Goldstein
Member
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Well, I'm sorry to see the story go, but may I make a helpful suggestion? Your story was so fast-paced and frenetic, to translate it to a TV show, it's be a series of images each appearing for a few seconds, then replaced by a new one. Take it at a slower pace. Flesh out characters, describe them and the settings, and put spaces between each new paragraph. Don't tell, show. Instead of saying that the monster was big, say instead that it took up the whole room. Maybe you could revise your current story, or start a new one?
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