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Book of Vereriaz Comments

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12/18/2010 21:47:32   
Razen
Member

Link to the story. Please, I will work on it. It will be a long story. Just give it time, but for now you may give your opinions.
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 1
12/19/2010 13:04:55   
Glais
Member

I'm not the greatest writer so just bear with me...
So far it seems alright, a few errors here and there but nothing too bad.
The one thing bugging me is that it seems you're trying to make this second universe you've created be involved with Lore, except that it's also a universe with many of the common species and "items(for lack of a better work)" Lore has.
But that's mainly because I'm not a big universe mixy person, just don't like the idea of imposing another universe on Lore's in general.
The name's are creative though, not corny or anything which is good.

< Message edited by glaisaurus_x -- 12/19/2010 17:53:08 >
DF MQ  Post #: 2
12/19/2010 21:20:42   
Razen
Member

Glasaurus_X: You know I am just using the suggestion forums to see what people think of what I plan to make a game spawn from. I only showed my suggestion sagas to happen in Lore as it would be weird if I some how made your character sent to a parallel universe. Wouldn't it? So, I actually have your character inside a copy of the universe that is connected to lore, so you can stay on Lore, but still do my sagas. But, getting into the connecting planes is a long, tedious discussion.

Update: 2 new stories added Gahyl's and Vilus's.

< Message edited by Shinobi Shadowmaster -- 12/21/2010 16:56:37 >
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 3
12/29/2010 1:42:24   
Razen
Member

Update: Redid the style of the story entirely. Now, each main person will have their own book, which will be so many parts long.

< Message edited by Shinobi Shadowmaster -- 1/6/2011 16:59:55 >
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 4
1/13/2011 21:37:50   
Razen
Member

Update: Part III of Razen's Story is done, so expect the next part sometime within about a week or less. Still got twelve more parts, then I have more books to write, such as Elkrei, Gahyl, Admakir, and others like those listed.

< Message edited by Shinobi Shadowmaster -- 1/13/2011 21:38:40 >
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 5
1/14/2011 9:29:04   
Mritha
Legendary AdventureGuide!


 I just got finished reading part III and I loved the bit of Razen's history at the end! However a little more detail of how the prison looked would have been nice, you tell us that bodies decorated the outside but not what was on the inside. Were the walls made of stone? Were they covered in the dried blood of the inmates? And how did Zazaith and Seradun escape? The prison scene ended a little abruptly :) But overall I really enjoyed this chapter.
quote:

They had a bloodthirsty look within their eyes; a malicious smile swept the inmates...It might be a destined death for Zazaith and me.

The anticipation for a battle that must surely be coming mounted as I read that! I'm eagerly awating part IV!
DF MQ AQW  Post #: 6
1/14/2011 16:25:10   
Razen
Member

Mritha: Sorry, I was kinda rushing. So, I will add to fulfill what you had asked.

I made the new paragraph to add a pretty continual flow.

< Message edited by Shinobi Shadowmaster -- 1/14/2011 16:40:38 >
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 7
1/15/2011 23:44:29   
Mordred
Member

I quite like it, although there is something you should know. When a different character speaks, it is a whole new paragraph. So, say Zazaith speaks, then, say, Razen. That's two different paragraphs, not one. That's mu only qualm, though. I quite like the dark feel to it, and it seems to be a far exaggerated version Earth's morality, which I think to be in a decline. But these people are just cruel and sadistic. I love it!
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 8
1/15/2011 23:47:52   
Razen
Member

Mordred, this is a tale of Seradan seeing the reality of the world, much like how a child is disappointed once he sees the world, and it gives the reader knowledge of Razen. They are sadistic, and cruel as to be symbolic to our governing Society. But, about the speech thing, I will fix that! *runs off monkeyslave style!*
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 9
1/15/2011 23:49:17   
Mordred
Member

Yay! I think that will greatly help the reader with the flow of the story. Also, slavemonkey? Will those be appearing soon?
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 10
1/15/2011 23:51:57   
Razen
Member

Mordred, who do you think writes the storylines of games, huh! But, they could appear, for a second then disappear, as they're very mysterious. Also, what did you think of Razen having a wife? Mritha thought it gave a good insight on Razen actually, of just what Zazaith said of him and her.
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 11
1/15/2011 23:53:50   
Mordred
Member

I like it. Gives a character more depth when you provide back-ground info. Like I'm slowly doing with Mordred. Nobody likes a Flat character. It's like drinking flat soda.
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 12
1/15/2011 23:55:52   
Razen
Member

Indeed, also Elkrei is likely the least flat character I know, seeing as he has a large description of his persona. He also boasts one of the most original Plot Twists ever, as he is the closest I've got to a universal evil character, is that he is forced to be evil.

So, now we know Razen is protective of his wife.

< Message edited by Shinobi Shadowmaster -- 1/15/2011 23:56:12 >
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 13
1/15/2011 23:57:01   
Mordred
Member

What else could he be protective of?
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 14
1/15/2011 23:58:54   
Razen
Member

He is quite protective in general, such as his assistance to the people of the Refuge, and how in the later parts, he actually worries about Seradan. I will also start to name the parts, but only after I fix the conversation.

I have fixed the conversation error, and named the parts! Yeah, see you all tomorrow.

< Message edited by Shinobi Shadowmaster -- 1/16/2011 0:47:31 >
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 15
1/18/2011 7:10:23   
Razen
Member

I should be done with Part IV around this week, despite my constant breaks from the typing. I wish I would stay more focused on the task. And, a certain goblin will try and eat Seradan's apparently delicious arm.

< Message edited by Shinobi Shadowmaster -- 1/18/2011 7:19:13 >
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 16
1/19/2011 16:29:39   
Mritha
Legendary AdventureGuide!


 Awww Razen has a son! And I am very impressed with Seradan's high pain tolerance, the goblin crushed his arm and he thought little of it!
DF MQ AQW  Post #: 17
1/19/2011 16:32:04   
Razen
Member

Mritha: You could say he just didn't want to write about it. Also, I thought I should give Razen a full family, as it will cause a massive amount of character development in the future, and what dis you think of my attempt at poetry with Mordred and Mortimer's Final Fight?
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 18
1/19/2011 16:42:35   
Mritha
Legendary AdventureGuide!


 I liked the flow of it, but i just now realized that Mordred updated his fic so after I read that the poem will most likely make more sense
DF MQ AQW  Post #: 19
1/19/2011 21:26:04   
Mordred
Member

Ooooh, I like it! Goblin likes arms. Arms chewy! But aaawww, Razen has a son(and apparently doesn't want people knowing that from him)... Elitus is faaaar too rich for his own good. He must be punished.
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 20
1/19/2011 21:37:34   
Razen
Member

Mordred: Elitus would've normally been placed as lord of a keep, but due to no keeps having an open place for a lord. He accepted the position of Guard Captain, and such in Licht Von Trilia. Also, did you get the symbolic meaning of the second floors, being absolutely spotless, and serene?

< Message edited by Shinobi Shadowmaster -- 1/19/2011 21:38:13 >
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 21
1/19/2011 21:40:38   
Mordred
Member

It's the middle floor? Thus, being at the middle is the best?
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 22
1/19/2011 21:42:50   
Razen
Member

Mordred: No, it was more referring to how a person whom is rich can get away with all kinds of evil, while keeping a pristine record, and sanity(Probably).
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 23
1/19/2011 21:43:45   
Mordred
Member

Very obscure. I like it!
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 24
1/19/2011 21:45:35   
Razen
Member

It wasn't that hard or obscure(Considering I make them, then they're obscure in a way) to interpret for me, but I can just interpret writing, predict plots, and predict movies very well.
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 25
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