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RE: Criticism of A path to madness

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11/19/2011 22:18:43   
Mortarion
Member

Posted, sorry if it's a bit small, I'll continue with it tomorrow
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 101
11/20/2011 13:18:12   
Varen6398
Friendly!, Constructive!
Creative!
quote:

Well what whe have here


It should be 'Well what do we have here?'

quote:

“Oh you are important, said Cruor, I thought you where a pig”


Should be '"Oh you are important," said Cruor, "I thought you were a pig."

quote:

in that whay you peasant


'in that way'

quote:

After that Mortarion wake up screaming


woke up screaming.

quote:

Said amrk before leaving through the door.



Mark, not amrk.

This story, with a bit of grammatical polishing could be great. I really want to know why he is now called Mortarion rather than Cruor.
DF  Post #: 102
11/20/2011 13:19:47   
Mortarion
Member

Oh you'll see soon enought
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 103
11/20/2011 13:23:32   
Varen6398
Friendly!, Constructive!
Creative!


 Now I feel worried.
DF  Post #: 104
11/20/2011 13:24:57   
Mortarion
Member

for Mortarion you mean
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 105
11/20/2011 15:44:37   
Mortarion
Member

Added more to newest chapter, please comment
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 106
11/20/2011 19:02:42   
Helixi
Member

There's so many spelling/grammar mistakes in this, but the story itself is sound. I'll be sweeping through with a harsh critique in the next few days, be aware.
AQ DF  Post #: 107
11/20/2011 19:07:19   
Mortarion
Member

Sorry, I try to do my best
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 108
11/20/2011 19:20:42   
Mortarion
Member

A quick question Helixi, what do you think that are the weak and strong point story-wise?
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 109
11/21/2011 4:37:40   
Glais
Member

Interesting, so a break out. Good to have some buildup as to what went down with Malorum. If I remember right, he had something to do with SlugWrath, yes?
However, there's still many typos, but I know Helixi's good at that so I'll let her tackle those.
DF MQ  Post #: 110
11/21/2011 4:40:56   
Mortarion
Member

Well I changed that, this is happening in the mid of Alteon's rebellion, and you'll see soon, it will invoke torture, and perphas cannibalism :3
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 111
11/21/2011 4:42:10   
Glais
Member

Ah, so is Malorum at least on SlugWrath's side or he just has his own small kingdom?

Cannibalism? o_O That's gonna be weird.
Also how soon's the
spoiler:

Demon
come in.
Fixed homie.

< Message edited by glaisaurus_x -- 11/21/2011 4:49:37 >
DF MQ  Post #: 112
11/21/2011 4:48:45   
Mortarion
Member

It's pot the K ark, but you'll see a teaser soon, and Glais, USE SPOILER TAGS!!!!!
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 113
11/21/2011 4:50:57   
Glais
Member

K Arc? Confuseded mayne. Teasers are good though, I like those.
DF MQ  Post #: 114
11/21/2011 4:55:08   
Mortarion
Member

K ark= Kathool ark
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 115
11/21/2011 4:57:27   
Glais
Member

Ah gotcha, now Trials and Havoc will make more sense.
spoiler:

I wonder how the Demon will tie into that, because they seem so....different.
DF MQ  Post #: 116
11/21/2011 5:00:27   
Mortarion
Member

Yes definitively, I hope Aizen is back soon, because if he can't finish were Mortarion appears I'd need to improvise, oh you'll see soon how Kathool could control Mortarion, it involves the creation of a SA
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 117
11/21/2011 5:02:18   
Glais
Member

Ah yes, I remember that bit from Trials. Aizen never used it really though, save for one scene.
DF MQ  Post #: 118
11/21/2011 5:04:08   
Mortarion
Member

Oh no, that SA isn't for Mortarion, it's for a certain CW out there ;)
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 119
11/21/2011 5:05:14   
Glais
Member

Ah so that's how he'll tie in.
So what of that SA in trials? Is it one and the same?

Anyhow, adding that ChaosWeaver will help expand the cast which is good, since at the moment we haven't received a "goal" so to speak.
DF MQ  Post #: 120
11/21/2011 5:08:18   
Mortarion
Member

The CW is of other story, and this ark is a racconto, there will be goals soon. And what you saw in trials isn't a SA by normal standards
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 121
11/21/2011 5:13:31   
Glais
Member

Well I knew that, but I have not read this other story you see xP
Hm, so like a normal spirit then?
DF MQ  Post #: 122
11/21/2011 11:35:01   
Mortarion
Member

No, it's different, you'll see it eventually
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 123
11/21/2011 11:41:22   
Varen6398
Friendly!, Constructive!
Creative!


 I love how this is unfolding. Mortarion told me a little but about his story, even if he didn't realise it. I think I will go check out the art of Mortarion (by LK) in a minute.
DF  Post #: 124
11/21/2011 11:43:14   
Mortarion
Member

Enjoy ;)
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 125
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