. I might start a new thread for comments for it later or I will just change the title of this thread and make it the discussion for all my fics. Tell me what you think! :D
DF MQ AQW  Post #: 46
1/23/2011 1:07:24   
Glais
Member

I suggest simply removing the cheering, the kids dying seems to be important, and she realizes what she did, as well as the adults. The cheering just seems unrealistic to me...
DF MQ  Post #: 47
1/23/2011 1:07:51   
Razen
Member

Mritha: Would you be happy to hear that Part VI is going at a good pace, and I should finish it tomorrow. Also, do you want spoiler?

Glaisaurus: Agreed. It's just something that is insane, to me, something I cannot perceive it seems.

< Message edited by Shinobi Shadowmaster -- 1/23/2011 1:08:42 >
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 48
1/23/2011 1:13:17   
Glais
Member

INSANE, yes, I think that was the word that first came to mind.
Had she simply done one of those "weak kid beats up bully" scenes it would've made sense, but "weak kid kills bully"...that doesn't really have the same ring to it, you know?
DF MQ  Post #: 49
1/27/2011 11:46:54   
Baron Dante
Member

I noticed that Sabrina is the innkeeper. 0.o
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 50
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