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RE: (Pre-DF) Past Present Discussion

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4/6/2012 1:03:17   
lordkaho
Creative!


 Funny, I have always thought Djinn are beings of sand and air. Anyway, never knew the GK would change his attentions quickly, and is Lux an orc?
DF MQ  Post #: 176
4/6/2012 1:16:22   
Glais
Member

Yeah I feel the Golden King's transition is a bit quick, but I couldn't afford anyone dying there. Mr.Zixx is needed to give the ShadowScythe some character and all.

As far as I know, Lux isn't, he appears in AQ as a helpful character, subserviant to father Dhows. That whole scene was a reference to how Dhows murdered the Pastor and framed Vampires. Hence why Drageth couldn't find it.
DF MQ  Post #: 177
4/6/2012 2:05:06   
lordkaho
Creative!


 Dhows, as in Drows?
DF MQ  Post #: 178
4/6/2012 2:21:36   
Glais
Member

Seth Cay Dhows. AQ's Mysterious Stranger....sort of. It's really weird, and I'm not quite sure how Past Present fits with the canon currently. As for now, I'm considering Senyaza's Scythe a mix of Dhows and DF's Stranger. Somehow.
DF MQ  Post #: 179
4/6/2012 2:37:36   
VanHellsin24
Banned


 Wow, you're story is INCREDIBLE :O

Just....wow
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 180
4/6/2012 3:19:45   
Glais
Member

Thank you for reading. Anything specific you liked/disliked/questioned?
DF MQ  Post #: 181
4/6/2012 7:15:55   
lordkaho
Creative!


 Though, Dhows isn't actually the Mysterious Stranger in DF right? Though I think it would be awesome if you manage to bridge similarities between the two up.
DF MQ  Post #: 182
4/6/2012 7:41:04   
Glais
Member

They are separate entities.

That actually would be better, I prefer Dhows anyways, him and his bird obsession...gives him a bit of personality.
DF MQ  Post #: 183
4/6/2012 7:49:21   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L


 Interesting, the Golden King doesn't have a bodyguard?

Anyway, could you give us an indication of how long ago this plays (or hasn't anything changed and is it still 100 years)?
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 184
4/6/2012 8:02:19   
lordkaho
Creative!


 That would be too suspicious for him not to have one. But, even then, if I were him I cant afford to be reckless. Unless, of course, assassination is a minor threat here.
DF MQ  Post #: 185
4/6/2012 8:05:00   
VanHellsin24
Banned


 I cant find faults....this story is genuinely amazing
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 186
4/6/2012 18:09:50   
Glais
Member

quote:

Dwelling DragonLord: Interesting, the Golden King doesn't have a bodyguard?

Anyway, could you give us an indication of how long ago this plays (or hasn't anything changed and is it still 100 years)?

It would probably make sense for him to have one, but he's one of the higher tier characters, I'm going to guess he thinks he won't need one (which is a cheap way of saying:I didn't think of that). As for the time, I'm not sure. My decision to add in the Hall of Memories events screwed with things slightly, since I don't know exactly when they happened. I'd rather it NOT be 900 years ago like WolfWing first said (though reportedly, they did not ACTUALLY happen that long ago). We can consider it around 100 years or more I think. That should be safe still.

And thank you Van
DF MQ  Post #: 187
4/7/2012 5:32:05   
Glais
Member

Chapter 10's done!

I really like this one, and I think you will too. There's an important plot bit summed up here that won't be revisited for a looooooooong time.

Also, as there's less dialogue, this one's somewhat longer than others. Similar to chapter 5(?), the one where Zairo and Ven almost get killed, I wanted to use very few breaks.

spoiler:

And some incredibly silly references I had to make.

< Message edited by glaisaurus_x -- 4/7/2012 5:33:54 >
DF MQ  Post #: 188
4/7/2012 11:11:15   
lordkaho
Creative!


 Just WOW. Definitely your most thrilling chapter yet. Everything was handled very well. Gregory, though kinda off in some parts, was still portrayed nicely but Domino, while he pretty much came out of nowhere, was just badass. It doesn't take a fanboy to guess that he's based off Dio though, hehe. Oughta added a WRRYYY at the end.

< Message edited by lordkaho -- 4/7/2012 11:12:37 >
DF MQ  Post #: 189
4/7/2012 15:01:50   
Glais
Member

I did feel Innocentius was slightly off. This is mostly as I'm not experienced writing in the more...elegant language you and Mordred tend to use.

And I was totally planning on adding some sort of WRRRYYYYY at the end, I probably will when I touch up a few things. There was also another JJBA reference/ripoff I don't expect anyone to get. I have plenty more actually subtle references planned where that came from! Sadly most of them are for act two, since that's when....nevermind.

Just to note, Domino will make future appearances. I meant to add that whereas Senyaza had three high ranking DoomKnights with him, Domino was the fourth he'd sent to follow Drageth just in case.

< Message edited by glaisaurus_x -- 4/7/2012 15:12:29 >
DF MQ  Post #: 190
4/7/2012 15:54:33   
Razen
Member

House = Boat Of course. Domino has an interesting description...maybe I could draw him in his grace, with his hair that is as gold as GOLD. xD

quote:

"Mr. Zixx, sorry, the point is Scythe, we have run ourselves into a corner."


I don't quite a certain part of this line. "The point is Scythe," Wat. Just wat.
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 191
4/7/2012 15:59:55   
Glais
Member

From Youtube "His hair was GOLD he could FEEL it"

Anyhow, sorry at that point I meant he was addressing the Scythe which he aptly named, Scythe. I felt it sounded odd as well, will reword it.

And well, i was thinking SteamRoller, forgot about the boat. There wasn't even a boat in the manga come to think of it...

< Message edited by glaisaurus_x -- 4/7/2012 16:22:51 >
DF MQ  Post #: 192
4/7/2012 17:48:13   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L


 This latest chapter made all of my characters seem weak in comparison.

The story was nice, but "Luminovia was a rather sophisticated and rich city in these times, conflict was rather alien to them." made me lift an eyebrow. You mentioned "After several hours they had at last reached their destination, a tower.", I assume in the middle of the forest of Luminovia.

I think you meant to say "Luminovia was home to a rather sophisticated and rich city in those times, conflict was rather alien to them (due to the strong religious influence of the church of Light which had it's largest temple on the continent here)."
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 193
4/7/2012 18:05:44   
Glais
Member

Well this chapter was dealing with more experienced characters, a ShadowScythe general and an Elite DragonLord. Besides, I really like all your characters. Powers don't matter if the character themself isn't written well. Something I hope I've managed to do.

Yes, Zixx's tower's in the forest while the town was a ways away I presume. I have no idea if that's accurate though, some fixes are probably in order?

I'll add the bit about the church, thanks for pointing out these problems. Fixed. Now mentions the forest is home to a city, etc, etc

< Message edited by glaisaurus_x -- 4/7/2012 19:11:19 >
DF MQ  Post #: 194
4/7/2012 19:18:38   
lordkaho
Creative!


 No, the speech is fine. It's just I forgot to mention that Gregory can get pretty hammy in a fight. He's not your typical boisterous bruiser, but does know how to chew the scenery. It's from him how late Inquisitors got their over the top and frenzied warcries and bravado.
DF MQ  Post #: 195
4/7/2012 19:24:18   
Glais
Member

Oh! I can definitely write that in! I was under the illusion that he was incredibly serious and grimdark this entire time, like the rest of Inquisition.

Plus it's an excuse to include a certain line.
DF MQ  Post #: 196
4/7/2012 19:36:19   
lordkaho
Creative!


 Hey, if you get fun out of it then give it a try. But the serious mood still fits as this was a dark time for the kingless dragonlord. Though you might wanna throw in some lines where he describes what he's going to do to Domino, shouting at that, and at the same time sounding like out of a bad power rangers villain. He's funny like that.

< Message edited by lordkaho -- 4/7/2012 19:38:59 >
DF MQ  Post #: 197
4/7/2012 19:39:41   
Glais
Member

Alright, will think over what I can do to bring his personality more to light.

Funny you misspell it Domini, since his name was going to be "Dominic" at first. Despite a vague similarity, his name was not at all a reference to Dio.

spoiler:

Honestly, I just want an excuse to make him say BRAVO! OH BRAVO! like Polnareff xP

< Message edited by glaisaurus_x -- 4/7/2012 19:40:05 >
DF MQ  Post #: 198
4/7/2012 22:50:42   
Mordred
Member

Finally caught up. XD

I've gotta say, I like the Golden King the most so far. He's sorta enigmatic, but is portrayed in a light(pun unintended) rulers generally aren't portrayed in, almost like Alteon, only with powers. Apparently kind and benevolent, and wise beyond most of this plane.

Domino=win. I need to tackle vampires sometime. Outside of having a vampire planet, because that'd feel like an MQ copy+paste. :P I liked Domino. Vampires need to spend less time sparkling these days so they can be as badass as that. XP Question; would Domino be more powerful than Safiria at this point, with both his vampirism and Doom Knight enhancing strength?
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 199
4/7/2012 23:39:41   
Glais
Member

Yes I like the Golden King as well, the best part is I made him up on the spot for who wrote Chapter 2's letter xP

As for Domino vs Safiria, I have no idea how strong she is exactly. I know in DF she's not too tough the one time we fought her, but in AQ she's apparently much more challenging. I would have to say yes however, given Domino's rank in the ShadowScythe. Even without that, his innate time magic would help so I'm going to say yes.

I like Domino a lot, he (along with the other 3 ShadowScythe generals I've not touched upon) will have larger roles in the future.
DF MQ  Post #: 200
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