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1/11/2013 21:58:49   
The ErosionSeeker
*insert cheesy pun here*


 Actual Story Thread


Time is a fun thing, and so are Weavers.



Shadow Dragon666 suggested the idea to me, and it kinda took off.



Trust me, what's up there so far isn't even the START of what's going to happen.

< Message edited by The ErosionSeeker -- 3/2/2013 19:49:55 >

_____________________________
DF AQW  Post #: 1
1/12/2013 8:52:14   
_Arceus_
Creative!


 Nice......It's getting more interesting per chapter. So far, I have found no errors in the story. Keep up the good work

Please read my story:
Legend of Arceus
AQ AQW Epic  Post #: 2
1/12/2013 16:20:17   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L
quote:

The sentry standing guard there were bored, half asleep, and in no mood to be protecting anything.

sentries (plural), were/sentry, was

quote:

It was almost as if Duncan Montana <> never existed.

had

quote:

Waving goodbye to the armorer, Shadow departed for the Weaver Headquarters to report on her discoveries.

weaponsmith

quote:

The journey was not a long one, but people from all over came and greeted her as she walked from Cysero’s armory to the Chronoweaver hub. Although it was no melancholy day; everyone was in bright spirits, Shadow couldn’t help but shake <> the feeling of a big event about to arrive.

shop (if this is a shed like his garden in a different place, please elaborate further), off(?)

quote:

As they nodded in understanding, Shadow took her leave to the Librasium and left Oscuras to his toys.

Libraseum

quote:

The source of the rustling that was following Shadow made itself apparent; it was a Chronoweaver Scout, one of those who could use time magic to more efficiently relay information to their superiors.

one of those who could use time magic more efficiently to relay information to their superiors.

quote:

The settlers who have left the mainland of Lore to discover what lied beyond the great oceans have long since established a community.

The mainland of Lore is Battleonia, the biggest continent you'll find on the map, that which is home to the city of Swordhaven.

quote:

Clans who’ve clashed for generations have ended hostilities and joined in arms.

had

quote:

“But my Lady, there is only one man in the entire Chronoweaver Tower that has mastery of the storm, and let’s just say he’s an... ah... difficult person to work with.<>

"

quote:

If not, you class is three doors down, to the right (there were a couple of people laughing followed by two people sheepishly getting up to go to the other class).

your

quote:

He was almost finished the drawing.

with

quote:

When using regular chronomancy to freeze someone, the opposite occurs; their mind is frozen but their body isn’t. While they can’t think, their body still tries to go through with whatever it is that it was attempting to do.

This doesn't really make much sense to me, personally. Time affects both mind and body. Furthermore, isn't that a psion-like ability the way you describe it?

quote:

Erosion have a wary glance, then raised his head to speak with his students.

had/gave her

Okay, I am not sure of how I am to place the Chronoweavers into Dragonfable. I could see this order being founded and existing after the fall or during the reign of the Rose, but not before that. The main point on that is that a guild of chronomancers could have effectively uncreated the Rose from being in the first place. The Rose would hunt them down.

1180, 1225, 1321 for years are not feasible. Like I mentioned before, Battleonia is the main continent and to make matters worse the Guardian Towers were founded nearly a thousand years ago. The kingdoms of Battleonia are easily thousands of years old.
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 3
1/12/2013 19:10:07   
The ErosionSeeker
*insert cheesy pun here*
quote:

1180, 1225, 1321 for years are not feasible...

most of the numbers and locations i provided are incorrect because i have no idea what the real ones were.

quote:

The main point on that is that a guild of chronomancers could have effectively uncreated the Rose from being in the first place. The Rose would hunt them down.

one of the rules of the society is that an action of that extent is forbidden, it was going to be a plot point >_____>


quote:

one of those who could use time magic more efficiently to relay information to their superiors.

not all chronoweavers have that specific power. the scouts use time magic to relay information instantly, instead of being like a high-speed connection as compared to a low-speed one.



quote:

Battleonia is the main continent and to make matters worse the Guardian Towers were founded nearly a thousand years ago. The kingdoms of Battleonia are easily thousands of years old.

bah. darn complicated storyline.
DF AQW  Post #: 4
1/13/2013 6:12:20   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L
quote:

one of the rules of the society is that an action of that extent is forbidden, it was going to be a plot point >_____>

The Rose is full of paranoid hypocrites, do you think they would abide such an organization to exist if they knew about it?

< Message edited by Dwelling Dragonlord -- 1/13/2013 6:25:13 >
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 5
1/13/2013 12:07:07   
The ErosionSeeker
*insert cheesy pun here*
quote:

The Rose is full of paranoid hypocrites, do you think they would abide such an organization to exist if they knew about it?


well er, the organization itself was damaged during the reign of the rose, but the tower itself was easily rebuilt with chronomancy.




the Weaver Society itself existed for several centuries. before they became an organization, it was individuals who found they could manipulate small amounts / quantities / instances of time that came together in one place.

as to why the Rose couldn't eliminate them all will be in a further installment.



if the weavers uncreated the rose, then surely in 5 years' time, there would've been unpredictable changes.
it is assumed by Alteon and his advisers that the Rose was doing (some) good in the period of time that the hero was frozen, so many of those "good deeds" would not have happened, rapidly changing the timeline yet again.
which is why they use closed field chronomancy (only the affected people are altered)
DF AQW  Post #: 6
1/15/2013 22:39:12   
The ErosionSeeker
*insert cheesy pun here*


 chapter 2 Freezing is now finished, and Shadow's adventures in Halcyon will continue with the next chapter, Surface.

school started up again, so i'll probably wind up doing a chapter every week or two, not unlike DF itself. i wrote the prologue, 1 and half of 2 before the new year, and only got around to formatting and posting them a few days ago.



also, a quick survey to everyone who has read Cpt 2;
what are your opinions of the major characters revealed so far? their concept, their mannerisms, anything.
i think i've got the plot well to an interesting enough progression, but a few of my previous (unposted) works that had characters who were too "flat", one-dimensional.
practically everyone so far (except cysero) is a main character.
DF AQW  Post #: 7
1/18/2013 11:51:07   
Glais
Member

quote:

“Do not worry. You will not make the same error next occasion. BECAUSE THERE WILL BE NO ‘NEXT TIME’!”

That was a little...narmy.
Anyhow, lots of walls of text here. Generally people around here break them up a bit as it makes reading online much easier.

Not a bad start though, this anomaly is quite odd.
There were parts that felt a bit jerky though. Mainly introducing all these new concepts so briefly.
DF MQ  Post #: 8
1/18/2013 20:40:49   
The ErosionSeeker
*insert cheesy pun here*
quote:

Anyhow, lots of walls of text here. Generally people around here break them up a bit as it makes reading online much easier.


they're actually supposed to be indented. stupid MSword stops recognizing indents after a while, so the paragraphs just look all bunched up.



anyone have a solution for this?
DF AQW  Post #: 9
1/18/2013 20:47:33   
Glais
Member

Just space out the paragraphs, gives em breathing room.
Razen and DDL's stories have good examples of eye-friendly formatting.
DF MQ  Post #: 10
1/18/2013 20:51:17   
The ErosionSeeker
*insert cheesy pun here*


 i tried mimicking razen's format for the prologue, is that any better?

also, too narmy? sure, it's mostly being played for laughs anyways.
DF AQW  Post #: 11
1/23/2013 15:57:04   
The ErosionSeeker
*insert cheesy pun here*


 i fixed up the spacing errors that made it stupidly hard to read.

also, split one of the chapters into two (the blue letter chapter was too long), wrote out the next part.
DF AQW  Post #: 12
2/26/2013 22:13:30   
The ErosionSeeker
*insert cheesy pun here*


 um, yaaay, new chapter!


hopefully it allows the two rather disconnected plots to come together.
hopefully i didn't make a mistake in the writing for this section. the wording of several phrases are very important.
DF AQW  Post #: 13
2/27/2013 5:16:34   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L
quote:

Seeing how pointless it would be to cast the Time Escaper spell again, Raynor angrily walking through the glowing portal and swam (well, floated) as hard as he could to reach the castle entrance.

walked

Something which caught my attention was the fact that Shadow and Raynor are using swords rather than looms.
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 14
2/27/2013 22:11:18   
The ErosionSeeker
*insert cheesy pun here*


 ^ my original intention was for the characters to use a variety of weapons.
i had a scrapped version of the portal-shattering that involved a magical staff.

i guess that the idea is that looms aren't the only tool that can be used for textiles.

if short blades are looms, then i suppose that swords are sewing needles :/
DF AQW  Post #: 15
3/16/2013 22:57:26   
The ErosionSeeker
*insert cheesy pun here*


 more stuff posted a few days ago, including the second clash between the protagonists and Raynor.



frankly, i'm not all that fond about the way that Raynor talks. he reminds me too much of wargoth, in speech and spirit.
is that just a byproduct of attempting to create an original where there can be no more, or is it just a coincidence?



i hope readers found the Clairce scene as humorous as i did.
numerous references in the whole of Chapter 6 - Questions.
DF AQW  Post #: 16
4/11/2013 5:04:28   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L


 I couldn't find any grammar mistakes, so you're good on that.

I am rather curious as to what your explanation is for the mana core.
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 17
4/11/2013 10:30:04   
The ErosionSeeker
*insert cheesy pun here*


 ^ I think one thing that i was kind of messy about was the use of Mana Core and Magma Core.


the MP Core will probably be used later in the story, but the Magma Core is just a place.

An important location, but still only a spot on the map in the end.
DF AQW  Post #: 18
5/15/2013 22:24:00   
The ErosionSeeker
*insert cheesy pun here*


 and so, with this new chapter, part 2 of this (hopefully) 3-part story begins!


also, the enormous time gap between last entry and this one is completely intentional, not at all because i was too busy procrastinating to format it for AEF use...

>___>
DF AQW  Post #: 19
7/22/2013 9:21:02   
The ErosionSeeker
*insert cheesy pun here*


 after another long period of hammering away on MS word, we have 2 more sections of the story!

anyway, i do think that the current level of language is okay, haven't used anything far coarser than DF, and on terms of violence, i'd say... slightly less than final 13th?
DF AQW  Post #: 20
7/22/2013 11:28:49   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L
quote:

We’re not some bright-eyed childs that you can deceive and then leave behind.

children

quote:

An enemy wouldn’t be so kind as to give an important piece of information such as their affiliation so nonchalantly.

Unless said person was lying.

quote:

It was no surprise what Helios was planning to do with it.

mystery(?)

quote:

As Shadow had predicted, there was a luminescent river of ice flowing deep beneath the ground.

This might sound stupid, but when I imagine ice it is solid whereas a river is not. So perhaps you could describe the scenery a bit better to help the readers with getting a mental image as to what you're going for here.

quote:

As Shadow is about to head back to the Energy Grid, Quake bumps into her from behind, forcing her to reach out with her hands in order to break a fall.

was, bumped

quote:

We were cast away and treated as criminals by one whom we considered one of our own. Of course, everything has changed now. It is now our turn to fight back against the usurper."

Hold on, wasn't Quake one of the people who worked for the emperor (if only as a farce)? By that logic he most certainly did not cast them out.
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 21
7/23/2013 7:58:51   
The ErosionSeeker
*insert cheesy pun here*
quote:

Hold on, wasn't Quake one of the people who worked for the emperor (if only as a farce)? By that logic he most certainly did not cast them out.

Earlier in history, we too were betrayed by the man now known as the Dark Emperor. We were cast away and treated as criminals by one whom we considered one of our own.

I suppose the intention behind that is that this betrayal happened before the Grid came to working for the Emperor.
Before this, there was no rebel army, as there was no need for one. When Quake uses "we", he means the people of the Grid, not "we" as in "him, Helios, and the ones currently (pretending to be) working for the Emperor.

quote:

This might sound stupid, but when I imagine ice it is solid whereas a river is not.

It's a glacier, so I guess replacing the offending term with "floe" should solve that problem.
DF AQW  Post #: 22
8/1/2013 7:17:41   
The ErosionSeeker
*insert cheesy pun here*


 dumped in two new chapters.


the silly part about having your character named "shadow" is that you can't call their dark side "shadow shadow"

._.
DF AQW  Post #: 23
8/1/2013 9:22:38   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L
quote:

“There’s no way you and I can be the same person. You... you’re evil.”

How did she come to this conclusion? What was it based on?
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 24
8/1/2013 22:16:46   
The ErosionSeeker
*insert cheesy pun here*


 assuming you're talking about vice being evil...

i might not have expanded on it too much, but there's the personality and evil red armor thing going on. in addition, vice pulled shadow into the ice lake, which certainly wasn't "good".
DF AQW  Post #: 25
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