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RE: (Pre-DF) Past Present Discussion

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1/23/2012 2:12:02   
Glais
Member

spoiler:

I hadn't considered that. I would've really liked Valdur to, but he kind of...self-destructed.
I've been planning for Saru to make more appearances (in...a very surprising way) so she likely will. Especially since she can effectively find anything that's alive in the universe. I could see her pulling some sort of rescue or such. The bit I threw in randomly about her near omniscience was basically just a thread to tie in later.

Besides her though, all the Old DragonLords would've died (most of em actually died right now, with the survivors forming DragonsGrasp in the future) making it impossible.

EDIT:Though...I don't know, Innocentius was a DragonLord. Perhaps there's a connection? He was also the first Grand Inquisitor...

< Message edited by glaisaurus_x -- 1/23/2012 2:51:38 >
DF MQ  Post #: 26
1/23/2012 3:38:38   
lordkaho
Creative!
spoiler:

Though...I don't know, Innocentius was a DragonLord. Perhaps there's a connection? He was also the first Grand Inquisitor...


Well this surely has taken an interesting turn.
DF MQ  Post #: 27
1/23/2012 3:47:23   
Glais
Member

Indeed. I don't know, I wouldn't want too much to be revealed as of now, since you're the only one I accidentally slipped certain bits of info to.
I think I'll PM you tomorrow so we may be able to sort out any story possibilities here if that's alright with you.

EDIT:And not really an update, but Valdur's a full giant now. I realized he's the same size as Nivalis who's a full giant. It's now Zairo who's Half-Giant.

< Message edited by glaisaurus_x -- 1/24/2012 21:47:03 >
DF MQ  Post #: 28
2/2/2012 11:21:46   
Varen6398
Friendly!, Constructive!
Creative!


 Nice! What you have written so far is great! Kathool...Riverine Keep...so many references! This is brilliant work! Keep it up, I want to know more of the Horror of Stonefang! It really is quite interesting...any clues you can drop to us?
DF  Post #: 29
2/2/2012 11:45:58   
Mortarion
Member

Hmm thinking of reading this strongly
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 30
2/3/2012 0:11:54   
Glais
Member

@Varen:Heh, yeah I LOVE my references, and have several more planned. As for the Horror, it's main point is to set up DragonGrasp, but the thing itself well...let's just say, it will be here all the time, but you won't know it for a while. Kathool will make indirect reappearances as well, but overall he's very minor, as his main uprising is well, 100 years from now.

As for actual clues, hmmm...let's just say, it's something "above the rest."

@Mort:Cool, just be sure to comment whether you've decided to read or not :D I appreciate all comments xP

Should have Chapter 1 up this weekend, still trying to decide where exactly to go with it, since besides an outline, I write this off the top of my head...

EDIT:Adding in a small overview to the first post, to give a bit of info and make it more *spiffy*
EDIT2:Aaaand...done.

< Message edited by glaisaurus_x -- 2/3/2012 0:36:00 >
DF MQ  Post #: 31
2/3/2012 1:20:37   
lordkaho
Creative!


 Will read it later when I have time, so spare me the spoilers. hehe.
DF MQ  Post #: 32
2/3/2012 1:30:29   
Glais
Member

Oh there isn't anything you haven't read (to my knowledge) up yet. Chapter 1 won't be here till this weekend at the soonest. I have a bit more planning to do, to get the right feel and decide how things will go.
DF MQ  Post #: 33
2/3/2012 10:45:38   
Blade
Member

I have to say I was really impressed with this. I honestly hope END didn't actually mean that was the end. :P

The story really pulled me in once I got past paragraph 3, which is pretty good for a story. The dialogue seemed good for the time period and the people. I enjoyed how you as a reader were torn between loyalties of the king and the Dragonlords. (or Dragonlord as the rest really didn't agree.) I found the story to be very well written, and the overall feel of the story was exciting with an underlying sense of dread just peeking out, fully revealing itself towards the end.

I did find Zairo and Venadar's speech patterns to be a bit sophisticated for 4 year olds. I think if you broke up their speech a bit to better match young children it might give a sense of realism to your piece.


Overall I thought it was a very good start to a story, with a compelling plot, interesting characters, and some underlying evil of which is unknown to us yet. Very nice work!

~Bladebrawl
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 34
2/3/2012 23:28:16   
Glais
Member

Thanks for the read BladeBrawl.

Yeah that's just the Prologue's end, I have much more in store.

And yeah, the speech is a bit advanced, but I'm also not really sure how to make it more...baby-fied. I may just leave it for the sake of easier reading.
DF MQ  Post #: 35
2/6/2012 1:04:07   
Glais
Member

Alright guys, chapter 1's up. Partly. I'll likely add onto it.
There's also probably some errors in so apologies ahead of time.

Not a whole lot of action here, just aiming to advance the plot a bit.
So yeah, CC etc.
DF MQ  Post #: 36
2/6/2012 15:28:14   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L


 @glaisaurus_x: What did the protagonists learn at Willowshire (besides being humble)?
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 37
2/6/2012 16:29:00   
Glais
Member

I haven't quite finished that. My intent was it was something similar to the Karate Kid thing. They have no idea they've been training the entire time, through what they think are "useless" tasks and such.
DF MQ  Post #: 38
2/7/2012 11:16:14   
Varen6398
Friendly!, Constructive!
Creative!


 Nice addition! Gregory Innocentius...isn't that?...Or am I mistaking things?
DF  Post #: 39
2/7/2012 12:56:06   
Glais
Member

Nope, you're correct. At least some parts of this have been planned out for quite a while. He wasn't, but the Inquisition itself was. We then noticed the connections and...yeah.
DF MQ  Post #: 40
2/7/2012 13:25:11   
Varen6398
Friendly!, Constructive!
Creative!


 Nice! It's always nice to see some references to other L&L's! So how did you an LK come to a decision about how it would be included? Is Innocentius going to play a major part, or has LK decided against it?
DF  Post #: 41
2/7/2012 13:36:47   
Glais
Member

A couple months back I'd asked if the Inquisition could be used as a plot point somewhere down the line. Innocentius was only used once we noticed he was a DragonLord and it would be an interesting way to tie in the Inquisition. The Inquisition itself won't be shown for a while.

He probably won't be too major, as I don't want to risk misrepresenting him as well as involving others' characters too much might alter the course of the story in ways I don't want.
DF MQ  Post #: 42
2/7/2012 13:39:29   
Varen6398
Friendly!, Constructive!
Creative!


 Yes, misrepresenting him would be worse than not including him at all. So, how long 'till Chapter 2?
DF  Post #: 43
2/7/2012 13:53:31   
Glais
Member

Not sure, I could probably start today. Problem is, I haven't got this one planned out, hmmmm...
DF MQ  Post #: 44
2/9/2012 1:27:44   
Glais
Member

No more readers D: Man, everyone's so into HS these days.

Started on Chapter 2. There's only a paragraph there as I ran out of ideas. Help brainstorming please? I would appreciate it.

< Message edited by glaisaurus_x -- 2/9/2012 3:06:55 >
DF MQ  Post #: 45
2/9/2012 11:58:52   
Varen6398
Friendly!, Constructive!
Creative!


 Bat problem...ha. Anyway, you need help brainstorming? Have you got any ideas about what you want to do with the chapter yet, or would you like some totally new ideas?
DF  Post #: 46
2/9/2012 18:17:05   
Glais
Member

I have no idea. Save for one bit involving the boys that I may not even include.
DF MQ  Post #: 47
2/9/2012 21:28:00   
lordkaho
Creative!


 So I finally managed to put down Skyrim (thanks to viruses) and catch up on some reading.

quote:

"To you...well that's a stupid title. How exactly should one know who "you" is anyways? No matter, I'm sure there's no harm in me reading it. Seems to have been opened already anyways


When inside quotation marks, you should use ' ' instead. Also I suggest italicizing you for emphasis.

quote:

"Zairo, at the library. I must admit, this is an intriguing surprise."


I suggest rewording this. I couldn't quite get what Vendagar was trying to say at first.

Anyway, so the boys are finally crossing the threshold that separates boys and men.

I'm curious, what happened to the messenger who delivered the letter and how long was it since it was sent when the boys found it? If it was so dangerous to get to Riverine, shouldn't they at least provide an escort to the otherwise defenseless boys? Though this makes it all more interesting in how they face danger for the first time and how they'll manage to get out of it. A man's true test they say.

And about Gregory, well, he seems to be portrayed well. Nothing too out of character or exaggerated, so keep it up.



< Message edited by lordkaho -- 2/9/2012 21:29:46 >
DF MQ  Post #: 48
2/9/2012 21:34:44   
Glais
Member

Ack, the quotes thing. I'd remembered the correct format but I thought I missed a sentence or two.

And will make those corrections as soon as I can.

As for the escort, there's supposed to be one, though I'm not sure whether I mentioned it or not, my memory of chapter 2's paragraph is hazy.

On Gregory, well that's good. I'm not exactly aure what to do with him now, but I think so long as he remains a rarely seen character, things should go well.
DF MQ  Post #: 49
2/9/2012 21:39:49   
lordkaho
Creative!


 By the way I'm curious, if this were to be an RPG, which classes would Vendagar and Zairo fit in? I suppose Zairo becomes a spellblade later on like DragonLords?
DF MQ  Post #: 50
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