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RE: (Pre-DF) Past Present Discussion

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7/18/2012 19:34:15   
Razen
Member

Long delayed, but I've finally gotten to this.

quote:

"You..." Vendagar made a feeble attempt to stand, but he he eventually made it.


He he? Heh heh, no. :P

quote:

Drahzn was seemingly protecting by his now nonexistant throne, which had absorbed the blast.


Protecting by? I don't get it.

Anyways, that fight scene was amazing.
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 251
7/18/2012 19:37:34   
Glais
Member

N?
Well, the throne blocked the blast and was disintegrated by it. I can rewrite it if need be, for clarity's sake.

And thank you, fights seem to be a strong point of mine so I'll try to keep making them fun and unique.
DF MQ  Post #: 252
7/18/2012 19:41:34   
Razen
Member

In that case, protecting needs to be changed to protected, as it isn't the current action of Drazhn's(Which is what was implied). Which would explain the confusion, due to mis-communication.

As for the "he he" there should only be one.
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 253
7/18/2012 20:50:12   
Mortarion
Member

Umm, Mortarion's village has cannibalistic rituals, but it's done scarcely and on people one trusts the most. I'll expand on it regarding my storie hopefully
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 254
7/18/2012 20:51:49   
Glais
Member

Oh it does? I didn't recall that, my mistake. Hm. They will need to tread lightly then, but that actually makes the plot more workable.

@Razen:Fixed mang.
DF MQ  Post #: 255
7/18/2012 21:22:18   
Mortarion
Member

I will try to be more loyal to DF's cannon aswell, so perhaps we coul still do a proper colla
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 256
7/18/2012 21:33:25   
Glais
Member

Perhaps, perhaps. Moreso what I need to launch Chapter 14 is details on the town itself while it's being founded. If they have a cannibalism problem though, that could explain why Zairo and Vendagar are sent there in the first place.
DF MQ  Post #: 257
7/18/2012 22:04:34   
lordkaho
Creative!


 From what I remember, Mortarion, your village is also near a volcano right? The place somehow reminds me of Haiti or any of the Atlantic/Caribbean islands.








DF MQ  Post #: 258
7/19/2012 3:45:48   
Glais
Member

That could be fun.

Chapter 3 Rewritten, I tried to work on my detail so...be sure to tell me if I succeeded.

Getting this chapter OUT though...was horrible. Stupid horrible internet connection that works yet outright stated "It recognizes the request but refuses to execute." What the heck is this?

Anyways, enjoy, and thank you all for reading.

< Message edited by glaisaurus_x -- 7/19/2012 3:47:48 >
DF MQ  Post #: 259
7/29/2012 20:08:37   
lordkaho
Creative!


 Sorry for the late comments. Got really busy with this event on an mmorpg I've been playing.

The first half really felt like I was watching an episode of "I shouldn't be alive" from Discovery. It was nice, can't wait how to see these two escape the mountain. Perhaps their Giant blood will help them overcome the harsh elements? And maybe even defeat that two bear that's after them.

By the way, is this the last we'll be seeing Ruoan?

DF MQ  Post #: 260
7/29/2012 20:17:12   
Glais
Member

No problem, no problem.

Yeah I tried hard to make that as utterly dismal as I possibly could.
Rouan will likely appear in the next section of chapter four. And, maybe, at a later point.

Also, gotta remember Ven is a normal human. So he doesn't really have the Gianty advantage Zairo does. He's just a lot smarter (though I intend to rewrite ch.4 a bit because...Zairo isn't an imbecile, he's just a little ditzy).
DF MQ  Post #: 261
7/29/2012 20:41:25   
lordkaho
Creative!


 Wait, Vendegar isn't a giant? I thought he also had white hair that signified that of giants?
DF MQ  Post #: 262
7/29/2012 20:56:44   
Glais
Member

I never actually confirmed what the White Hair meant.
spoiler:

Because I still haven't figured it out 100%
DF MQ  Post #: 263
7/30/2012 5:30:02   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L
quote:

Furthermore, starting a fire without all this snow around was going to be difficult, if it was even possible.


Don't you mean "with"?

quote:

Vendagar's yell and the pain that suddenly shot through his skull revealed to him that this was an unwise choice indeed.


Vendagar was shocked?

quote:

The beast currently chasing them was none other than what is now known as a "Two Bear."


Two-Bear".

quote:

The blasksmiths had been getting large amounts of work due to the war.


blacksmiths

quote:

were all necessary in times like this.


Correct me if I'm wrong, but shouldn't that be "in times like these"?

quote:

His grey mustache seemed to reflect years of wisdom behind his glassy green eyes, however that is possible.


What are you trying to say here?

quote:

Fist and foremost would be the war<> Prince Drageth.


First, ,

I'm interested to see how this rewrite will affect your story.
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 264
8/8/2012 23:04:47   
Glais
Member

Fixed. And Vendagar was the one surprised. I should go rewrite that line...


Chapter 4 is not DONE, but I have made a lot of progress on it. It might end up being a bit long because there's a lot of things I have to fit into it.
DF MQ  Post #: 265
8/17/2012 3:35:06   
Glais
Member

So after far too long, Chapter 4 is complete.

There will be some radical changes coming soon. Notably, a comment somewhere else made me realize, training arcs suck. As such I don't want to dwell on those (EXCEPT for the Light/Dark situation which I've figured out how to tie in perfectly).

If you've seen the Samurai Jack episode "The Four Seasons of Death" it will be something like that. Mini stories summing it up so I can move on to the main plot. This will also allow me to work on the characters a bit more since the cast is growing quite large.

I'll need to learn how to do this effectively, but it's all been a learning experience anyways.

Thank you all for staying with the story so long and putting up with starting all over.
DF MQ  Post #: 266
8/17/2012 4:12:46   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L
quote:

there was one point in the day where the sun stood just above them.


during(?)

quote:

though ultimately they were no closer to safety then before.


than

quote:

I don't know it's been bugging me for a while<> but I just never said anything about it until now.


,

Will the events that lead to the first actual training become more fluent now? I'm asking because the return wasn't given a lot of attention to the boys' return in your story before.

I don't like the sound of cutting down on the training sessions, but I suppose you don't want to rewrite them all as you'll be rewriting your entire story.
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 267
8/17/2012 4:37:44   
Glais
Member

quote:

Will the events that lead to the first actual training become more fluent now? I'm asking because the return wasn't given a lot of attention to the boys' return in your story before.

Yeah I plan to basically sum up what happened with Rouan and all that. Overall try and make it connect better. Also we have to note they're pretty beat up now, no way they could start training in these conditions.
Correcting things now. Less corrections than before ^_^ I'm improving!
quote:

I don't like the sound of cutting down on the training sessions, but I suppose you don't want to rewrite them all as you'll be rewriting your entire story.

Oh? I assumed it was getting to be boring. Perhaps I can keep the training but still make things...plot heavy.

Assuming I DO keep it, here's my plan.

Finish Rewriting Fire
Wind/Possibly that town involving Mort's ancestry (more of a cameo though, as his themes don't quite mesh with my story)
Water (kind of a theme so far controlling fire) though I have very little planned out
Ice/First "Boss" so to speak. One of Senyaza's four generals.
Energy (should be short but...have some fun stuff planned)
Earth
Flashback(Will focus on Sarkalos and Valdur during their training, directly ties into...)
Light&Darkness which is sort of the end of the main plot as by now they confront the final General.
??? (Last master)
End of Arc 1

< Message edited by glaisaurus_x -- 8/17/2012 4:39:54 >
DF MQ  Post #: 268
8/17/2012 5:04:28   
lordkaho
Creative!


 I really like the survival bits with Vendegar and Zairo. Since I'm an avid fan of survival TV shows, you can say I was pretty much entertained :D

Anyway, Emotion looks really different now from what I last remember you describe him. For some reason he reminds me a cross of ultra man and some of Ben Tennison's alien forms.

DF MQ  Post #: 269
8/17/2012 15:34:01   
Glais
Member

I succeeded! *Dance of victory* Yeah basically, I didn't want everything to come easy for them. This way it feels like they've really earned it when good things happen.

As for Emotion, there are two reasons for this. This is how I always meant to describe him (sort of like a Stand, say Hierophant Green and mix it with Diver Down), and secondly...I forgot what my old description was so I had to reinvent it.
DF MQ  Post #: 270
9/1/2012 5:15:48   
Glais
Member

Chapter 5 is started. it will probably be short-ish, but it's moreso a bridge chapter so I can get everything back on track.

And their dad Iro's name has been changed to Culatello.
DF MQ  Post #: 271
9/1/2012 5:27:49   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L
quote:

Once leaving the mountain they'd reached a road that led back to WillowShire, where they were lucky enough to have been picked up by some of the Guardians who was returning from the conflict with Rouan.

some of the Guardians who were
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 272
9/1/2012 5:30:30   
Glais
Member

I can't believe I wrote that.
DF MQ  Post #: 273
9/2/2012 20:03:15   
lordkaho
Creative!
quote:

Night had already fallen when Emotion had lead Vendagar and Zairo back to their home


led

Hmm..I wonder what Rouan had been after inside the Willowshire Tower.

DF MQ  Post #: 274
9/2/2012 20:09:41   
Glais
Member

I must've been really tired (though at least I found out "who was" was due to a revision I didn't finish). I could've sworn I went out of my way to specifically spell that right. Rrrrrr...

And well, it's fairly obvious actually, but not exactly plot relevant. I guess it's relevant for Rouan's plot, but that's not quite the same.
DF MQ  Post #: 275
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