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RE: (HS) Unexpected Circumstances Discussion

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10/19/2011 14:14:52   
Vector
Member
 

 i don't suppose the sushi had a part in that...? :P i lol'd hard.
EDIT: decided to write the story in 1st person rather than the one i used for the last story... we'll see how that goes
EDIT2: i'm stuck. the main character needs to teach a criminal a lesson his own way, but i'm not sure if the method (which is brief and hardly cruel, but hurts quite a bit) would be too much for this story...or at least mentioning it by a slang term. if you feel brave enough and really wanna know, then ask, and i'll pm you.
remember, it's not detailed at all, but i don't know if using the slang term would be ok, or if i have to be even more deprived of details :\

< Message edited by Vector -- 10/19/2011 17:16:47 >
Post #: 26
10/19/2011 17:40:31   
Drakkoniss
Creative!
Constructive!


 Eh, I could give mch darker suggestions than either of those, but meh, I won't even bother for the moment...

I am contemplating your story, and am excited to see how it goes ... hehe... But anywho, good luck, and may your story be good... OR ELSE!!!!!!!!

lol j/k
DF  Post #: 27
10/19/2011 18:03:41   
Celestin123
Member

Yeah, I feel that I too could give much darker suggestions than the other two...
Especially with David's, after all most, if not all, of the forumites' have already had their lives ripped
away from them.....

Anyways, I find the prologue interesting.
I wonder what type of person this story's protaganist is/will be...

I also find it humorous how he considered the War's instigator(Death) a fruit loop...makes me think he might be British.
Or atleast European.

I really am interested in seeing how this story turns out...
AQ  Post #: 28
10/19/2011 19:12:43   
Vector
Member
 

 bah, i'm just being over-cautious, that's all.
still, if you want it, lemme know
Post #: 29
10/19/2011 22:13:56   
Goldstein
Member

First person? Me likey.
Post #: 30
10/20/2011 19:47:45   
Drakkoniss
Creative!
Constructive!


 *sirens go off* NEW CHAPTER ALERT, NEW CHAPTER ALERT!

*trumpets announce the begining of my commentary*

Hmm... Coveting... Fortune cookies are actually correct sometimes?

You'd think the courts would eventually get wind of that and imprison him without a possibility of bail...

I assume the Russian adjective refers to their reputation for violence...

Hmm... feline characteristics... That leaves quite a few things it could be...

The purple could easily have been bruising. I wonder if that is what it truly is, and whether or not it is actually a fur color...

I am wondering if her presence was a result of the fact the Aquations have begun to improve their relationships with humans, and she thought they might be more tolerant of other different humanoids as well, or if she has those traits as the result of a super power, whether her own, or anothers (there's the possibility she was transmuted into that form, whether or not she consented to it)...

I wonder if he happens to bring her to a certain Doctor Goldstein... Yep.

Nice to note he's actually working at a medical facility now, which means he probably has a medical license... then again, he may never have lost his in that continuity, which would place his personality in a slightly different spectrum...

THE PINK!!!! IT BURNS MY MIND!!!!!!!

Makes me wonder if she knows english, her not speaking does. Could be the vocal chords not being compatible with human speech paterns, or it could also be that she is so bruised up she couldn't, whether from the damage or the possible fact that she is in shock...

Eh, she very well could be delirious or could have formed an abnormal emotional bond with you due to the fact YOU SAVED HER LIFE!!!

The much less keep you by their side bit is gramatically incorrect... Just saying. I had trouble initially deducing whether you just forgot to add "don't" before expect in Strebbor's speach, or if you just messed that sentence up gramatically... I am guessing the second of the two with Strebor's personality in mind.

Oh, and you switched to plural later in the dialogue when you were refering to one cat person.

Yes, at least he thought ahead and brought gurney... This makes me wonder if he brought an ambulance, or why he didn't, if not.

What about love, eh? Question mark, question mark, question mark.

Oh, and in the sentence involving Strebor bringing the gurney to you, it started in past tense, and ended in present...

Yes, I think it's wise you let the medical expert handle grabbing the lower area of her body which happens to seem to have at least one broken bone.
DF  Post #: 31
10/20/2011 20:23:45   
Vector
Member
 

 @drakkoniss: aside from the discussion we had in the game, there's more pointers i wanna talk about:

quote:

Oh, and you switched to plural later in the dialogue when you were refering to one cat person.


that was used because strebor doesn't know her gender. even we do that sometimes (took a while to figure out what you were talking about... ^^;)

quote:

Yes, I think it's wise you let the medical expert handle grabbing the lower area of her body which happens to seem to have at least one broken bone.


hey, better safe than sorry

quote:

This makes me wonder if he brought an ambulance, or why he didn't, if not.


no emergency, no siren, but he still brought ambulance

quote:

I am wondering if her presence was a result of the fact the Aquations have begun to improve their relationships with humans, and she thought they might be more tolerant of other different humanoids as well


that was it. especially since she seems to have trouble of her own due to the gloves that are an off-shoot of the dark vengeance gloves. the purpose for them will be revealed later
Post #: 32
10/20/2011 21:48:04   
Goldstein
Member

Well, who'd have guessed Strebor failed his osteology course? Do ho ho ho ho!

Anyway, aside from some small grammatical errors, everything looks good. Is this in Liberty City of is Strebor working in neighboring Super City now?
Post #: 33
10/20/2011 21:54:29   
Vector
Member
 

 he's in super city now.
1st person perspective is rather new to me, so... maybe i should just stick with what i did in the last story until i get better at it :/
EDIT: you think the main character would be better at it? XD nah, i'd say strebor just had a little lapse, is all

< Message edited by Vector -- 10/20/2011 21:58:45 >
Post #: 34
10/21/2011 1:06:18   
Shadowlord9k
Member

THERE ARE NO BRAKES ON THE COMMENTARY TRAIN!
---
So his "long awaited desire" Was a anthropomorphic cat? Unless the cookie was speaking of something else...

quote:

reliable russian gas pedal.
I have heard that German gas pedals were superior but eh. (that was a joke)

quote:

Let's see you try and fight someone who can fight back next time, eh?
I was going to say that cats have sharp claws and teeth but the gloves eliminate the claws and I am unsure how the teeth would be affected seeing as it has human traits.

quote:

ceremonial garb of some type, and nearly everything about this... 'cat person', including the skin but not the 'gloves', (or whatever they were) was purple-ish.

I am guessing either:
Abomination of science
Aquatian...influence. possibly some form of child?
Or a member of Royalty from a Cat-Like race.

quote:


"Ho ho, I'm surprised none of them actually asked you out on a date with all of the aquatians you've helped all this time, Joe."

I am not a expert on fish-human hybrid culture but based on...sources that would be taboo and physically impossible. Also the name Joe... Ever hear of "Joe's Crab Shack" or was the name intentional? 

quote:

Beleen's Beauty Boutique? You'd have to be nearly blind to miss all that pink she shows off so extravagantly.

Or have filtered sunglasses or something.

quote:

"More or less, but I get the feeling that this mix of a cat and a person is starting to get... attached to me."
Well since you just saved it's life is that really surprising?

I do hope you do not write this in a similar frame to your previous story. Not that your previous story was bad it's just that the premise does not seem as fitting.

Drakkoniss:
A cat's skin is not its fur, and unless it was of a rare hairless breed one would probably not be able to see the skin. Since purple is not a known skin or fur color I am going to say a dye of some kind, possibly for the same reason as the ceremonial garb.

quote:

Makes me wonder if she knows english, her not speaking does. Could be the vocal chords not being compatible with human speech paterns, or it could also be that she is so bruised up she couldn't, whether from the damage or the possible fact that she is in shock...

Or if hearing a tone of voice that did not sound threatening calm the catbeing down. Similar to how yelling at a pet would cause it to whimper and cower, but a more polite tone makes them happy. Oh and nice way to automatically assume a female gender.

Vector:
quote:

that was it. especially since she seems to have trouble of her own due to the gloves that are an off-shoot of the dark vengeance gloves. the purpose for them will be revealed later

Let me guess, the gloves are probably somehow tied to the creature's form.

Wouldn't take it to a veterinarian be better then taking it to a doctor? I mean a vet should be able to tell the gender.
AQ DF AQW Epic  Post #: 35
10/21/2011 16:29:52   
Vector
Member
 
quote:

I have heard that German gas pedals were superior but eh. (that was a joke)


yeah, but i've used the russian ones for years... hence the term reliable :P (joking reply)

quote:

I was going to say that cats have sharp claws and teeth but the gloves eliminate the claws and I am unsure how the teeth would be affected seeing as it has human traits.


either way, the poor thing would be in such a bad shock where it would be technically paralyzed, so any self defense is out of the question.

quote:

I am guessing either:
Abomination of science
Aquatian...influence. possibly some form of child?
Or a member of Royalty from a Cat-Like race.


bolded answer is right. the game itself doesn't give much royal options though, so i had to be creative :\ but when am i not? :P

quote:

Also the name Joe... Ever hear of "Joe's Crab Shack" or was the name intentional?


holy swiss cheese, no i haven't actually. ^^; kinda wanted a common, average or generic name and Joe was at the top of me head... meh.

quote:

Oh and nice way to automatically assume a female gender.


he's seen the char page. that was probably why

quote:

I do hope you do not write this in a similar frame to your previous story. Not that your previous story was bad it's just that the premise does not seem as fitting.


eh wot? you mean you don't want more of the same?

quote:

Let me guess, the gloves are probably somehow tied to the creature's form.


more or less. like i said, i'll say why and how later.

quote:

Wouldn't take it to a veterinarian be better then taking it to a doctor? I mean a vet should be able to tell the gender.


the doctor (strebor in this case) is there to treat the injuries. i was actually planning for a visit to the vet, but i'm not sure if she might think she'll get 'fixed' considering that... eh, never mind.
Post #: 36
10/21/2011 18:12:20   
Goldstein
Member

Remember, always spay and neuter your pets! Don't put it above Strebor, he'd like to study this thing, not try and teach it English. And the first thing he'd do is put it under anesthesia and poke around the chest cavity with a scalpel. Nothing lethal, of course.
Post #: 37
10/21/2011 18:35:25   
Drakkoniss
Creative!
Constructive!


 You know, it could have been talking about true love, or the fortune cookie could have been bunk, as most of them are. XD
Oh, and many people want cat girls. It wouldn't be that strange, considering.

The shock would only set in after the initial trauma, but regardless, I see no point in arguing considering whatever self defense she put up was obviously unsatisfactory if she did (not meaning to sound harsh; XD).

You know, Ceremonial seeming garb to you could be everyday wear for them. I do in fact think she is most likely of an entirely different species. I'd still give the royalty (or at least of a high ranking/important status in their culture) bit a relatively high likelihood. *notices Vector indicated that the royalty bit was accurate* Seems that the most likely answer (from a storyline point of view, not what would be most likely irl) turned out to be correct. Congradulations, you were correct.

I would say I would be willing to invest in filtered sunglasses, but they'd be of no use, considering my abilityy to see doesn't have anything to do with my eyes...

Yes I know a cat's skin is not the same as its fur. *facepalm* I was puting out suggestions for what the purpleness could be, and considering the fact that we don't know if it actually has fur, I consider the commentary to be valid and plausible. I do notice, though that it is said to have skin showing, and that is purple, however it could be that the fur is short. Obviously, it may have no fur at all, or the fur could only be in select spots, but I have decided to give it the benefit of the doubt, considering I am not sure, based on the story so far.

I assumed the female gender do to knowledge of the way the storyline was going to go. I also have intuition. I did not see the character page as Vector thought.

Oh, and the veteranarian bit would have had just about the same odds of working as shooting at a target blind. Strebor would have the same chance of making the correct medical conditions (no offence), due to the fact that she is an alien, and thus there is a good chance many aspects of her biology will be different than that of a human. The comparison earlier is probably an exageration considering most authors have aliens have remarkably similar biological functions to humans, even though that is unlikely. I BLAME YOU, STAR TREK!!!!!

I find your comment on her possibly getting fixxed at the vet to be strange... very strange indeed.
DF  Post #: 38
10/21/2011 18:38:58   
Vector
Member
 

 dont think that'll be a cakewalk, goldstein. the only person it trusts at the moment is the main character, so i seriously doubt either the creature or the main character would let that happen so quickly >:|

@Drakkoniss:
quote:

I assumed the female gender do to knowledge of the way the storyline was going to go. I also have intuition. I did not see the character page as Vector thought.


well, you certainly blew me out of the water.

quote:

I would say I would be willing to invest in filtered sunglasses, but they'd be of no use, considering my abilityy to see doesn't have anything to do with my eyes...


the glasses! THEY DO NOTHING!! sorry, couldn't resist it XD

quote:

Oh, and the veteranarian bit would have had just about the same odds of working as shooting at a target blind. Strebor would have the same chance of making the correct medical conditions (no offence), due to the fact that she is an alien, and thus there is a good chance many aspects of her biology will be different than that of a human. The comparison earlier is probably an exageration considering most authors have aliens have remarkably similar biological functions to humans, even though that is unlikely. I BLAME YOU, STAR TREK!!!!!


almost every sci-fi that has aliens puts them as humanoid. almost.

< Message edited by Vector -- 10/21/2011 18:47:12 >
Post #: 39
10/21/2011 18:46:09   
Drakkoniss
Creative!
Constructive!


 Well ,that seems relatively unproffesional... ALSO, I find the always spaying and neutering your pets bit ridiculous. If everyone did that, domestic cats and dogs would go extinct in captivity. Also, even with the feral dogs biologically the same, I'd say it's iffy as to whether I'd use the label "domesticated" on them. But aaaanywho... Yep, very unproffesional, and if you tried to spay her, you could very well be commiting high treason against their govornment, and possibly cuasing them to declare war on humanity.

I meant organ-wise, not just the intelligence capacity and the upright, bipedal body type of humans. Even if they look very similar, they should not, for example, have endocrine glands, unless of course humans and aliens canonically either originally were from the same planet/were created by the same thing/person/race as each other.

Nice glasses reference. XP

Oh, and thank you, I try. (I am refering to the blowing out of the water part; lol)

Eh, I don't regret my humanity, because that means I have greater intelligence than animals, along with the fact that I know that humanity as a whole is not uniform, and the flaws of it can be overcome.
Also for religious reasons.

Good to know on the forum names tidbit...

< Message edited by Drakkoniss -- 10/21/2011 18:55:41 >
DF  Post #: 40
10/21/2011 18:52:45   
Vector
Member
 
quote:

Yep, very unproffesional, and if you tried to spay her, you could very well be commiting high treason against their govornment, and possibly cuasing them to declare war on humanity.


sometimes i kinda regret my humanity, seeing as we can be so rash at times... :/ (note: forum account made long before HS. fun fact: my forum name was my very first AQ char name, till i switched it a few times )

EDIT: *looks up* .... -_- oh well... i was half expecting someone else to comment but... meh.

< Message edited by Vector -- 10/21/2011 19:04:04 >
Post #: 41
10/21/2011 18:57:52   
Drakkoniss
Creative!
Constructive!


 Oh yes, and if you are going back to the thread and viewing it based on posts, I would like you to note I edited my earlier one instead of creating a new post as I am doing now.
DF  Post #: 42
10/24/2011 22:31:44   
Vector
Member
 

 ugh, i got some nasty writer's block here. at least the headache's (mostly) gone, but i'm bone dry out of ideas.
Post #: 43
10/25/2011 2:44:22   
Shadowlord9k
Member

I may be able to help with the ideas bit.
AQ DF AQW Epic  Post #: 44
10/25/2011 8:52:16   
Vector
Member
 

 @sl9k: ah, good, i'm gonna need some help with this one, but one thing first...

quote:

I do hope you do not write this in a similar frame to your previous story. Not that your previous story was bad it's just that the premise does not seem as fitting.


what do you mean by this? you think that this story needs a new theme compared to my other one?
Post #: 45
10/25/2011 15:14:00   
Shadowlord9k
Member

Vector: Exactly what I meant.
AQ DF AQW Epic  Post #: 46
10/25/2011 16:18:51   
Vector
Member
 

 k. just making sure, since it might have a few different ways to put it. i thought the same thing, actually.
i'm gonna try to make the conflict more peaceful, yet still be an annoying problem that has to be solved. makes sense, yes?
Post #: 47
10/26/2011 1:38:25   
Shadowlord9k
Member

Vector: Sounds good, if you need ideas let me know.
AQ DF AQW Epic  Post #: 48
10/26/2011 8:54:20   
Vector
Member
 

 i'm just having writer's block on the hospital part, really. the lack of ideas aren't the problem, it's how i want to write them, but you can still give ideas so i can at least compare between ours
Post #: 49
10/26/2011 15:26:16   
delta blitz
Member

@vector: writer's block you say? Oh yeah I get that sometimes when I need certain people to comment on my story and they don't which forces me to infer what their character is suppose to do and act. I can give you ideas too.
AQ AQW Epic  Post #: 50
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