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RE: (Pre-DF) Past Present Discussion

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2/23/2012 10:36:07   
Glais
Member

Honestly I have no idea. I just luckily realized it was completely ridiculous. It did have to do with Valdur's mistake though. I will tie it in later that Innocentius DOES solve the King's wish, but not in the eay the King would expect.

I'll leave it out then. I think I had misunderstood something and thought you wanted it there. But yeah I have no real idea what do to do with it exactly, it just wouldn't be executed well. Plus, it seemed like you had secret plans for them. It would be better for me to stay out of it as mistakes would render Past Present non-semi-canon to Hounds of God thus making my attempts at using the characters well useless.

< Message edited by glaisaurus_x -- 2/23/2012 19:38:55 >
DF MQ  Post #: 101
2/25/2012 2:07:03   
Glais
Member

Aaaaand....chapter 4 is up! I feel kinda odd about this one, but I mainly just wanted it to explain what will be happening.

EDIT:Currently editing, don't bother reading it yet.
EDIT2:Done

< Message edited by glaisaurus_x -- 2/25/2012 6:17:37 >
DF MQ  Post #: 102
2/25/2012 6:38:16   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L
quote:

He walked back into his library, full of every type of book one would need and thus contained every type one would never need. These only further bored the King who was an avid reader.


Perhaps it's just me, but I don't get this. He was an avid reader who was bored by books?!


I'm confused as to why Drageth thinks more power would mean less boredom, if an entire kingdom cannot suffice his needs then how could the entire continent?

In conclusion, Drageth intrigues me a lot more than his "ally".
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 103
2/25/2012 14:53:34   
Glais
Member

No, he was bored because he had already read them all, perhaps I should clarify. Thanks for catching that...this chapter felt so weird.

And well, yeah he thinks more will satisfy him. I guess it is an infinite hunger sort of thing. Obviously it won't and the ShadowScythe know this but they really could care less aout him so long as he helps them rebuild. I will make sure to elaborate on it more so as to clear things up.

Hm, didn't expect him to be so interesting, but at the same time I didn't expect the ally to either as he doesn't have much of a personality yet.

< Message edited by glaisaurus_x -- 2/25/2012 15:35:49 >
DF MQ  Post #: 104
2/26/2012 15:20:46   
Mordred
Member

Heh, finally caught up. I do wonder why there's only 2 years available for training to two. And Slugwrath's ally intrigues me, since I can't quite pinpoint what/who it is. :P
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 105
2/26/2012 16:40:20   
Glais
Member

The Ally himself is an original character. His Scythe is someone we all know, providing it doesn't break canon.

And well, as for the Two years, let's just say that the network of Trainers and Escorts (capitalized for a reason) are very well informed of current events.

And thanks for catching up, I appreciate every read xP
DF MQ  Post #: 106
2/26/2012 16:45:29   
VanHellsin24
Banned


 Wow this story is nice. Not bad glaisaurus.
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 107
2/26/2012 17:19:20   
Glais
Member

You read the whole thing that fast? Thanks, I really appreciate it!
Anything specific you liked or disliked?

This is my first time writing, so there's bound to be mistakes and such.


EDIT:Also, a bit of retconning. 2 years is way too short. Instead, they will be 14, and thus will have 4 years. 3 to learn the elements, 1 with the 9th master.

< Message edited by glaisaurus_x -- 2/26/2012 23:06:07 >
DF MQ  Post #: 108
2/27/2012 2:29:57   
Glais
Member

Yo dawg, I heard you like to read so I put a chapter in your story so you can read while you read.
DF MQ  Post #: 109
2/27/2012 3:26:16   
lordkaho
Creative!


 You know what, I really need a smack on the head right now. No wonder Riverine Keep sounded all too familiar, it's the abandoned fire dungeon with 100 rooms right? And to think I've been reading this for 5 chapters and didn't have a slightest clue on what is was. Just goes to show I really need to play DF again.

Anyway, so we finally learn of Drageth's first meeting with his dark "friend". Seems to be that there are lots of enemies on the table, though I try to not get confused on the factions involved. And speaking of enemies, the Shadowscythe finally rears its vile head! The drums of war sound yet again.

I wonder, will this be the reason why Riverine keep is what it is now?

DF MQ  Post #: 110
2/27/2012 10:43:15   
Glais
Member

I'm considering it, it probably will be, but I feel kinda stupid for saying I didn't even bother planning that out. It is SUCH an obvious plot device.

And heh, yeah I noticed the name on the map so I figured I'd use it. Initially they'd just learn to fight here, but then I remembered how fiery it was.

But yeah I noticed I kept jumping around so many characters. For chapter 5 I tried to focus on some already established characters.

Plus, I also wanted to see if I could write one chapter without a single break in it.

< Message edited by glaisaurus_x -- 2/27/2012 10:47:37 >
DF MQ  Post #: 111
2/28/2012 21:07:13   
Glais
Member

Very minor update, but reading through some other L&Ls and their commentaries I realized I broke an amazing rule:I never described the main characters' appearance.

In Chapter 1 Z and V each have a paragraph where I futile...ly attempt to describe their clothing and such. So yeah...

Chapter 6 will probably be up Thursday, looks like I should have a good amount of free time then.
DF MQ  Post #: 112
2/29/2012 2:24:37   
Glais
Member

Woah, triple post...oh well, this one brings an update, so it is legal.

Chapter 6 is UP...though to be honest, I really dislike the second half. You can expect a rewrite of it very soon.

EDIT:Actually, I hated it so much I deleted it. The other half will be here whenever.

< Message edited by glaisaurus_x -- 2/29/2012 2:26:41 >
DF MQ  Post #: 113
2/29/2012 14:30:08   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L
quote:

What was odd about the woman was that her skin was a light blue and her ears, pointed. Besides that, she seemed relatively normal. She had long black hair and was of average height (around 5'8") though she also carried a staff.


Strangely enough the first thing that came to mind was a vartai. I do think you should describe what she is wearing, seeing she's a dragonlord and a mage.

Though my biggest surprise was to learn that she lived on land.
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 114
2/29/2012 17:15:20   
Glais
Member

Ah right, definitely. I'm somewhat bad at descriptions....guess I'll need to learn.

As for the latter statement, so was I as weird as that sounds. It's not an oversight I assure you.

Anyways, I'll probably touch up her story as well, it just feels...boring. I don't know.

THanks for the read though!
DF MQ  Post #: 115
3/1/2012 22:24:58   
Glais
Member

Sorry to do this again like I did with Chapter 1, but Chapter 6's first half has been revised to make a bit more sense, clean up dialogue, add a description of Saru, and overall improve it.

Part 2 will hopefully be done later tonight.

Chapter 6 is DONE. May be a little short, but I felt the way it ended was a decent setup.

And yes, an Elemental has an accent. (Based on Mohammed Abdul from Jojo's Bizarre Adventure the Abridged series).

< Message edited by glaisaurus_x -- 3/1/2012 23:57:22 >
DF MQ  Post #: 116
3/2/2012 11:02:02   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L
quote:

The market (because back then, T/the SandSea's people weren't too poor to have shops) was overflowing with customers and travellers.


Just notice how Sek-Duat speaks of his lands.

quote:

With that, the Giant continued on his way into the pyramid.

Is he already on the pyramid's doorstep (into) or is he yet to get there (to)?

What do you make of the guards in the palace we never fight anyway?
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 117
3/2/2012 18:38:29   
Glais
Member

Will get to those corrections, thanks for catching em.

And hm, honestly the guards we never fight seem more like Sek-Duat's harem rather than guards.

Though I will need to think of an explanation as to why he started using those instead of the Elementals, hmmm...
DF MQ  Post #: 118
3/4/2012 0:05:31   
Glais
Member

Chapter 7's up. I feel a bit off here, so there will be revisions. Course, those are kinda difficult without feedback but whatever, heh.
DF MQ  Post #: 119
3/4/2012 6:09:57   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L


 I wonder how Sek-Duat will "lose" control of the mummified dragon.

quote:

The people of The Sandsea looked around in amazement. Their great Emperor? Here? In the city with them? Their lives were likely completed.

I thought Sek-Duat's masterplan was to get everyone to hate him so he could sacrifice them. I don't sense much hostility though.

By the way, is the city already covered by sand at this point?

< Message edited by Dwelling Dragonlord -- 3/4/2012 6:15:14 >
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 120
3/4/2012 13:29:54   
Glais
Member

Exactly. This chapter has so many weird inconcsistencies I need to fix, like his master plan...being to escape? He could've just done that the whole time.

And I would assume not, there is a lot of sand, but not running up the buildings. There's more people travelling around at this point. Thus keeping it down I guess.
DF MQ  Post #: 121
3/4/2012 13:57:04   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L


 Will your story be going into the reason as to why people in The Sandsea travel less nowadays?
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 122
3/4/2012 15:47:43   
Glais
Member

Probably, but not this soon. The main characters will be staying in the SandSea for a bit later on in their journey, so I hope to explore the city and its ways more during that time.

< Message edited by glaisaurus_x -- 3/4/2012 15:49:50 >
DF MQ  Post #: 123
3/7/2012 3:03:11   
Glais
Member

Minor/Major update.

1:Erased the entirety of chapter 7 because it was just "ugly" in my eyes.
2:Got a little bit of the NEW chapter 7 done. It's not much, but I like it better than the old one.

"Aurevoire"
"B-But you can't-"
"AUR....EVOIRE."
DF MQ  Post #: 124
3/8/2012 0:57:29   
Glais
Member

Another little bit done. Gonna take this chapter slowly...wouldn't want to have to rewrite it again.
DF MQ  Post #: 125
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