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Vanho Mortaurus- The Boundary of Existence (A Collaboration Work)

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10/4/2012 11:24:53   
lordkaho
Creative!


 Greetings everyone.

This thread is for the discussion of Vanho Mortaurus, a collaboration piece made by lordkaho, VanHellsin24, Mortarion, and glaisaurus_x.

You can read it here.

Comments and criticism are very much appreciated!

~LK



< Message edited by lordkaho -- 10/4/2012 11:26:04 >
DF MQ  Post #: 1
10/4/2012 11:42:23   
Arthur
How We Roll Winner
Dec14


 Let me be the first to read and comment. ^^

This story seems dark, so very dark.

I see some inspiration has been taken from Hindu mythology. Like Bhagavana.

But its good. Very good.

Keep it up, you four.
DF MQ AQW  Post #: 2
10/4/2012 14:54:36   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L


 I cannot comment much other than the fact this person reminds me of Mordred/the'Galin.
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 3
10/4/2012 16:59:18   
Mortarion
Member

@Arthur: what did you expected, all who participate in it have knowledge of one of the most dark games series, Warhammer 40K, plus, all of us who work on it tend to write dark stories

By the way Kaho, great work on the image

< Message edited by Mortarion -- 10/4/2012 17:00:15 >
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 4
10/4/2012 17:02:59   
Glais
Member

quote:

I see some inspiration has been taken from Hindu mythology. Like Bhagavana.

I quite like this aspect of the story.

@Mort: Well, my story isn't particularly dark, I'm not even a big 40K fan :P

< Message edited by glaisaurus_x -- 10/4/2012 17:06:34 >
DF MQ  Post #: 5
10/4/2012 17:09:34   
Mortarion
Member

But you still know about it, I said that we have knowledge, I never implied that all of us liked it
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 6
10/4/2012 17:13:17   
Glais
Member

True, fair enough.
DF MQ  Post #: 7
10/4/2012 22:06:37   
lordkaho
Creative!


 In case anyone wonders what the 'man' said about boundaries making time meaningless and how he managed to defeat Tashokan, he has the magic to control boundaries.

When Tashokan used Bo Arathra Vigda, he decelerated it so much it seemed like time has stopped. Using a decoy to reveal Tashokan's powers, the man eliminated the boundary between Stillness and Motion, which is the point that separated when time flowed normally and when time began to decelerate, ultimately nullifying the power. The location was so important to his victory as under normal circumstances he wouldn't be able to stop something as powerful as Bo Arathra Vigda, but they were fighting in a massive mountain that acted as the boundary between the West and the East. A giant physical boundary from which where he draws his powers.



< Message edited by lordkaho -- 10/4/2012 23:28:56 >
DF MQ  Post #: 8
10/4/2012 22:39:27   
Mordred
Member

I'd have to agree with Dwelling Dragonlord about the man. :P

Don't really have much else to comment on. I will note that the many paragraphs towards the end seem like unnecessary breaks that could be shifted to be in the same paragraph as the speaker.
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 9
10/4/2012 23:29:58   
lordkaho
Creative!


 Hmm..

I'm curious, what IS the Galin's personality by the way? And doesn't Mordred have a case of megalomania?
DF MQ  Post #: 10
10/4/2012 23:42:12   
Mordred
Member

It's less personality(since we get almost none of the man's personality, save his cruelty in combat) and more about presence. What The'Galin, the man, and Tumulu would all have similar traits in is their presence. They're all beings that demand attention at sight. There's an... aura about them. One of mystery, and almost a miasma.
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 11
10/10/2012 19:37:08   
lordkaho
Creative!


 New chapter up.
DF MQ  Post #: 12
10/10/2012 19:37:24   
Mortarion
Member

Is it my idea, or you tried a different art style? But it's most likely my faul for rushing you Kaho :'(, also, you should add a link here in the story itself
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 13
10/10/2012 20:00:38   
lordkaho
Creative!


 My style never changes (when usin pencil that is). What do you mean?

DF MQ  Post #: 14
10/10/2012 20:27:22   
Mordred
Member

Wish I knew the exact circumstances on how the two became allies.
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 15
10/10/2012 20:37:20   
VanHellsin24
Banned


 Oh I could say that....

I could...
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 16
10/10/2012 20:41:09   
Mortarion
Member

Kaho: I mean, when comparing the two pictures they look different
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 17
10/10/2012 20:53:59   
lordkaho
Creative!


 The style exactly the same. The other one has just a darker tone. If I did that with the second pic, you won't be able to see anything.

Anyway, enough talk about art and more unto the story itself.

@Mordred

This is of course a prologue. We'll get to know more about the roots of each characters as the chapters unfold. We'll be showing random chunks of story about our characters for our own respective prologues, meaning there will be 4 prologues in total, after which the story will start formally in an effort to tie in all 4 characters into the main plot.



DF MQ  Post #: 18
10/10/2012 20:57:10   
VanHellsin24
Banned


 Apart from the information that LK, Mort and Glais know, its a mystery. When I reveal their origin, it'll be its own chapter

< Message edited by VanHellsin24 -- 10/10/2012 21:24:48 >
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 19
10/12/2012 7:56:11   
lordkaho
Creative!


 Prologue II is up!

DF MQ  Post #: 20
10/12/2012 18:02:42   
VanHellsin24
Banned


 When I saw the picture the movie Dead Silence came to mind
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 21
10/12/2012 18:16:27   
lordkaho
Creative!


 Well, dead silence is a big inspiration for this character. Alice is pretty much a younger Mary Shaw. Though, this story draws on many other, obvious, inspirations.
DF MQ  Post #: 22
10/12/2012 18:18:17   
Mordred
Member

quote:

Then...Suddenly out of nowhere; a large, black cat of gargantuan size ran across the road. It was the size of a wolf hound, but more meatier and furrier.


quote:

the cat seemed to resemble less of a cat and more than a smoky veil of blackness with two bright white orbs as eyes that and I could’ve sworn hearing rusty mechanical ticking and turning gears.


The first bolding denotes that you should use either more meaty and furry or meatier and furrier, not both. The second is pointing out an awkward sentence that doesn't make sense within itself. After "bright white orbs for eyes", I'd use a semicolon or start a new sentence altogether.

I really loved this update. Feels like some H. P. Lovecraft, which I've had the pleasure of reading this summer. A similand it definitely gives mer similar goosebumps.
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 23
10/12/2012 19:23:34   
lordkaho
Creative!


 Thank you, Mordred. I'll edit it right away.

While it is a glaring shoutout to Lewis Carroll's Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, the narrative has taken inspiration to many other things, one of them being Agatha Christie's suspense and mystery stories and...a music video on Youtube.

On a side note, writing a character as a normal human thrown into the world of the supernatural feels more enjoyable than expected.

DF MQ  Post #: 24
10/24/2012 14:53:12   
Arthur
How We Roll Winner
Dec14


 Okay, so I read the Second Prologue and I see the steampunkness coming in.

I love how you describe Januavar. (Is it inhabited by cannibals?) There's a certain darkness about it although, a bit more of street detail, common house detail and inhabitation detail would've helped me visualise better.

On a general scale, nice fight scene and of course... a mind-blowing sketch.

I'll provide feedback on Chapter 1 tomorrow.
DF MQ AQW  Post #: 25
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