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12/3/2011 6:27:14   
Crystal Lion
Member
 

I did say she took after her mother in the bad temper and cynical department, even if Attie is scared of her own mother. As for the fish part...I think Attie will refer to Aquatians as talking fish for quite a while.
Post #: 26
12/4/2011 22:51:08   
Drakkoniss
Creative!
Constructive!


Ah, red... I like that color... I think I will read your story about now.

Yes... and sports take alot of time and practice, as well, along with teamwork. I won't say she would not be good on a sports team, because I have not aquired the information for that, but the fact that you must socialize actively with others alot, even in periods of not actually playing the game, makes me wonder more intently whether or not her lack of people skills would interfere...

Hmm... herbal soup. Interesting choice.

Ami... interesting. All "A"s...

Starts out rather normally, at first... Curious...

And I am guessing the turn of events will result in one or both of them stopping the bank robber, or attempting to... My question is simple: Is it Mr. Purple?

Indeed. That seems a bit obvious, considering the fact that she was in a mechanical clamp, he had bags of money with him, and they were shouting "Rober!Rober!"... both the fact that it is Mr.Purple, and the fact he's a bank rober. ;)

Why them specifically, out of all those people, I wonder? XP

To be fair, he could have told that to everyone in the vicinity...

Hmm... Makes me wonder whether or not they know they can fly, which is implied by his "wing-clipping"... Also, very accurate with that beam...

In turn, this makes me wonder if their mother is aware of their super powers... Telepathy... I see...

Well, this is getting far more interesting...

BLACK EYES FTW!!!!!!!

"I don't recall being royals in this place, Artisa," Atroxia muttered. <-Interesting...

Gray haired guy... interesting, as is what he said...

Enough for today... I got distracted.
DF  Post #: 27
12/5/2011 2:43:09   
Crystal Lion
Member
 

quote:

Yes... and sports take alot of time and practice, as well, along with teamwork. I won't say she would not be good on a sports team, because I have not aquired the information for that, but the fact that you must socialize actively with others alot, even in periods of not actually playing the game, makes me wonder more intently whether or not her lack of people skills would interfere...


Atroxia prefers sports that can be done mostly solo, such as martial arts or rollerskating.

quote:

Hmm... herbal soup. Interesting choice.


She takes after her mother in their preferred type of food. Oh, there's a hint of the twins' mother's ancestry in there.

quote:

Why them specifically, out of all those people, I wonder? XP


Nobody else had the guts to run after Mr. Purple.

quote:

Hmm... Makes me wonder whether or not they know they can fly, which is implied by his "wing-clipping"... Also, very accurate with that beam...


They only know that they can jump higher than usual. As for the beam, they didn't move out of the way fast enough.

quote:

BLACK EYES FTW!!!!!!!


I like putting them on my characters.
Post #: 28
12/5/2011 3:18:20   
Shadowlord9k
Member

Right. This story. I guess I should actually read it now. On to chapter 1:

Chapter 1:
Interesting that you said "mom" first, then changed it to "mum" and then back to "mom" later...

quote:

Robber! Robber!" several people jumped up and down in fright as the twins arrived. 
"What's the matter?" Artisa asked quickly.

Zombies. Obviously.

Normally I'd make a comment about the reporters apparently not knowing about people with the preference of same gendered people, but I can't get the right wording...

Why wouldn't a person believe in lions? They are widely-known felines.

I have a feeling that I'm missing something as the bit regarding the 2 "lions" makes no sense to me.

Interesting that they are share first names starting with the letter "A", and fairly uncommon ones to boot.

Chapter II:
The guy who asked you to ask about suspicious people sounds pretty suspicious.

Should be mister or sir, not master.

Just get a newspaper and smite those ants, they aren't scary.

You seem to like the word "swarthy".

That was just plain rude, and you must have worse luck for having to save her twice.

Wow. I'm freakin' psychic when it comes down To things like that it seems.

Well Attie could try employing the following tactics to Not get gender confused, but it would be Less....respectable:
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/FormFittingWardrobe
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/CleavageWindow
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/BoobsOfSteel
...there are more pages I can find if you want me to.

I never thought I'd be able to say "Lesbians appears to be a continuing thing in here". Thanks I can cross that off the list now.

Chapter III:
The killbots are not pretty, they are killbots. If they were pretty it would take forever to clean off all of the blood.

Kicking a tank......seriously? That's your best idea? Just draw a bazooka or something next time.

Mia Belle is French, isn't it? Im assuming it means "my dear" and if it does it does make sense in a refine villain sorta way.

Draw a jetpack. It's that simple.

Chapter IV:
Destruction does seem like a fitting title.

Draw aspirin. That easy.

I like that caller, I hope (s)he appears more.

So it wasn't French.

Chapter V:
I am just gonna assume the aliens would sound male so I can read their lines in a different voice.

Actually poison would be more potent if injected into the bloodstream.

Pretty ironic when Attie asks anybody if they have manners.

Chapter VI:
What's up with all the odd names, I mean why just not call a few people Steve?

"A girl? But she has a boy's body, boy's legs, boy's everything."
Would that also apply to the reproductive organs then?

Is "tres exotique" French? 

I must admit, I like this Death. He's funny.

Could you Atleast add a footnote or something saying what language the (what I assume) French parts are? I have no idea "n'est ce pas" even means.

Huh I didn't even notice the lack of female villains. I guess the staff must fear all of the TvTropes pages...

Wait if the pill only regulates internal temperatures (I'm assuming it's working on troll science.) would their clothes and other items burn up on the way up the volcano?

Chapter VI:
I was gonna say something about Susan learning the mystical secrets of Jarate from her computer but I realized nobody would get the joke.

By jelly? Let me get my toast ready.

You really love the word swarthy.

Lokos, you fail At intimidation.

You gotta say, it IS a catchy song. Regardless of where it is known of.

I dislike the alternate song choices, sing "Still Alive" instead.

Why do I have a feeling that store attendant was Melissa.

Chapter VII:
Nothing to say here.
AQ DF AQW Epic  Post #: 29
12/5/2011 3:44:23   
Crystal Lion
Member
 

quote:

Why wouldn't a person believe in lions? They are widely-known felines.

Not the sort that stand on two legs, have black hair and black eyes to match!

quote:

Should be mister or sir, not master.

Arnold's a little old-fashioned.

quote:

That was just plain rude, and you must have worse luck for having to save her twice.

Attie doesn't have much in the way of manners.

quote:

Well Attie could try employing the following tactics to Not get gender confused, but it would be Less....respectable

She's more likely to give you one big fat slap across your face for suggesting all those ideas.

quote:

Kicking a tank......seriously? That's your best idea? Just draw a bazooka or something next time.

Admittedly, kicking the tank wasn't the smartest of ideas at the time, but Artisa probably has no idea how to use a bazooka or a big gun.

quote:

Mia Belle is French, isn't it? Im assuming it means "my dear" and if it does it does make sense in a refine villain sorta way.

He said "Mia bella," which is Italian, and it means "My beautiful."

quote:

Destruction does seem like a fitting title.

For a wrecker, anyway.

quote:

Draw aspirin. That easy.

Not so fast. Thing is, Artisa can make edibles come to life, but they would taste of paint and still be made of paint, not actually work. Not very pleasant to eat. That's also why the weapons and things she draws will wear out faster than an actual item. Her creations are meant to be temporary.

quote:

I like that caller, I hope (s)he appears more.

It was the apartment manager who called Demo up and called her a drunk, thanks to hearing her slur her words.

quote:

Pretty ironic when Attie asks anybody if they have manners.

Eh? Where?

quote:

"A girl? But she has a boy's body, boy's legs, boy's everything."
Would that also apply to the reproductive organs then?

Not the reproductive organs, but everything else makes Attie look like a boy.

quote:

I must admit, I like this Death. He's funny.

He's more of an eccentric lonely old man.

quote:

Could you Atleast add a footnote or something saying what language the (what I assume) French parts are? I have no idea "n'est ce pas" even means.

Now you mention it, I should have. "N'est ce pas?" means "Isn't that right?" in French. I'll do that for any foreign languages spouted in the future.

quote:

Wait if the pill only regulates internal temperatures (I'm assuming it's working on troll science.) would their clothes and other items burn up on the way up the volcano?

Not if their insides are so cold that the heat from outside flows towards their innards. But it's still troll-logic or deus-ex-machina.

quote:

Why do I have a feeling that store attendant was Melissa.

She wasn't, Melissa is a bank teller, not a store attendant.

< Message edited by Crystal Lion -- 12/5/2011 4:00:36 >
Post #: 30
12/7/2011 22:33:11   
Drakkoniss
Creative!
Constructive!


Well, I think I will forego reading the comments, as there would be spoilers...

I think I will read a bit more now, though.

Purple is the color of royalty... the robe makes me think of that...

Interesting mythology/history the Lions have in their backstory...

I wonder who this "Ez" is... Hmm...

Makes me wonder about the actual things that occured in the past, concerning the Lions, all this talk does.

Herakaris I would like to learn more of... a schoolmate with them, and with an intriguing past, herself. I yearn to know more. Let us hope you've filled the readers in by the end of it.

Their mother is a bit forceful... I suppose geting a job is important, but still...

She seems to forget the fact that getting a job happens to have a reward commonly refered to as money, which would allow her to get her precious skate-breaks. XP

Yep, the girls are willing to listen to the word of some random stranger in the middle of NYC, with a bandana over his face like he was trying to either hide his identity, or look like he's on the wrong side of the law... XP

SL9K is correct in the earlier comment I spotted saying that the clerk probably wouldn't have called her "master", seeing as it is New York, not London, or something, unless he had just moved there, or something of the sort... Either that, or he holds the Old World customs rather closely to his heart, even after he's been in the city for a while.

Artisa seems to know quite a few people there... Hmm...

Refering to Atroxia as a creature... XD

I agree... you do use swarthy overmuch, one could say. lol

I hated the fact that you couldn't just walk through the fire... even at higher levels... IT EATS UP INV SLOTS!!!!!!!!!!! It also is annoying to go back and forth over, and over again!

Interesting way of destroying the cage... I have to stop reading/commenting, now, but it's been entertaining. I'm looking foreward to finding out just what the Lion stories actually are...


< Message edited by Drakkoniss -- 12/7/2011 22:34:03 >
DF  Post #: 31
12/8/2011 8:00:26   
Crystal Lion
Member
 

Hera's got quite a big role in the later stories, I'll say that much. As for the old legends, they have more to do with other AE games than HeroSmash itself.
Post #: 32
12/8/2011 21:26:57   
Drakkoniss
Creative!
Constructive!


Yeah, that's a chance you've got to take when reading a story based on the relationship between Lore and HeroSmash's Earth.
DF  Post #: 33
12/17/2011 0:26:33   
Devastate
Member

Some points that I find worth saying :

- Both twins have different personalities which reminds me of Yin and Yang, wherein Artisa(not to mention the name fits her personality) seems to be the less aggressive would be the brains of their dynamic duo and Atroxia(reminds me of the word Atrocious! I have to see if this would fit her personality in the later parts of the story.) would be the guts and muscle making her the exact ingredient for the twins to perform relentless combos which was put into test during the encounter with Mr. Purple.

-The 3rd person point of view seems to be observed very well throughout the panel

- I do love the pinch of comedy thrust into the lines!

I shall be now moving to the next panel and would be giving comments not long after this post.
Post #: 34
12/17/2011 22:44:05   
Drakkoniss
Creative!
Constructive!


Arg... I had most of my day sucked up by my cousin visiting, and because I had to restart my computer after a broadband failure, I lost all my commentary on this, which was going to be my first story I commented on...

Well, I'll start off by saying that I find it somewhat sad that you hadn't spoken with Herakaris for 3 months, and that I am glad to see that their mother is not completely oblivious, because it would be quite sad if she had no idea her children were crime fighters/had powers. She's right in that Super Heroics, while being a fulfilling career in many cases, tends not to be a well-paying one... They do probably need another job. Nice name for the dog, by the way, albeit it seems like that name would be one for a cat, for some reason.

I would at this point like to insert that, while Atroxia did do it a bit harshly, straight people do not generally enjoy the affections and advances of same-gendered people. It could be quite awkward for both parties, and while I don't want to sound too harsh, if it truly was love-sickness, and with the fact that Atroxia was female being known to her, indulging such feelings towards her could lead to a much worse situation, barring the relatively unlikely scenario pointed out of her becoming filled with hatred for her savior, and going on a vendetta.

Sunken eyes, hands shaking... That worries me...

Hmm, seems the mother of the fan girl did not know her child's affections were towards a female... Ami is right, though, she needs to be more careful with her words. Talking so harshly to people literally could be the end of her with the heroes and villains in town, as the situation would have it. That especially goes for if she loses to a more powerful villain that plans to be merciful, but isn't, after she shoots her mouth off at him/er...

Done for now.
DF  Post #: 35
12/18/2011 0:23:30   
Crystal Lion
Member
 

Drakkoniss, Atroxia isn't exactly straight herself, if you noticed the hyena remark and know about what people thought hyenas were.
Post #: 36
12/18/2011 3:23:07   
Shadowlord9k
Member

Drakkoniss:
quote:

She's right in that Super Heroics, while being a fulfilling career in many cases, tends not to be a well-paying one...

The gifts from the thankful will surely add up...not to mention the free loot the enemies give. 

quote:

I would at this point like to insert that, while Atroxia did do it a bit harshly, straight people do not generally enjoy the affections and advances of same-gendered people.

The way you worded that seemed as though it was a foreign concept to you.

Crystal:
Could you please tell me exactly what you mean by "know about what people thought hyenas were."? Because I have no idea what you mean by that.
AQ DF AQW Epic  Post #: 37
12/18/2011 5:18:02   
Crystal Lion
Member
 

Hyenas were once believed to be reproductive deviants because female hyenas act far more aggressively than males.
Post #: 38
12/18/2011 14:52:19   
Drakkoniss
Creative!
Constructive!


If I saw a hyena comment, I do not remeber it, and may have overlooked it at the time. I also might not have gotten that far in the story, depending on where it is located.

Hmm... Yes, I believe I may have heard that you were not straight yourself before, although I am not sure if you said you were bi or a lesbian... Then again, my memory could be incorrect in this circumstance. I do not know for sure, although I believe it is.

No, Shadow, it is not that it is a foreign concept to me, it's that that is just the way I wrote that. I wanted to make it equally aplicable to both genders, and I appologise if my assumption of sexual orientation offended you in any way, Crystal (I doubt it did, based on the way you responded), but that's just a result of the subconcious assumption most people make unless indications are made to the contarary... I suppose it might be a somewhat outmoded point of view, but that's just how most people think, whether purposefully or not. Generally not.

...

I see the hyena comment, now. One moment, I will post this and then edit again.

Personally, as animals go, I prefer hyenas over lions (no offence). Lions steal hyena kills, and hyenas have the ability to bite through bone, too, which is awesome.

I actually like Atroxia's personality for some reason... You know, you'd think her jerkish actions and brash attitude would make me annoyed by her, or something, but I actually find it quite charming, but not in a romatic way... More... ammusing, but that's not the word I would use.

*sigh* I still can't get to the end of the chapter... That's what I've been trying to do, before reading DB's story, but now I have to have another day interupted with family outings, which we've had far too much of lately. Parties, visitors, ect. :/

I had to miss Zafara yesterday, unless SL9K lied, of course, but I am inclined to believe him, because I had family business, specifically, a cousin coming over. Yes, I know, it was fun, just as it should have been, but I haven't seen her in so long...

Well, I am back... I think I'll continue reading, now.

The ancestor being a "wolf" bit could explain the teeth... And I suppose the girl who was watching them with the gray-haired guy is now explained, as well, not that most people would think that she was anything but bad news, but it's good to have it fully explained.

I suppose it's good to see she's planning on making an apology to the fan girl, too. Perhaps Atroxia will learn something from that, although she seems to have an equivalent personality later on, based on little snippets I know because of pictures and things.

She can't face her; she's not good enough, hmm? I suppose that's what many people would think if they don't have a full grasp of the situation, especially when they're young. I think it's more that that's how Atroxia acts towards nearly everyone, and not that she is worthless. Pity she would think in such a way... She probably has a good life ahead of her, and such an occurance in her youth could permanently effect her personality, possibly (in fact, probably, if it is so bad as is shown, and she wouldn't have come out of it with some lesson that improved her outlook on life/made it more realistic, and her a tougher individual as a whole) leading to depression, and perhaps a loss of social aptitude, even leading to her not having success in work in later life, because of her negative attitude and pessimistic outlook on things that could result from such an event, which I am guessing would become a profound, huge, pivotal event in her life. Sad.

"You're not" could actually have been interperated as Atroxia agreeing with her... Not in real life, most likely, because you'd be able to read tone of voice, and facial expressions, postures, ect., but you know what I mean...

Hmm... It's good that she was able to cheer her up. The white lying was a bit sad, mostly because I don't like it when people lie, but I understand that it would be hard to come up with anything to say at all in such a situation, anyway, much less come with something that wasn't deceitful, yet was aimed to cheer her up.

I guess that's the end of that chapter... XD


< Message edited by Drakkoniss -- 12/18/2011 20:04:15 >


_____________________________

DF  Post #: 39
12/19/2011 1:45:57   
Shadowlord9k
Member

Lion: Huh, I never heard that before.

Drakkoniss:
quote:

No, Shadow, it is not that it (etc.)

I was just pointing out that you worded it a bit strangely. Nothing else.

quote:

I actually like Atroxia's personality for some reason... (etc.)

It's rare to see jerk heroes, that's what makes them so interesting character wise. Not to mention the humor tied to the character.

quote:

I had to miss Zafara yesterday, unless SL9K lied,

What makes you think that I may have lied?


[quote[I guess that's the end of that chapter... XD
Looks like it, but there are still more.
AQ DF AQW Epic  Post #: 40
12/22/2011 22:31:10   
Drakkoniss
Creative!
Constructive!


Well, I have come to the point in the day where I have 30 minutes to do stuff before I go to bed, so I think I'll read some of your story.

First, I would like to say that it is awesome that you included Antares in your story. Noone ever does that, even though he's a very important hero, apparently.

Sadly, I have never personally met the guy, but still, I have admiration for his work.

This makes me wonder what the outfits you changed into looked like, and why you you wouldn't just go in what you were in...

It almost disappoints me that Hera didn't go immediately, but meh... It's somewhat understandable.

Cat's eyes? I don't remeber Demolicious' eyes having slits... I also find it a bit odd that you didn't metion her glowing breast-plate parts, or the gloves at the very least, considering it would be difficult to word the breast part well, in the initial description of her, but then again, it's your story, there can be differences from reality/canon, even if you do show them in your picture. XD

Isabel... She uses an alias, but Atroxia is called by her nick name she normally is known by... Hmm...

Demolicious also refers to it as "The Fight", not "The War"... Odd.

Hehe... You followed the dialogue pretty well, there, and captured her personality in a was Vector didn't show... That may have been because of the stress over her father's situation, and the fact that they were asking idiot questions, but still. It actually sounds like her in-game... I need to compare how she talks after the War with his story, so I can see if he also acurately portrais her persona when she is not so extremely stressed out...

The Heart... metaphorical reference to the Malachite, or do they not know that it is the Malachite? It's been turned into a myth, so facts could be blurry..

Interesting conversation you had with the Diva... You personify them more than the game does. I like that. Your story is really starting to shape up at this point (not that it wasn't good before, but it's really starting to get interesting when the War is talked about), and I am starting to like it even more than I already did... I hope I get more chances to read it.. or rather, have the whim to do so more...

Idk, the Killbots don't seem like Orangutans as much to me... The APBs look like gorillas, though. XD

... The Killbots don't seem too good at combat... XD

Well, time to stop reading for now, but still, very good.
DF  Post #: 41
12/23/2011 4:50:04   
Crystal Lion
Member
 

quote:

First, I would like to say that it is awesome that you included Antares in your story. Noone ever does that, even though he's a very important hero, apparently.

Sadly, I have never personally met the guy, but still, I have admiration for his work.

Haven't met Antares, but I realized she was female when I looked carefully at her.


quote:

This makes me wonder what the outfits you changed into looked like, and why you you wouldn't just go in what you were in...

The twins were wearing their night-clothes, not exactly their super-uniforms. So they changed into their super-uniforms to go to the war.


quote:

Cat's eyes? I don't remeber Demolicious' eyes having slits... I also find it a bit odd that you didn't metion her glowing breast-plate parts, or the gloves at the very least, considering it would be difficult to word the breast part well, in the initial description of her, but then again, it's your story, there can be differences from reality/canon, even if you do show them in your picture. XD

Demo has very big eyes, I thought they were shaped like cat's eyes. (Notice her surprised expression just before DaVinci made his killbots grab her?) As for her description not matching the one ingame, well, yeah, I thought it would be awkward to say that there were glowing marks on her chest. As for why I said it was a black leotard, it's because the other parts of her leotard are that really dark purple.

Funny story: My brother thought Demo's clothes were best described as a nano-swimsuit.


quote:

Hehe... You followed the dialogue pretty well, there, and captured her personality in a was Vector didn't show... That may have been because of the stress over her father's situation, and the fact that they were asking idiot questions, but still. It actually sounds like her in-game... I need to compare how she talks after the War with his story, so I can see if he also acurately portrais her persona when she is not so extremely stressed out...

I asked myself what a rude girl who tried to behave older than she really was would act like, and wrote the dialogue based on that fact. Demo is about to turn 16 in my story, but I purposely try to draw her as looking at least 19 years old. By the way, prepare for gloom...


quote:

The Heart... metaphorical reference to the Malachite, or do they not know that it is the Malachite? It's been turned into a myth, so facts could be blurry..

A reference to the Malachite itself. The people think the Malachite was in Pandora's body, where a heart should be.


quote:

Interesting conversation you had with the Diva... You personify them more than the game does. I like that. Your story is really starting to shape up at this point (not that it wasn't good before, but it's really starting to get interesting when the War is talked about), and I am starting to like it even more than I already did... I hope I get more chances to read it.. or rather, have the whim to do so more...

I think even one-shot characters should be fleshed out well enough to be missed, or make an impact in their stories.


quote:

Idk, the Killbots don't seem like Orangutans as much to me... The APBs look like gorillas, though. XD

... The Killbots don't seem too good at combat... XD

Your opinion. The killbots are quite weak ingame, and I mean the actual ones in the park.
Post #: 42
12/23/2011 11:32:20   
Drakkoniss
Creative!
Constructive!


Well, I'll be darned, you're right.. just an extremly androgenous female... I blame the armor... It explains the tatoo and the use of the purplish/pink sword and eye color... I thought "he" was just effeminate. XD

Yeah, I was assuming they were in their night clothes, actually, it's just that I wasn't sure, and in-game, the final confrontation happens in the middle of the day.

Well, they are sortof shaped similar to those of cats, but I was assuming you meant on the pupils, and I believe the staff did that just to make her seem more feminine.

Nano-swimsuit... interesting... the prefix would imply it being small, but he obviously means that it seems to have high technological functions, his guess specifically involving nano-bots.. Hmm...

Well obviously gloom... Good frigging looses the war.. And it looks like we are going to lose the third in a row... God help us.

About to turn 16... That does seem arround the correct age, although it could be anywhere from the late teens to mid 20s, to be fair. Hard to say, but the agreement in the forumite community is apparently about that age, so meh.

That's odd... Personally, I thought the malachite was one of the gems on her crown that are shown on he actual statue...

I agree. Even people that just make cameos need to seem like real people... plus, I expect you to have the lead diva be destroyed in the fighting, or at least extremly maimed, and pitiful to look upon while still being in the last stages of the war, so that build up emotional attachment, which is good.

You are very correct. The killbots are nopt very powerful in-game. That is why I did not actually object to you having them like that in your story.

Dangit... frigging internet explorer just decided to not respond when I posted an edit, and I lost all the commentary. T_T


< Message edited by Drakkoniss -- 12/23/2011 14:26:17 >
DF  Post #: 43
12/23/2011 22:30:35   
Crystal Lion
Member
 

quote:

Nano-swimsuit... interesting... the prefix would imply it being small, but he obviously means that it seems to have high technological functions, his guess specifically involving nano-bots.. Hmm...

Exactly, he meant nano as in technological, due to the glowing marks.


quote:

Well obviously gloom... Good frigging looses the war.. And it looks like we are going to lose the third in a row... God help us.

I know... I have the feeling that the playerbase is making this game biased towards evil, much like how MechQuest has become biased towards WolfBlade.

To be honest, first I felt furious with Demo for not even saying what she wanted the malachite for, then I felt sorry for her when she mentioned her dad, but I was still wary.


quote:

About to turn 16... That does seem arround the correct age, although it could be anywhere from the late teens to mid 20s, to be fair. Hard to say, but the agreement in the forumite community is apparently about that age, so meh.

She's probably younger than 20, since Luigi claims that she's just a teenager. I think we can agree she has a mature figure for her age.

I asked my lecture mates what they thought of a 16-year-old crime fighter in a leotard and executioner's balaclava. Practically everyone thought it was inappropriate for her age.


quote:

I agree. Even people that just make cameos need to seem like real people... plus, I expect you to have the lead diva be destroyed in the fighting, or at least extremly maimed, and pitiful to look upon while still being in the last stages of the war, so that build up emotional attachment, which is good.

The lead Diva was hit so badly that she can't get up, and well, underwent a robotic death.
Post #: 44
1/5/2012 15:22:21   
Clown the Jester
Member

I like the overall mood and feel of Trader town that you have depicted.

One of my favorite aspects of your stories is how you take already known villains and characters and give them a 3rd dimension.


Like the blademaster's empire over tradertown and the conditions that the town suffers.


Other parts that resemble the quests we did in the game but with a new quality and aspect that give what we did in the game a real meaning.


Heh heh.

Excelent story and enjoy the balance between action, comedy, and emotion.


Can't wait for more.


AQW Epic  Post #: 45
1/6/2012 7:44:39   
Crystal Lion
Member
 

Thanks, Clown. Sometimes, I think the characters have more of their story to tell than what can be shown ingame, so I write based on that idea.
Post #: 46
2/6/2012 10:16:55   
Vector
Member
 

basically i agree with clown on that. though i can't help but smile alot at the moments between atroxia and mo... :)
of course you should know why i like those moments, crystal lion! XD
Post #: 47
2/7/2012 13:25:55   
Drakkoniss
Creative!
Constructive!


Well, I think I might read this little whatchamacallit this morning. Might serve for some interesting entertainment, my friend.

Firstly, I would like to note that I both liked and found funny the fact that DaVinci's tank was destroyed so easily. I did find it a bit odd, because I thought it would've been a bit longer of a fight, but meh.

I wondered when Herakaris would show up... Singing powers are rare. I like the creativity of it. I actually have sound manipulation myself, which helps for disguises and other stealthy efforts, and stems from my ability to control radiation. XP

O.o Staff... wonder how well she knows how to actually weild one, though. *raises eyebrow*

Dog, he says? Makes me wonder what he is referencing, and how he knows of it. Also makes me wonder why he doesn't reference me, Antares, and another hero (I am pretty sure the people in the sky are villains, or at least that's what I believe atm), fighting off another horde of Killbots away from Demo at the other end of the park...

LATIN, I SAY!!! Cans't thou sayest, "Oof, how'd we all get hit at once...?"

*ponders about DaVinci believing that wars are won by intentions alone, or saying as much* Hmm... I don't think so.

Why not the birds as well, while you're at it, hmm? O.e

Bright green? But regardless of that, as it is understandable, I personally doubt he was doing anything other than attempting to appear charismatic while... teasing her at the same time, and actually has no interest in her. Attempting to make the victory all the more rubbed in her face, by speaking of her as if she were his, implying that she was less than him in power, and referencing his age... but gah, I'm describing that horribly. Anyway, I doubt it was anything more than a taunt to make him seem in control, and it seem as if she were some insignificant trifle.

Teal? Also, you know what I find weird in-game? In different screens, they make the statue of Pandora seem to be different sizes. The one where DaVinci is firing his energy weapon at the statue makes it seem quite a bit smaller than it seems when you are actually in one of the screens in the park itself, for example.

Aye, DaVinci has quite the golden tounge. Reminds me of myself and the Dealer. I can be quite good at convincing people of things when I want to be. Doesn't work all the time, because some people are stubborn fools, but regardless.

You know what I find interesting? You two still interact with us in our timeline, even though DaVinci actually didn't get the Heart/Malachite in ours. Experimental does the same with the fact that he has met Demolicious, and if I am not mistaken, she was shown to be dead in someone's fanfic to the side of C&T... I mean, we could discount that, and I don't remember whose it was, but DaVinci actually getting the Malachite is a big leap from the storyline... and according to what I've seen from Experimental, he seems to have writen it as if DaVinci did, too, in the Death Games, if I remember correctly. This makes me think that DaVinci may have aquired either a fake Malachite, or that it was actually stolen afterwords, which I doubt, because the park war would have been over at the time that it seemed to be still going on in C&T. Because of this, I think DaVinci may have aquired a shard of the Malachite during the chaos, meaning that only a portion of it was stolen and given to Clown the Jester, which would be quite interesting, indeed... He'd have had to have done it just before the Chaos Riots reached the Park, so that the fighting of the Killbots and things still would have been going on, leaving the heroes and villains that were there to still be there to get drawn into it. That being said, it would've had to have been quite precise timing, and there must have been an incintive to split the Malachite, but still...

I am going to guess that would be Demolicious that was leaving the trail of blood, no?

I get a bad impression from their mother. I can understand her being overprotective, but it annoys me, the way her personality is. It's a deep emotion, hard to pinpoint precisely, but still, you get my point. I don't need to go into detail.

I fooled around too much in that war. :/ Yes, I destroyed thousands, but I could've done more, and by the end of it, my activity was slowing.... *sigh* I hate that war. Talked too much. Forgot to turn in the war waves too often... I know there might have been a million or more of them fielded, and I played a large part in stopping it from going too badly, but I am ashamed I didn't do more, and disappointed that I wasn't able to do as much as Antares, who seems to have been the most active in the war efforts. :(

That line about war in the end was not entirely true... but meh. I won't get into details about war not always having a clear winner.

I agree there should probably be or have been an effort to invade Skull Deep and steal it back. It wouldn't have been that difficult. All that would need to be done is to get advanced information concerning where it is, and then have most of the heroes distract the villains while a select group of the greatest fighters breaks through to the location and swiftly escapes, but there would be too heavy of casualties... Honestly, it would be best if a single person goes in there and steals it in a covert opperation. Someone who can go invisible or teleport... or both.

Hmm... I am starting to get confused at the Artisa/Isabella bit... If Antares knows it is Artisa, and the public almost certainly knows who the Lions are, why call her Isabella at all, ever? I was assuming that was supposed to be a super hero name/disguise bid, but considering, I find it odd in general.

... You'd think Antares would know some smasher who specialized in healing... Blackshock would've been a good choice, at the time. Others would've sufficed, though. For example, the nurse/medic person at the power academy is supposed to be an expert on such things. Other than her, there are plenty of Smashers who have healing powers, at least to some extent. *shrugs* Meh.

O.o Teleportation...

That was 10 minute? o_o

Wheeee.... flashy lighty thing.

Talk of the devil, eh? Usually "speak of the devil", but ah well.

Hehe... badly wrapped leg. Oh, the incompetance implied...

Not even a single medic left at the home base in case of emergencies? I blame management. Wish I had more strategic control of the heroes. :/

They didn't even keep it clean? O_e Oh, the horror...

Oath of silence and blindness? That's... odd.

... Interesting customs and ideals, you depict Demo as having. Going to have to stop commenting, shortly.

Indeed, that DOES sound like chemo... And yes, she did hit her head, but regardless of that, you implemented that chapter pretty well... gotta stop commenting now; School, and all, but nice reading again.
DF  Post #: 48
2/7/2012 21:07:06   
Crystal Lion
Member
 

quote:

O.o Staff... wonder how well she knows how to actually weild one, though. *raises eyebrow*

She knows how to hit things with it, at least.


quote:

Bright green? But regardless of that, as it is understandable, I personally doubt he was doing anything other than attempting to appear charismatic while... teasing her at the same time, and actually has no interest in her. Attempting to make the victory all the more rubbed in her face, by speaking of her as if she were his, implying that she was less than him in power, and referencing his age... but gah, I'm describing that horribly. Anyway, I doubt it was anything more than a taunt to make him seem in control, and it seem as if she were some insignificant trifle.

A cartoonish representation of disgust. The 'mia bella' part is supposed to give you shivers, or feeling creeped out. I felt grossed out when I thought of what Luigi calling Demo his 'mia bella' implied, even if it's just to make fun of her.


quote:

I get a bad impression from their mother. I can understand her being overprotective, but it annoys me, the way her personality is. It's a deep emotion, hard to pinpoint precisely, but still, you get my point. I don't need to go into detail.

Ami's supposed to be an overbearing mother.


quote:

I am going to guess that would be Demolicious that was leaving the trail of blood, no?

You were very right. It was her.


quote:

I fooled around too much in that war. :/ Yes, I destroyed thousands, but I could've done more, and by the end of it, my activity was slowing.... *sigh* I hate that war. Talked too much. Forgot to turn in the war waves too often... I know there might have been a million or more of them fielded, and I played a large part in stopping it from going too badly, but I am ashamed I didn't do more, and disappointed that I wasn't able to do as much as Antares, who seems to have been the most active in the war efforts. :(

Blame the glitch early on in the alpha? There was a bug that allowed infinite turn-ins for the villains...


quote:

Hmm... I am starting to get confused at the Artisa/Isabella bit... If Antares knows it is Artisa, and the public almost certainly knows who the Lions are, why call her Isabella at all, ever? I was assuming that was supposed to be a super hero name/disguise bid, but considering, I find it odd in general.

Isabel is just Artisa's nickname.


quote:

... You'd think Antares would know some smasher who specialized in healing... Blackshock would've been a good choice, at the time. Others would've sufficed, though. For example, the nurse/medic person at the power academy is supposed to be an expert on such things. Other than her, there are plenty of Smashers who have healing powers, at least to some extent. *shrugs* Meh.

Antares thought that nobody would want to help Demo because: 1) They were busy clearing up the park. 2) They were all cross at the purple wrecker.


quote:

Hehe... badly wrapped leg. Oh, the incompetance implied...

Not even a single medic left at the home base in case of emergencies? I blame management. Wish I had more strategic control of the heroes. :/

They didn't even keep it clean? O_e Oh, the horror...

Antares is crummy at first aid, that's what I wanted to imply. There wasn't much manpower up in HeroSpire, and Antares thought she'd wrap up Demo's leg, and then call a medic in the early morning. She should've washed the wound out first, at least...


quote:

Oath of silence and blindness? That's... odd.

Demo didn't have to take that oath, but she chose to.
Post #: 49
2/8/2012 12:11:08   
Drakkoniss
Creative!
Constructive!


Ah, the classic use of sticks to whack things. The reason I was questioning her level of skill has to do with the shield, though, as staffs are usually 2=handed weapons, and it would require skill and coordination in the use of one to adequately weild such a combo, though significantly less so if it was a short one. In that case, it leaves you wondering why not some other blunt weapon, but meh. I have a possitive bias when it comes to one handed staff using, because of playing Too Human.

And yes, I realized what you meant about the bright green thing, which is why I added the "because it is understandable" bit afterwords.

Too be fair, I also had the fact that I have seen some of your pictures before to help with the Demolicious conclusion. ^-^

Yes, I realize she's supposed to be one, but there is just some overly-abrasive bit about her personality and views that disagrees with me at my core.

Oh, yes, I very well know about that accursed thing, which made quite a few pseudo-blashpemic rank 10 good AND evil lv. 30 or so hypocrites. A man can still have guilt, can't he? Regardless of that, that's even part of the reason there are so many villains. The fact that the villains won, and have had so much support, has caused an annoying loop of increased activity on their side because of some people who just joined them because they were more powerful at the time, or because AE decided to make the heroic NPC quite a bit charismatic than the villainous one, who as you stated in the story might not have had a brother at all. Even without thinking of that possibility, what did they think he was going to do afterwords? He had such poor views of the people fighting for him, as if they were nuisances of little importance compared to himself that he would make a horrible prospective dictator in the event of a world domination attempt, which is obvious will come. I blame the fact that many if not most of the players are immature and only join evil because they ridiculously think that stealing from people, killing police officers because they support your enemies, randomly slaughtering with no reason, and acting like an arrogant prick while doing it is frigging cool. Yes, I have deep-seated distaste for such things, and a lack of hope in the upcoming elections when compared to what I should have, because I know that the media has not been covering Obama's numerous mistakes, attributes things that were not his idea, and that he fought to prevent to occur to him personally, that there is so much frigging support of the guy, even though he made the recession worse, and has driven our debt up more each year than Bush did in his worst, and that the public can't see through his REPEATED AND CONSTANT LIES in the State of the Union Adresses he has constantly made.

Good to know on the Isabel thing, though.

I wasn't as angry at her as everyone else. :/

Yes, she very well should have washed it before wrapping, because that could easily have led to infection, and that can happen rapidly, unfortunately.
DF  Post #: 50
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