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(DF) Gavon Felarian: A Biography

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7/7/2011 11:11:31   
3 Vandoren
Member

Comments go here.
I gladly accept all of your criticism.
Here is the link to the story: BAM!
Thank you!

Added the (DF) tag to your title. ~Helixi

< Message edited by Helixi -- 7/18/2012 11:10:11 >

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Post #: 1
7/7/2011 13:04:11   
Raucheisen
Member

Wow....after reading this epic saga artful crafted by a obvious future novelist, Necro Berserk it truly understood how his inner alter ego felt and acted.
With its accelerated rhythm, relentless flow of action, drama and pure raw emotion it really touched my heart ....the way Gavon Felarian went to end evil and what he went to just to try it what he sacrificed to do it....just purely amazing an outstanding story for any fan of any AE games or who enjoy good fiction, I'm hoping theirs a part two untell than, eagerly awaiting...
soulhunter111
AQ DF AQW Epic  Post #: 2
7/7/2011 13:06:25   
3 Vandoren
Member

Thank you, Hunter!
Have you already read all of it?
(Because, that's a lot!)
I really do appreciate your comment!
Thank you!
Post #: 3
7/7/2011 17:06:29   
Crucifixio
Member

I like it , the way you express things , but just some things... try not to use the same words over and over again , any other word that can relate to that one will make the reader be more interested, and inmerse yourself in the story , remember, this is your alter ego , so when you write about it , try to think , try to feel as if you where in that moment there, could make even more lively and amazing the story :P
AQ  Post #: 4
7/7/2011 17:06:37   
bsteiny16
Member

Nice job Necro. And I'm in it! :D
AQ DF  Post #: 5
7/7/2011 17:10:56   
3 Vandoren
Member

Here ya' go guys!

Vae'njaece = D1F3Forum.
(He actually runs the Chaos Weaver Nation, it's a clan, go check it out.)
Nesanel = bsteiny16
(My personal advisor, and friend.)
Soon to come
????? = Crucifixio
(Watch out for this one, he's coming soon... Very soon...)
Post #: 6
7/7/2011 18:11:47   
bsteiny16
Member

Awesome.

I'll PM you some stuff.

< Message edited by bsteiny16 -- 7/7/2011 18:33:48 >

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AQ DF  Post #: 7
7/7/2011 18:15:31   
3 Vandoren
Member

OK, then.

< Message edited by Necro Berserk -- 7/7/2011 18:34:55 >
Post #: 8
7/7/2011 18:23:36   
bsteiny16
Member

Edited the post. I'm eating dinner, and will get back to you in the next 10 minutes.

Edit: How's that? #2

< Message edited by bsteiny16 -- 7/7/2011 18:34:03 >
AQ DF  Post #: 9
7/7/2011 18:37:08   
bsteiny16
Member

Okay......

< Message edited by bsteiny16 -- 7/7/2011 19:32:10 >
AQ DF  Post #: 10
7/7/2011 19:00:03   
3 Vandoren
Member

New post is up!
Cliff hangers!
Post #: 11
7/7/2011 19:02:16   
bsteiny16
Member

Great so far. Okay, so could you give everybody a hint of the next part of the story? I NEED to tell someone about this. It's killing me!!!!!!!

< Message edited by bsteiny16 -- 7/7/2011 19:07:13 >
AQ DF  Post #: 12
7/7/2011 19:09:18   
3 Vandoren
Member

Absolutely not.
No hints.
Only cliff hangers.
They shall find it out...


< Message edited by Necro Berserk -- 7/7/2011 19:21:59 >
Post #: 13
7/7/2011 19:12:42   
bsteiny16
Member

Found a mistake. You put that my character had both his weapons on his right side of him in the beginning of the story when I'm introduced. Maybe you should change that.

< Message edited by bsteiny16 -- 7/7/2011 22:20:02 >
AQ DF  Post #: 14
7/8/2011 1:06:38   
D1F3Forum
Member

@Necro:
U made me soo happy!!!!
I can't believ u actually included Spyte!!!
Anyway, I love how this story is coing along. My only suggestions r make sure u correct the errors in grammar and use more words and words in the correct place...

I'm guessing this might be the part that a certain "V" man comes into play???
I guess ill just have to wait and see though...

_____________________________
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 15
7/8/2011 9:33:19   
3 Vandoren
Member

OH, NO!
I forgot...
While you where saying:
"Are you still doing that 'Muahahahhaaa!!!!' thing?"
And then I said that I was?
I wasn't.
Hmmmm.....
I might have to edit some stuff...

Came up with an easy fix.
Re-read the entire latest post.
Might leave me a little in the bad graces of the Chaos Weavers.
But whatever, what do I care about them?

You may not be able to quite figure out what had happened, because I didn't describe it well.
But here:
spoiler:

Gavon blew up the gate, the one separating the CW Nation, and Ravenloss.

I know it's is a little hard to figure out, but a came up with it on the spot so...

< Message edited by Necro Berserk -- 7/8/2011 9:54:16 >
Post #: 16
7/8/2011 9:59:16   
3 Vandoren
Member

There is no delete button so I must settle with editing it to this.


< Message edited by Necro Berserk -- 7/8/2011 10:27:13 >
Post #: 17
7/8/2011 11:04:11   
extreme wizard
Member

It's really, really good. But is Gaven still blind? If not, when did he get healed? I don't think you said that in the story.
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 18
7/8/2011 11:09:56   
3 Vandoren
Member

The blinding was only a temporary thing.
(Yes it is possible.)
He was only blinded for a duration, because of the high amount of light.
He recovered in, umm...
Oh, yah, during that last bed rest there...
I guess I will edit it, making it more clear...

I fixed it.

< Message edited by Necro Berserk -- 7/8/2011 11:12:05 >
Post #: 19
7/8/2011 11:14:28   
extreme wizard
Member

Ah, ok. Temporary blindess makes sense since he had been without light for so long.
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 20
7/8/2011 12:07:07   
D1F3Forum
Member

I still like the story, but when Gavon says, "Thank you, Vaal..." it's rly random and confusing. No one would normally think anything of it without Vae'n explaining that they r holding off Vaal. And u never rly see that Gavon has met Vaal so it comes out of no where. The whole last section confused me...

Why is there this random kid?

Why aren't Spyte and Nesanel helping and r they even there?

What going on in the Nation?

All these things except maybe the last one need to be answered...especially the 2nd one...

Still a good story, but it could be better...

Edit: nvm...I guess I didn't read it well...it still seems maybe a little rushed...

< Message edited by D1F3Forum -- 7/8/2011 12:16:26 >
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 21
7/8/2011 12:24:49   
3 Vandoren
Member

I was a little rushed, I am sorry about that.
Sometimes little things happen, out of the story text.
You kind of have to piece it together yourself.
Sorry about that.

< Message edited by Necro Berserk -- 7/8/2011 12:37:56 >
Post #: 22
7/8/2011 13:14:49   
3 Vandoren
Member

A new post is up!
Check it out!
Post #: 23
7/8/2011 15:12:55   
bsteiny16
Member

Woohooo!

I finally get my axe in the story!
AQ DF  Post #: 24
7/8/2011 18:27:31   
3 Vandoren
Member

It's up!
*Raises hands*
Check out the newest post!
What could the rumbling be?
The people who pay attention know.
Post #: 25
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